


Gasoline

by AndYourPoint



Series: Gasoline [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-24
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2018-05-23 00:14:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 43,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6098538
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AndYourPoint/pseuds/AndYourPoint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My heart is gold and my hands are cold. </p><p>O'Solo Slight AU</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tomorrow

I don’t know why it bothered me.

I don’t think of myself as pretentious by any means, however, if someone tells me I’m the best at my job, I’m not gonna argue with them. I don’t find myself above the law, I don’t look down on someone with a lower paygrade.

I had been here a million times, the same thing every day. I walk up to the counter, get my usual latte, and I sit here with my current book for a solid half-hour. That’s just my every day, and I wouldn’t change it for anything.

I am trained to see the small details, any some sort of movement from the corner of my eye, I’m supposed to see it and then assess the situation. I do what I have been trained to do my whole life, I make a decision based on the small details and then I hope to God that I made the right one. At that point everything is on the line. I don’t have the option to redo it, it’s not a practice, I have to go all out. This is just my life.

Any other day I would have ignored it, but I guess the universe didn’t want me to. When I saw her, she was just walking out of the café bathroom. Fixing her shirt, she walked up to the counter. She seemed kind of timid at first. Being what I am, I am also trained to hear the smallest of sounds, so when she spoke to the young man behind the register, I managed to hear every word.

As quietly and discreetly as she could, she asked how much a sandwich was. The cashier told her it was somewhere around $5.50, then she nodded and thanked him. I then I heard her ask what time the café closed. The cashier smiled slightly and then said it closed around 9:00pm.

I hear many conversations every day, this should have just been added to another one of those, but for some reason this was different. I picked up on a certain shyness in her voice.

The girl thanked the cashier again before scurrying outside and walking just to the left of the door. I still don’t know why it bothered me so much. It was just another conversation that I had overheard in my favorite café. I hear conversations from cheating wives to someone losing their job because they swear where their boss is out to get them at this café. This was just another one of those right?

You know how sometimes you get this weird feeling in your gut? Like, you have to do something and you feel it in the core of your being. Well, I had one of those right now. I watched out of the corner of my eye as the young girl kept her head down and winced slightly at the cold weather outside. It was none of my business, but I kept watching her. I guess now I’m glad I did. As she walked out of the café I saw her take a small piece of cardboard out of her backpack. She sat down and with a sigh pulled the cardboard in front of her chest. She seemed to be ready for another long night.

And that’s when it hit me, she wasn’t some cheapskate looking for an easy buy.

She was homeless… and she was starving.

Now that I think about it, she did look a little thin. She was also a little pale, but oddly enough, still sporting a slight suntan. Clearly she had been doing this for a while. Now, I’ve given to the poor plenty of times, given the few dollars to random stray, but something about her was different. I almost didn’t think it was real, I mean, she was so young. She had to be in her mid-twenties, definitely older than college student, but still bright-eyed and full of life. Could this really be her situation?

I guess so.

I sat and watched long after my coffee had gone cold, and she was still there. Every once in a while she would ask a passerby for a dollar or two, they would make up some excuse that she had heard before, and then they would go on their away. I watched that happen one too many times, but she never seemed disappointed. She would always look up at the strangers with a wide smile and finish off with, “God bless you”.

It was far past time for me to go home, but something kept me rooted in my seat. I had really only seen her distorted reflection in the giant windows when she walked out of the café earlier. There wasn’t a puppy dog look to make me feel guilty, she didn’t have any sadness in her voice to make me stay, I was just stuck.  
She waited and I waited until the sun went down. It was about half hour to closing time, I should have been home by now, but I watched and waited for someone to give her some sort of sympathy. How was it that in a nice area like this, no one stopped to help her? It’s kind of funny, all growing up the world tells us to help the poor, but when the time comes around, we are told that we shouldn’t. We are told that they could use our money for bad things. Drugs, alcohol, you name it. Kind of ironic isn’t?

Be a good person, but only to the people that look like good people. The poor? No, not them, they could be bad. You don’t know them, you don’t know their intentions, stay away from them. That is what our parents, society, the media, and God knows who else has told us. Only help the people that you know, only help the people that we tell you to.

I had been raised this way, just like everyone else, but this one time it was different. When I heard her quiet voice through the small crowd, something in me twisted in the most painful way. She tried to hide it, but like I said, I’ve been trained to hear things. I could hear all of the hurt and feelings of inevitable disappointment in her voice. She wasn’t asking for pity, she was just prepared for the usual empty outcome. Something in me hurt for her, the heart I swear I didn’t have, bled for her.  
It’s like someone had punched the in the gut, not exactly a feeling I enjoyed.

I had made up my mind, if no one else helped her, I would pay for the sandwich she wanted. I mean, I think that was what I was feeling? I have helped plenty of people before, but this one felt different, this was the first time that I had hurt for someone in a worse situation. This was the first time I had really felt empathy for someone I didn’t even know.

I kind of hated it.

I looked back up the clock on the wall above the door and saw that it was 15 minutes until closing time. A few people had stopped and told her that they didn’t have money, or some other bullshit excuse, and she simply smiled. With every smile, my soul hurt a little more. I kept telling myself not to get sucked in to this sweet innocent act that she had going, but couldn’t ignore the pull inside of me whenever her bright eyes looked up at another passerby.

I downed the rest of my cold coffee and stood up swiftly. Yes, I was going to act on my gut instinct. Part of me was surprised at myself, I had rarely ever done this.  
I walked over to the counter and asked the cashier what she had asked for earlier. He said he didn’t know and didn’t seem too worried about it. I then told them that I would pay him and then send her in to let her order whenever she wanted, he could keep the change. He looked slightly puzzled, but then nodded and rang me up for a sandwich meal.

So that kicked off the hard part, or, the hard part for _me_. Now all I had to do was walk outside and tell her that I had bought her meal for one night. When I really thought about it, it didn’t seem like much, but it would at least give her a hot meal for tonight.

So, I gathered up my courage, and walked out the door. I had my perfect movie picture of what I was going to say in my head. I would walk up to her, shoulders back and chest out, and be some sort of hero to her. I would introduce myself and then tell her that I had graciously bought her a meal. That made me sound like a decent person right?

Sure.

When I approached her, I saw the faded scribble on her cardboard sign, to be honest I was so nervous that I didn’t even really read it.  
In all of my confident glory, I marched up to her and forgot everything.

She looked up at me slowly and that’s when I finally saw her eyes. They were bright, just like I figured, but also questioning. I could tell that she wasn’t sure why I had walked up to her. So many people try to avoid people like her, so why did I prance right up to her?

That was a good question, again, I had completely forgotten why I had walked up to her by that point. In that moment, I had forgotten not only what I had done for her, but everything that the world had taught me about people in need. I could tell that she had not seen a warm place to sleep in weeks, she had not known very much kindness lately, and she had a thin layer of dirt that she was trying to hide.

As her face grew more confused, I guess it snapped me out of my thoughts.

“H-hi,” I stuttered out.

“Hi,” she said still slightly confused.

“What’s your name?” I asked.

“Kelley.” She answered quietly. Kelley, so that was the name of this young, intriguing, woman. Well, I guess it’s a good thing to know, now I can put a face to this bizarre feeling that I had.

“I’m Hope,” I say bending down and sticking out my hand out towards her. She slowly brings her hand into mine and gives me a strong handshake. She still has a confused look on her face, but she’s looking up at me with the most endearing amount of wonder.

“It’s nice to meet you.” I continue, my courage returning. “If you go inside and tell the cashier what you want, he’ll make it for you.”  
Her eyes light up and she starts to get up, but then stops.

“Are you sure?” she hesitates.

I almost laughed, I guess I thought it was humorous, she thought I was joking. The look in her eyes told me that she was serious. I realized that maybe this had been a joke at one time to her by someone cruel. She was honestly asking if I was paying for her meal. I think that broke my heart the most.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” I answered.

She quickly jumped up from her spot and shoved her cardboard sign back into her backpack with a huge smile on her face. Not one of happiness, but one of relief.  
“Thank you so much.” She said with a look of extreme gratitude. As I stood back up, I watched as her smile never left her face and she walked towards the café door.  
“Have a good night.” I say as she looks back at me and smiles even bigger and throws back a, “you too”.

As I walked back to my car I smiled to myself, that felt oddly good for something that society deems as bad. As I sit my car, I watch as she excitedly tells the café cashier what she wants. She looks like a kid on Christmas morning as he makes her sandwich. Something warm settles in my chest, a feeling I’m not used to. Her smile never leaves her face as he wraps up her sandwich and she looks like she thinks him a million times.

My smile grows as I watch the exchange. I did the right thing, I don’t care what my parents taught me, I don’t care what society thinks, I know that I did the right thing by helping her. As much as I should move forward and write off what I did today, there’s a big part of me that doesn’t want to. This should just be another day in the exciting life of Hope Solo, but I find myself pining for something else. I find myself hoping that the next day will bring me a juvenile desire.

I hope she comes back tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. You don’t really know me, but I’m hoping to change that soon. This event actually happened between me and another person this past month and sparked the inspiration for this fic. It’s gonna be in Hope’s POV for now, maybe others at one point. I’ve finally started to write again and I gotta say, it has never felt so good. This fic's namesake is from the Halsey song, "Gasoline". Apologies for any mistakes. I feel that I definitely want to continue this, but let me know what you think.
> 
> A.Y.P.


	2. The Plague

It’s a virus.

That’s what has to be.  I mean, it can’t be anything else.  Somewhere in the past few months of travel I must have picked up something.  It was slowly incubating in my system and the first side effects started to show at the café tonight.

It’s a curious disease.  I have never heard of an illness that makes you grow a heart, but hey, anything’s possible right?  Or maybe she had it, Kelley I mean. That kid looked like she had a heart the size of Texas. Maybe I caught it when she walked by me, it’s possible it’s an airborne virus.  Why else would this be happening?  Why else would I still be thinking about it while I’m pulling into my driveway?  Why else can I not get her beautiful hazel eyes out of my head?

Maybe it was the purity I saw in them.  You would think that something like that would be long gone from her by now. 

I huff at my thoughts as I turn off my car.  I actually huff at my thoughts all the way to my front door.  I’ve been told by many people that I tend to do a lot of grumbling when I’m upset, of course I’ve always denied it, but I think I’m starting to see it.  God, I’m annoying.

I practically kick open my front door with another solid grumble and immediately drop my bags on the floor.  I probably would have kicked something else too, but I was stopped by the deer in headlights look that my temporary housemate is giving me.

“Well, you know it’s bad when you walk in the house already glaring at me.” She says with a nervous smile.

“It’s not you,” I sigh, “something happened today and I can’t quite figure it out.”

“Did Jill try to set you up with her niece again?”

“No Carli, I think she finally got the hint when I visibly cringed the last time she tried that.” I say taking off my coat and hanging it next to hers.

“Oh… right… so uh, you’re home late.” She says awkwardly.

“I am, now that we’ve pointed that out, is there a reason you look so uncomfortable?” I ask taking a few steps towards her.

“I’m the prime example of comfort, Hope. I’m in a tank top and workout shorts, I couldn’t ask for more comfort.” She rambles. I look at her skeptically and she stiffens slightly.

“Is it really that big of a deal that I came home late? Do you want me to call next time and give you a play by play of my plans for the evening?” I ask crossing my arms.

“What? No! I’m just saying, you were out late, which is rare. I just figured… since you were already gone for so long… I don’t know, you’d stay out a while longer.” She says avoiding eye contact. Wow, she’s about as good at lying as I am when trying to be nice to someone.

“Alright, who is she?”

“Who?” Carli asks, paling slightly.

“The girl you probably have pulling her pants on in your room as we speak.” I smirk.

“There’s no one-wait, how do you figure it’s a girl?” She asks.

“Really, Carli?”

“Really, Hope.”

“Well one, they aren’t proudly prancing around down here half-naked and two, there’s a considerable amount of lipstick on the side of your neck.” I state. Her hand quickly flies to her neck and her wide eyes give it away.

“Wait,” She freezes a second later, “She doesn’t even wear lipstick…”

“Gotcha.” I laugh as she facepalms.

God I love this girl, but if anyone got to see this side of her, they wouldn’t be so afraid of her anymore. Surprisingly enough, people are probably more afraid of Carli than they are of me. I could kill you, but wouldn’t, Carli could and would kill you. She tends to speak with a sense of finality that not even our head coach argues with. Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure she grounded her parents once when she was thirteen.

“Ok… fine, there’s a girl, but you don’t get to meet her.” She says dropping her shoulders.

“What? Why not? She’s in _my_ house. Plus, I also paid for the mattress you were on. If anything you owe me.” I reason walking over to one of my couches and plopping down.

“What are you, my pimp? And no, you’ll scare her.”

“I’ll scare her?” I ask in disbelief. “Carli, you once bitch-slapped a nightclub bouncer who was at least three times your size for staring at your ass.”

“He clearly had it coming.”

“You made him cry.”

“I made him understand the importance of respecting a woman’s body.”

“He quit his job then ran away sniffling.”

“He had-WHY are we even talking about this?” She finishes of pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Did that really happen?!” I hear someone yell from upstairs.

“I-he-we are not talking about this right now!” Carli fires back towards the stairs.

“Was that her? She sounds familiar.” I say straining my ears just in case she says something again.

“No she doesn’t. You go do whatever emo shit you do in your room when your upset and I will show our guest out. Then you can tell me all about it and how you’re emotionally dead inside, ok?” She says through her teeth.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little afraid of her right now. I never figured an embarrassed Carli would be more dangerous than an angry one.

“Yeah, sounds good.” I say quietly, trying to hide my smirk as I walk back to my room.

People will never understand what we see in each other, that’s for sure. We’ve been through a hell of a lot in the past ten years or so. She stood by me when I was on the outs with the national team and slowly helped integrate me back in. We formed something rock solid during those times and it’s remained strong ever since. She took a risk with me and for that I am eternally grateful.

Eight months ago, needless to say, I was quick to take her in when she found her fiancé was cheating on her. He always did seem a little too perfect to me. No one is that ok with their significant other being gone for as long as we were. No significant other is that supportive being second place to soccer. I’m not sure how his idea of marrying Carli “Hat-Trick” Lloyd while sleeping with one of her teammates was supposed to work out for him. I know he definitely didn’t expect a fuming Hope Solo to ensure he would never have kids whilst a livid Carli Lloyd beamed him in the head with her boulder of an engagement ring.

He’s probably still sporting that scar on his forehead and icing his junk.

She moved in in record time and I never gave her an expiration date. She’s my best friend, I love having her here. Although, I could probably do without the random flings. At least she was in her room when I came home this time.

It’s not super common that she’ll being someone home with her after… well, whatever she does after practice. I get it, she’s single now and she wants to play. I just hope she settles soon, I know she wants a serious long term marriage and I don’t want her to let Brian ruin that for her.

“So what kept you out?” I hear startling the crap out of me.

“Jesus Carli, next time knock.” I say trying to ignore my racing heart.

“I did, you didn’t answer so I walked in to see you sitting on your bed… staring straight at a wall.”

Oh.

“I guess I’m more out of it than I thought.” I say running my hands over my face.

“Which is definitely weird for you, so what’s up?” She asks sitting down next to me.

“I met a girl tonight.”

“Ohhhhh,”

“Not like that.”

“Oh. What so special about that then?” She asks.

“I don’t know, that’s the problem. She just… my heart hurts for her. I was at the café, you know the one I took you to that one time, and she was there… asking for money so she could eat tonight. I mean, you should’ve seen her. Sweetest kid, sitting outside in the cold for hours. I also have a feeling she was “showering” in the bathroom before walking out.” I say all with a sigh. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Well, you just admitted to having a heart and feeling empathy. I’m not sure if this is good or you’re sick.”

“Right?! Like some sort of epidemic, or plague, or something!” I exasperate. And to that… Carli starts laughing… hard. “Carli, this is serious!” I say grabbing a pillow and, quite impressively, hitting her square in the face with it.

“Ouch, geez, I’m sorry.” She says rubbing her nose. “Hope, I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t sick. You know that thing, that organ in your chest that pumps your blood? Yeah, well it’s not the fortress you make it out to be. After all, I managed to make my way in.”

“But I _know_ you Carli. I’ve known you for a lifetime, this girl is a random homeless stranger that I maybe said fourteen words to.” I say laying back.

“Wait, you talked to her?” She asks, arching an eyebrow almost comically.

“Well yeah, I… I bought her a meal.” I mumble. At that Carli’s eyebrows almost clear her hairline. Also kind of comical.

“Maybe you _are_ sick.”

“Carli-“

“So you bought a homeless person a meal! That’s a chartable thing, Hope. You did something nice for someone and for some bizarre reason you feel bad about it.” She groans.

“I don’t feel bad, I feel weird.” I say sitting back up.

“I get how basic human emotion is weird for you, but I don’t see why it’s such a big deal.” She says throwing her hands up in the air.

“Ok, Miss Definitely-screwing-someone-on-the-national-team, I’m not a robot. I feel things, I just… I feel like what I did is not enough.” I say dropping my head into my hands.

“You don’t even know if she’s on the national te-look, if you don’t feel like it was enough, then donate to a parallel charity. That’s not uncommon for a sports idol.” She reasons.

“I know that, but I don’t mean for the entire homeless population, although I will definitely look into that. I mean like, I feel like it wasn’t enough… for her.” I finally manage to get out.

“Oh,” Carli says after a beat. “You mean like, you wanna help her out?”

“I don’t know, maybe… yeah. She was different. She’s not like the run of the mill cups you drop a dollar into to make you feel good about yourself. I didn’t feel good about it, I felt…” I trail off.

“Heartbroken.” Carli finishes for me. I nod in agreement. “Well, do you know if she’s coming back to the café?”

“Not a clue. This is the first time I’ve ever seen her there.” I answer.

“Alright. Well, go back tomorrow and if she’s there, buy her another meal or something. Talk to her, make her feel human.” Carli shrugs. “Move slowly and assess the situation, then see what you can do.”

“Thank God I picked you to be my best friend.” I deflate, resting my head on her shoulder. Really, she always knows what to say. She didn’t even try to warn about the dangers or not getting attached. If I had talked to anyone else, I probably would’ve rethought all of this, but Carli is like the conscience I never got. She knows how I operate and the best course of action for me and my train wreck of a life. She’ll tell me if I’m being difficult, but encourage the little stupid ideas that I have. If there is a God, then he threw me a lifeline in the form of my center attacking mid.

“I’m pretty sure _I_ picked _you_ , but the end result is the same. Just doing my job.” She says patting me on the head. “So, now that we got all that emotional… leakage out.”

“Really? “Leakage”?” I ask grimacing and picking my head up off her shoulder.

“Yes, because leakage is gross and so are feelings. So, I say we go make something that will turn our blood to acid, eat it, and watch the Liverpool game.” She says standing up.

“That sounds perfect.” I say following suit.

“What was her name?” She asks as we walk back to the living room.

“Who? Oh, it’s Kelley.” I answer.

“Ah, Kelley. I have a feeling I’m going to be hearing that name a lot.” She smiles.

Yeah, I really, _really_ hope so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, there it is.
> 
> So with the exception of Kelley, everything else in this universe is pretty much parallel. I dumbed Carli down quite a bit in the private of their home, I felt it necessary because I find her kind of terrifying otherwise. Eventually we’ll meet the rest of the players tagged, but for now it’s my 3 favorite idiots. I can imagine you’ll want to know who Carli was with too, it is so random you’ll also probably never guess. More Kelley in the next chap.
> 
> Also, thank you for the unexpected warm welcome. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts,   
> A.Y.P.


	3. One of Those Days

Have you ever had one of those off days where literally everything you touch turns to shit?

Yeah, I’m having one of those days. Quite frankly, I’ve had one of those _weeks_.

I’ve been at the café every night this week. Every. Single. Night. I get here around six or seven, drink like 14 cups of coffee, and pretend to read a book until closing. I recite what I want to say, how I’ll say it, and simulate a response to any answer she could give me. That has been my cycle all week. I’ve been getting so nervous during the day that I destroy everything I try my hand at before coming here.

You think I’ve over exaggerating?

I nailed one of my defenders in the back of the head with a ball in practice today. It was supposed to be a simple throw to my left winger, something I have done thousands of times, but instead I managed to completely level her. Like, I knocked her headband off. Two days ago, I blocked one of Carli’s shots. Good right? WRONG. It ricocheted off the crossbar straight back down and knocked the wind outta me. Because of that and much more, I have been on the receiving end of a lot of weird looks.

Another one of my defenders, Becky, asked if I needed someone to talk to about the, “hostility that I am clearly harboring towards the team”.

Carli has also not been helping at all. She’s had this smug smirk on her face every time I’ve accidently almost killed a teammate. She knows exactly what my problem is and is milking it for all it’s worth. I swear to God, if I hear her sing “Listen to your heart” one more time, I’ll “accidently” kill her. I’ve had to threaten her more than once with pursuing and exposing whoever she brought home the other night.

I hear the door chime go off and my eyes snap up to… the lovely young man in a tank top smelling like the bottom of a can of Axe. He winks at me and I resist the urge to throttle, “Pride and Prejudice and Zombies” at his head. He’s lucky I like this book, Jane Austin and Seth Grahame-Smith just saved your face, buddy.

I was so busy trying to figure the angle and trajectory of this thought that I almost didn’t see a small figure sidle up to the front of the café.

Thank the Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. There she is.

Kelley peers inside for a moment, gauging the number of people I guess, then turns to set her things down. After a moment she sits down and pulls the sign I never read in front of her chest. She shivers a little as a few people walk by and huddles down a bit more.

Yes, good, she’s finally here and all I’ve done is stare at her for five solid minutes like a creep.

I glance up at the clock above the door and note that it’s about an hour until closing. Maybe I should sit back and wait again, see if anyone stops to help her first.

She shivers again.

We had a really nasty cold front move into Seattle earlier this week, it’s a little less cold tonight, maybe that’s why she hasn’t been here. I know that the national team has been sulking for the past week. Seattle camp was something I don’t think any of us ever wanted to hear. Welcome to the Evergreen State. It rains, it’s depressing, and the amount of hipsters will astonish you.

It’s an acquired taste.

I go to sigh but my lungs are assaulted by tall and douchey as he walks back by. He exits the café with whatever he ordered to go and to my surprise, he stops in front of Kelley. Huh, well what do you know, some people can surprise you.

He says something to her with a grin I don’t like and she answers him calmly. Whatever she said amuses him I guess because he throws his head back and laughs. He moves a little closer to herand she noticeably shies away. He then puts his hands up, feigning innocence. He says something else and then winks at her before turning to go to his… honda civic.

Or I guess people can just be the usual piece of shit that they already were. No faith restored in humanity today.

Kelley cringes, or shivers, I can’t really tell, as he gets in his car. I can really only see a small part of the side of her face from where I’m sitting, but from what I can see, she looks upset. She sighs and stands up, folding up her sign and putting it back in her backpack. She throws it back over her shoulders and starts to walk back the direction she came.

Wait what-no! Come back Kelley, I’m supposed to do something nice for you!

In a panic, I stumble out of my chair and bolt outside. I ignore the weird looks I get as I make it out the door to see Kelley only about two yards from where she started. I send up a silent thank you to Jesus, Mary, and even Joseph, before taking quick strides towards her retreating form.

“Kelley!” I yell, startling her. She whips around, eyes wide and hands white knuckling the straps of her backpack. I now realize I probably should’ve started out softer… but I panicked. “Hi,” I breathe out as her expression refuses to change.

This is already not going how I envisioned the past week.

“I’m Hope, I was here last week. I bought you a sandwich…” I trail off. She probably sees hundreds of people a day, if anything, I’m just a face in a crowd-

“Yeah, I remember you.” She says quietly. Jackpot! “You were the one who stared me for like an hour before you came outside.”

Fuck-damnit.

“Yeah… that, that was me.” I admit. “I’m not usually such a creep, I just wanted-“

“I know,” she cuts me off. “A lot of people do it. They wait around to see if anyone helps and if no one does, they step in. They’re kind of my favorite people.” She finishes with a small smile.

Oh god. She’s doing a cute thing with her face. Hng.

“Oh, well, glad I could make that list.” I start. “Uh, I noticed you were leaving after like ten minutes. Did the mayonnaise based white bread have anything to do with it?” I ask.

“Yeah uh… there’s just some things a woman should never have to put up with. No matter how desperate she is.” She says dropping her gaze to the ground.

What a piece of literal shit.

“Kinda wish I would’ve thrown Jane Austin at him now…” I mumble.

“Uh… what?” She asks with her adorable confused face.

“Nothing, I was contemplating throwing my book at him earlier.” I answer.

“Oh, well don’t feel bad, he wasn’t worth the book.” She says with a small smile.

“I don’t know, it would probably be the closest his face has ever been to a book in general, I might have been doing him a favor.” I say. At that a grin breaks out on her face and she lets out a loud laugh that I want to hear again and again. When she settles she looks back up at me and stills slightly.

“So… was there something you needed earlier?” She asks.

“Yes, you.” I answer. Her smile drops. “That immediately came out wrong. I meant I needed to ask you something.” I say rubbing my forehead at my idiocy.

“Oh, well in that case, I may have an answer.” She says, smile returning.

“Right, I was wondering if you wanted to come inside… to eat… food… with me.” I somehow manage to get out in chunks. She laughs again before shaking her head.

“You know you don’t have to ask it like you’re asking your 14 year old crush to the school dance.” She laughs again.

“Though I appreciate the critique, I’m even this awkward towards my best friend.” I retort. A week of planning out this exact moment. If she says no after all of this, I’m killing myself.

“Well, are you sure?” She asks shyly.

“Yeah. I’m just really bad at trying to connect with people.”

“No not about that, although I believe it, I meant about dinner.” She clarifies.

“Oh… yes, I’m sure. I mean, if you want to have dinner after this mess of conversation.” I say voicing my inner thoughts.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but messes are kind of my forte.” She says cracking a sheepish smile. “Dinner sounds amazing about now.”

“Good, we should probably go now before I make this conversation any worse.” I joke, causing her to laugh again.

We walk back into the café and up to the counter before I start to notice Kelley getting a little fidgety. She keeps glancing back and forth from me to the menu on the wall. I order some sort of pasta salad that looked decent enough and when I turn fully to ask Kelley what she wants, she seems to freeze.

“So, what do you want to eat?” I ask slowly.

“Uh… should I just get what I got last time?” She asks.

“You can if you want. You can really get anything.” I answer. What the hell is she so nervous about?

“I can get something cheaper than last time, or maybe I can get something smaller like-“

“Kelley,” I say cutting her off, lightly placing my hand on her arm. “Get _whatever_ you want. No limits.” This poor kid. She’s the one with nothing and yet here she is trying to save me a couple extra bucks. God, I wanna punch myself in the face.

“Are you-“

“If you say, “Are you sure?” one more time, I’m gonna throw you.” I deadpan.

“Throw me at what?”

“No, not at something. I’m just going to throw you in general.”

“In that case,” She smirks. “I will have the Italian sub with a Coke.” She says to the guy behind the counter. The funny part is, I probably could actually throw her. I once threw one of my middy’s because she nutmegged me and scored a goal in a scrimmage.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” I ask after the cashier gives us our total and I pay.

“I guess not. Although I really just didn’t want to get thrown.” She says as we reach my previous table. “That reminds me, thanks for the sandwich last week. It actually lasted me a day or two.”

A day or two.

One Sandwich.

Great.

“Well, I’m glad I was able to help. I didn’t take you as the axe murderer type, so I was happy to step in.” I say as we sit down.

“Where would I even fit an axe?”

“Plenty of places, I don’t judge.”

“… That’s just wrong.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing you aren’t an axe murderer.” I finish with a smirk.

I get another laugh out of her from that before hearing our order called. I excuse myself and grab our meals whilst trying to suppress the smile on my face. Kelley is not at all what I expected her to be, but at the same time, she seems just as bright eyed as I thought. I’m definitely the idiot in this situation, which is the opposite of what I wanted to project, but she seems to be genuinely enjoying our banter so far. If anyone saw how spastic I was today, I would never live it down. The great Hope Solo, reduced to the human equivalent of a goldfish. Just wait till I tell Carli about this, that is, if she’s not _busy_ when I get back.

“I’m impressed.” Kelley says as I sit back down with our orders.

“About?”

“The fact you managed to juggle two baskets and two fountain drinks on your own.” She finishes.

“Ah well, it’s my job.” I blurt out.

“You’re a professional juggler?” She asks before taking a small bite of her sandwich.

Shit.

“Uh, well, I mean… I’m a soccer player.” Good Hope. Stay as vague as possible. I **do not** want her thinking I’m some bigshot who decided to step off my high horse and play average for a day.

“Well yeah, you’re Hope Solo, but usually juggling isn’t a huge part of goalkeeping.”

Fuckballs.

If she didn’t think I was an idiot before, me staring at her mortified with my jaw dropped sure isn’t helping.

“You… know who I am?” I ask slowly.

“Of course, Hope Solo number one goalkeeper in the world, current record holder of everything and its mom. I don’t live under a rock you know. Really, I live more under a bush.” She says in an attempt to be funny, but to me it sounds like a sad truth. “I’m kidding I don’t actually live under a b-why are you looking at me like that?”

“You knew who I was all this time?” I repeat.

“Yeah. Most people where I stay have probably never even a kicked a soccer ball, but I personally love the sport.” She says around another bite of her sub.

“In that case I have a feeling you expected me to be different.” I say. “Different like, not an idiot.”

“I did expect you to be more intimidating, but after you stuttered out a greeting when we met, I had a feeling the big, bad, keeper façade was just an image thing.” She says casually.

“Well I can assure you I’m just as badass as you thought I was, I’m just a little off my game.” I say. I feel like the universe is just facepalming at my luck by now. It’s not even trying to screw me over anymore, I just naturally do it myself.

“Eh, we’ll see.” She says flashing me a smile.

“Right, so where do you actually stay? That is, if you don’t mind me asking.” I question. I guess now that I know she knows a little about me, I might as well get to know her a little too. “Assess the situation”, as Carli put it.

“Well usually I just try to find a women’s shelter, but that rarely works out. The one I go to is further north, I don’t usually come to this area. You can only sleep out in the cold so much before you have to find a better solution.” She says before taking another bite.

“Wow. So did you find a shelter down here that you like and that’s why you moved?” I ask.

“There actually isn’t one down here, but the public is more generous. With how this winter is going I needed to find a place with more bridges anyway.” She answers, putting her half eaten sandwich down.

“Bridges?”

“Yeah, underneath bridges there are these vents with warm air coming out of them. If you grab yourself a tarp and sit in front of them, they’ll warm you the whole winter. A friend of mine, Jay, taught me that. That’s why we moved out here a week or so ago.” She says nonchalantly.

How?

How can she be so ok with this? How is she not completely lost in despair when she talks about this? It’s like I asked her what her favorite color is. I mentioned that we hit one hell of a cold front, but I didn’t even think about her not being able to find a shelter. The thought of her wrapped in a tarp, huddled up underneath a bridge is almost enough to bring me to tears. The fact that she’s had to do this for God knows how long is even worse.

“I can almost hear the wheels turning in your head, Hope. The last thing I want is for people to look at me and start counting their blessings. I’m happy. I’m a happy person that just happens to be in a shitty situation. People like you are part of the reason I’m happy. You have big hearts and in a lot of ways you save our lives. You give us something to look forward to and-are you about to cry?” She cuts herself off.

“No, there’s just a heavy amount of dust in both my eyes. And I wasn’t counting my blessings, I was in awe. I don’t know how you do it. Positiones flipped, I would’ve given up ages ago.” I say ignoring my need to sniffle.

“I understand. It’s definitely been difficult, but anything is manageable as long as you persist. I’m not gonna be here forever. I know that I’ll find my way out of this one day.” She says wrapping up her sandwich.

“I… I genuinely hope you do.” I don’t think I’ve ever wanted something for someone else this badly before. I can imagine she has one hell of a story to tell about how she got where she is.  She’s so sweet and optimistic. I find it odd that people aren’t lining up to take Kelley in. Hmm… maybe she _is_ secretly an axe murderer.

“Thanks for that and dinner as well, I should probably head out though. I don’t wanna be walking around too late.” She says standing up. Wait, that’s it? She slams a half a sandwich and leaves?

“Are you sure? Are you full already?” I ask.

“Uh, no. I’m just saving this for tomorrow night. It’s supposed to be really cold tomorrow so I probably won’t be able to find a spot to sit for another meal. I might be back in a few days though, depending on the weather.” She finishes with a thoughtful look on her face.

“Oh, well, is there any place I can maybe drop you? It’s already pretty cold out and I‘d hate for you to be walking in it.” I offer. It’s the least I can do right? At least, that’s what the Carli in my head is telling me.

Fine, it may be a bit of my heart too.

“Oh no, it’s fine. I’m not sure where I’m gonna stop tonight yet.” She says tucking her sandwich into a pocket of her backpack. I stand up with her and put a lid on my barely touched pasta salad quickly.

“Ok, if you’re sure. If you come back anytime soon, I’ll probably be here. I’m usually here every day if I’m not out of town.” I lie. Yeah, every day if I’m waiting for you apparently.

“Alright, so I guess I’ll see you around?” She asks with a shy smile.

“Absolutely.” I respond matching her smile.

“Cool. Thanks again for everything, this is already far more than anything I could’ve asked for.” She says before a look of deep though crosses her features. “I… I really hope I see you again.” She finishes quietly, a slight blush starting to form on her cheeks.

Oh God, what is this feeling?

 “Yeah, I hope so too.” I reply. She nods then walks out the front door with an extra spring in her step.

I can’t tell if it feels good or hurts.

I check my phone for the time and notice that it’s about five till closing. I felt like barely any time has passed at all. Talking to her is almost like how quickly time passes during a good game. I’m focused and enjoying every minute, it almost ends too soon.

The feeling is fuzzy and settling into my chest and I don’t like it.

Right now Carli is in the back of my head telling me to at least make sure she gets to her destination, wherever that may be, safely.  Like, what if douchebag was secretly waiting for her outside this whole time? It started raining so what if she has to walk in it for hours getting soaked to the bone? What if she gets hit by a car in the dark?

Does she even worry about this shit?

Not much after that last thought I, as normal as possible for me, speed walk into the parking lot to try to catch a glimpse of where she went. Thankfully, she’s not too far away. She hasn’t even reached the road yet, but I can already see her tensed up from the freezing rain.

“God, I hate myself.” I grumble. As throw my car door open and get in. I start up and pull out of my parking spot before turning in the direction of home, but something stops me.

WWCD.

What Would Carli Do?

To be honest I don’t actually know, but I’m going to pretend that that’s the reason why I turn in the opposite direction and slowly pull up next to Kelley.

“Kelley!” I yell for what feels like the billionth time today as I roll my passenger window down. It actually startles her again and she stumbles a bit. I would’ve laughed if I wasn’t so worried about accidently hitting her with my car.

She walks over to the window slowly and pokes her head in.

“Should I be the one worried about _you_ being the crazy axe murderer?” She asks.

“If anything, I would use a tire iron, and no. Hop in.” I answer. She looks at me for a moment, brows furrowed, and starts to open her mouth to say something else. I already know where this is going. “What did I tell you about asking if I’m sure?” She smiles for what also seems like the billionth time today before shaking her head.

“I don’t wanna ruin your seats, I haven’t exactly showered lately if you couldn’t tell.” She argues.

“Then I will personally rip out the seat with my bare tire iron murdering hands when you leave. Get in.” I say earning an even bigger smile. She opens the door and slides in as quickly as possible. “Give me the address of the nearest shelter and we’ll be there before you know it.”

“Oh… it’s uh, about 2 hours walking distance. I don’t know how fast it is to drive there. It’s by the Annex.” She says and I almost choke on my next words.

“At the Annex? Like the underside of Seattle? At night?” Right, let me just drop her in a place where the best possible outcome is rape.

“That would be the one.” She answers simply.

When I get onto the road I immediately start driving in the opposite direction.

“I’m not exactly familiar with the highways here, but isn’t the Annex the other way?” She asks after a second.

“Yupp. We’re not going there.”

“Oh. Then where?”

“A bridge, a nice one.” I say carefully weighing my next words.

“Which one?” She asks.

“It’s a little more secluded. Warm. Comfortable.”

“I think I would’ve heard about a bridge that-are you taking me to your house?!” She exclaims with an almost terrified look on her face.

“If you want, we can just call it a bridge.”

“Hope, I can’t let you do that.” She rushes out. “You don’t even know me and I’m all gross and wet and-“

“Just take the nice bridge, Kelley. You can sleep on my front porch if you want, I just don’t feel right dropping you on the corner of rape and murdered.” I reason. I know that area and I understand that she’s desperate, but holy shit. Every other day there’s some report of a stabbing or a mugging or God knows what. Hell, I know people who have been attacked there.

Could you imagine if I left her there then on the 11 o’clock news I saw her outlined in chalk?

“I’ll be ok. I always am.” She tries again.

“So you know who I am right?” I ask and she nods a tad confused. “Am I good at my job?”

“Yeah, I already said you’re number one.” She answers.

“Do you wanna know how I got to number one?” I ask rhetorically, looking over at her briefly. “Because when I have a gut instinct to come out of the box, I do it. I have that feeling right now, it doesn’t feel right. It’s just one night Kell, tomorrow I swear I will drop you off at the nicest shelter of your choosing, but tonight, let me do this.” I practically beg. She looks away from me and sighs.

We ride in silence for a few seconds before she looks back up at me. Carli is probably gonna kill me but I’m going to argue that her good influence led me to do it.

“Alright. One night.” She agrees softly and it takes everything in me not to smirk in victory.

“Good. Now was that so hard?”

“I guess not.” She says quietly. After a moment of two of hesitation, she continues. “You’re different.”

“Like “that one weird cousin” different, or like “I’m an individual” different?” I ask and she laughs.

“Individual. I don’t feel like you feel obligated or self-gratifying. You seem… genuine.” She says thoughtfully. “Over time you can pick out who is who pretty fast.”

“Just wait till you get to know me better, you’ll be eating those words.” I say and she laughs again. You sweet innocent child, if only you knew how messed up I am.

“Well then I guess I’ll have to get to know you better.” She says.

“I guess so,” I smile. “So let’s start with you, what’s your story?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah, another update. This was actually over 2,000 words past my usual quota for chapters. It’s also a tad choppy, a little rushed. I’m not sure how I feel about it yet. Anyway, we’re moving right along. Next chapter will be some of Kelley’s backstory along with the night at Hope’s. I’ve decided to focus more on “Dork Solo” than the usual tragedy she tends to come with, or at least for now anyway.
> 
> I’m also throwing in little hints of who Hope is talking about when she mentions any players on her team. They’re relatively obvious, but I still get a kick out of it. More of that will be thrown in as we move forward.
> 
> Alright. So let me know how you feel about it so far. I loved everyone’s guesses as to who Carli was with in the last chapter. Keep tryin.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	4. My Bridge

“My story?”

“Yeah, your story. In return I can tell you about mine, at least what hasn’t already been blasted through the media.” I cringe. “If it’s too personal you don’t have to tell me.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s not much of a sob story though, sorry if that disappoints.” She smiles.

“I’m all ears. If you want I can sniffle every once in a while to make you feel better.”

“I think we’ll be ok without it.” She laughs. “Well, uh, I was born in Georgia, I have my parents, an older sister and a younger brother, and they’re all decently well off.” She pauses.

Well off? Now I’m definitely intrigued.

“Sounds good so far.” I comment.

“It was great. I got a full ride scholarship to a collage for, you’re gonna love this, soccer.” She says with a smirk. She’s right, I do love that. “I had kind of a nasty falling out with my family. I said a lot of things I didn’t mean. I was young, cocky, and thought I had it all figured out at 18. College let me escape and try to prove that to them. I did very well, academically and in soccer.”

“I’m feeling a “but” coming on.” I say.

“ _But_ ,” She laughs. “Everything came crashing down on me at the start of my senior year. It’s was a normal soccer practice, just like every other day. We we’re scrimmaging and I went in for a slide tackle and something went wrong. I’m still not exactly sure what happened, but the end result was that I completely _fucked_ my ankle. We found out that I had completely torn a tendon on the outside of my ankle and the time it would take to heal after the surgery would put me out for too long. So… they dropped me.”

“That’s bullshit.” I blurt out. “I’m sorry, but with the rehab we have these days, they should’ve been able to handle it.”

“I agree, but there were plenty of other players just as good, if not better than I was. I would’ve been out for about six months and the school didn’t see any point in paying for me to sit on the sidelines. So because I was no longer playing soccer, my scholarship ended too. In the span of a three second slide tackle, I went from national team scouts to thousands of dollars in debt. I finished out my degree that I couldn’t do anything with, had surgery and rehab that I couldn’t afford, and only so many people who would let me crash on their couches.” She explains.

“Jesus.” I say quietly. She had everything going for her. Hell, even the national team was looking at her. I was out for forever when I destroyed my shoulder, but I managed to break back in to number one. No one put any effort into rehabilitating her and moving her up. God, if that had happened to me…

How much different could things be if she hadn’t gotten hurt?

“Yeah, I know. Although I was a generally lovable person, I kind of had a temper on the field. That tends to piss some people off. Eventually all the friends I had made graduated and moved and… eventually I found myself alone. I couldn’t get an apartment because my credit went to shit when I took out all those student loans along with the loan I had gotten for the surgery and whatnot. Getting a shit job wasn’t the hard part, finding a place to stay was. All the bills kept piling up and it’s impossible to find a roommate who’s willing to pay 100% of the room and board. Eventually I was out on a park bench somewhere and realized that I had nowhere to go.” She continues.

“You never went back home or tried to get help from your parents?” I ask.

“I… I wanted to. I was too proud for a while. I left swearing I didn’t need them at all, I barely even spoke to any of them for four years. I felt that crawling back home because I needed money and a warm bed would be like a slap to the face. I didn’t wanna be a prodigal daughter, I didn’t want them to think that that was all I cared about. In a way I guess I was punishing myself too. It was a universe making things right after the way I walked out on them. I deserved it.” She says and I notice that her eyes get a little wet.

“Have you tried contacting them since?”

“No, by now it’s far too late. I feel like I can’t even face them. When I said we had a nasty falling out, I mean it was truly horrible. I told the people who loved me the most that I didn’t need or want any of them. I told them that I would make it big and forget all of them. I’m paraphrasing, but that’s the gist of it all. People were hurt and I held my head high.” She says trying to wipe away a lone tear before I saw it.

“I understand, but they’re your family. My family is fucked nine ways from Sunday, but we would still go to the ends of the earth for each other.” I say.

“Then you should know that it’s never that simple.” She retorts.

“Ok, I get you there, I won’t push it. How long have you been… on the streets?” I say carefully.

“You can say “homeless” Hope. I won’t get offended, it’s just what I am.” She says. “And it’s been about two years.”

Two years.

Begging with a cardboard sign for two years.

Sleeping under a bridge for two years.

Walking around the most dangerous parts of cities for two years.

Weathering the rain, snow, and God knows what else for two years.

“How did you get to Seattle?” I ask.

“I was living in California with a friend until they moved when I was 24. From there I just went up the coast. There’s too much competition in California and I met my buddy, Jay, in Oregon. He was going further north because apparently it “paid better”. So we made our way to Seattle and have been here ever since.” She finishes.

“Ah, you’ve mentioned Jay before. Boyfriend?” I ask. Not that I’m curious.

“Jay? Nah. I mean he’s cute and has these killer blue eyes, but he’s just always been more of a brother figure to me. He’s had my back a few times when the occasional stray man gets a… certain look in his eye. You learn to stay away from men pretty quickly out there, but Jay is the exception.” She answers.

You know who else has killer blue eyes?

Me.

“Huh. Well I’m glad you found him. I hope you haven’t run into too many troubles with men.” I say hoping to God she’ll respond by telling me that she hasn’t.

“I haven’t been raped if that’s you’re asking.”

“Oh thank God.” I let out.

“Not that some have never tried, but the perks of being an ex-soccer player really comes in handy then.” She adds.

Fuck, that makes my blood boil.

“Speaking of soccer again,” I say trying to change the subject. If I dwell on that any longer I might actually explode. “The national team was looking into you right? What’s your last name if you don’t mind me asking?”

“O’Hara.” She says simply.

“O’Hara… that definitely rings a bell. I’m sure I heard it come up a few times years ago.” I say racking my brain.

“Well in that case I’m honored. I’m glad that-holy shit that’s a nice bridge.” Kelley says as we pull into my driveway.

“Complete with warms vents and everything.”

“I don’t know, it’s not authentic enough. I’m gonna need someone to drive through it every ten minutes.”

“My housemate and I can take shifts if you’d like.”

“That would be gre-housemate? You have a housemate? Are they going to be ok with me here?” Kelley asks with slight panic.

“Yeah they’ll be fine. It’s my house and I’ve already told her about you.” I say.

“So you talk about me, huh?” She smirks.

I hate everything.

“Let’s just go inside.” I grumble getting out of my car. We walk up to my front door and I unlock it and step in with her in tow.

“Hey, you need to go to the store, we’re out of mil-“, Carli freezes seeing me walk in with Kelley.

Mind you, she’s currently eating cereal straight from the box… in a tank top… and panties. Kelley is stopped next to me with a look of pure horror and confusion.

“Right, I’ll put it on the list.” I say slowly. “Kelley, this is Carli, my housemate.”

“It’s um… nice to meet you.” Kelley greets awkwardly.

“Nice to meet you too. If Hope had told me we were having a guest over, I would’ve picked up the milk. And put on some pants.” Carli says, slowly lowering the box of Cocoa Puffs over her lower half, trying to maintain some sort of decency I guess. It’s silent between all of us for way too long before I finally speak up.

“Carli, your legs are the size of damn tree trunks, you’re not hiding anything.”

“If you had called ahead maybe I could be.” She quips.

“Right, so you go put on something appropriate and I’m gonna show Kelley her room for the night.” I say mentally facepalming. Of course this _had_ to be the first thing Kelley saw when she walked in, the universe really does hate me.

“Will do. Be back in a minute.” She says before, I kid you not, backing up all the way to her room. Like she walked up the stairs backwards too.

“I am so sorry you had to see that.” I say turning to Kelley.

“It’s alright.  Like you said, it’s your house, you guys are allowed to do whatever you want. I kind of feel like I’m intruding though.” She replies.

“How so?” I ask pulling off my jacket and hanging it on the rack.

“Well, if I was waiting for my girlfriend to get home wearing _that_. I probably wouldn’t want someone around, especially a stray.” She reasons.

“I’m the one that invited you here, you’re not intrud-did you just say girlfriend?”

“Yeah. You guys are a couple right?” She asks.

“Wha-no, no. Carli and I are _not_ dating. We’re best friends. I’m 92% sure that if we dated, one of us would be missing our face by the end of the first week.” I rush out. The thought of me and Carli dating kinda makes me wanna throw up.

Then light myself on fire.

 “Oh, sorry. I just kind of figured since…”

“Yeah, she’s way too comfortable around me. It’s kind of a newer habit of hers.” I explain.

“Why the change?” She asks.

“I don’t know how much you know about Carli, but do you ever remember hearing about the guy she was engaged to for forever?” I ask and she nods. “Yeah, well she found out he was cheating on her for a little over a year. It kind of broke something in her, though she’s too proud to admit it. She seems to have suddenly found an extreme amount of comfort in her body… and a taste for women. She can get anyone and she knows it. Very un-Carli if you ask me.” I finish as I walk into my living room, Kelley close behind.

“Yeah she’s definitely not what I expected. Then again, you weren’t either.” She says smirking at the glare I shoot her. “I’d probably do the same thing, go out and have my fun, if I found out that someone had taken me for granted like that.”

“Yeah I just hope she settles soon.” I say coming to a stop by my couch. “Did you wanna shower or eat or anything?”

“Uh, a shower sounds amazing I guess.” She says shyly.

“Good, the room down the hall there will be yours, there’s a bathroom attached. Towels are in the closet and if you leave your clothes outside the door I’ll wash them for you.” I say nodding in the direction of the guest room.

“Oh god, you don’t have to do that. I would never want anyone to have to deal with, well, this.” She gestures to her filthy clothes.

“Kell, it’s fine. You remember that I’m a soccer player right? I’m lucky if even a tenth of the sweat and dirt on me is mine. “

“This is a lot more than sweat and dirt.”

“Would you prefer I put on a hazmat suit and then burn them for you?”

“You’re not gonna give in are you?” She asks.

“Nope.”

“Fine.” She groans. “But I’m putting them in a plastic bag so you don’t have to touch them.”

“Fine by me. I’ll grab something for you to wear and leave it by door.” I smile victoriously. Kelley shakes her head with a small smile and sets off down the hall. I fetch a plastic bag and follow shortly after. As I reach her bathroom I notice that she’s just standing there on the tile, frozen.

“Everything ok?” I ask.

“Y-yeah, you just have a really nice house.” She says turning to me, eyes wide.

“Bridge and yes. A fine overpass indeed.” I say holding out the bag I brought for her. She reluctantly takes it from me and then slips off her back pack. “Take all the time you want, I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.”

“Thank you for this.” Kelley says as I turn to leave.

“Not a problem.”

I wait in the living room for a few minutes before going back into Kelley’s room to get her clothes. Wow, she like, triple knotted the damn bag.

As I walk into my kitchen I grab a pair of scissors on my way to the laundry room. I dump way more soap in the washing machine then necessary and then cut off the stupid knot on the bag that Kelley left. All in one fell swoop, I dump her clothes into the washer and slam the lid shut. She’s got me all paranoid that they have some sort of radioactive bacteria that will melt my face if I touch it. After I start her laundry I retire back to the living room to read while I wait.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” Carli says startling me a little. She is way too stealthy for someone that moves the way that she does. I mean, have you seen her stupid run?

“I know, I may have gone a little overboard on extending my kindness to her, but you didn’t see her shivering earlier. I couldn’t just let her walk to a freaking bridge in a middle of a freezing rainstorm.” I explain.

“Wait, _that’s_ Kelley? Homeless Kelley?” She asks before coming to stand in front of me, wearing pants, thank God.

“Yeah, I introduced you to her when we walked in. How did you not put two and two together?”

“She just looks so… put together. By what you told me, I thought she was gonna be this delicate, little, frail, damsel in distress.” She retorts.

“Well, if you had had pants on when we walked in, you could’ve stayed around and figured it out.” I smirk. “That reminds me, I need one of your old shirts and shorts for her to change into.”

“Why can’t she use yours?”

“Because I have at least six inches on her. You would be closer to her size.”

“Didn’t you say my legs are, “the size of damn tree trunks”?”

“Yes, and they are, but we all know I still have more muscle. Now go.” I wave her off. She mutters something about how her tree legs could kick my ass as she stalks back up the stairs.

 -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I’m surprised at how antsy I get when waiting for someone.

About fifteen minutes into my book Carli shouted a, “heads up!” right as a shirt, shorts, and a pair of boxer briefs that one of the girls on the team got for Carli as a gag gift landed directly on said book. I’m pretty sure I was just rereading the same page anyway, but a little more warning would’ve been nice.

The boxer briefs where a nice touch. The player who got them for Carli said that she finally grew a pair when she became co-captain and would need them. Whilst she was doing some sort of victory dance in front of the rest of us for successfully rendering Carli speechless, she somehow managed to sprain her ankle. No one’s legs should move like that anyway. Carli seemed pleased with the outcome though.

I dropped the clothes off in Kelley’s room before straitening every single picture frame in the house. I also re-folded all the couch blankets that were already folded and ate half an apple. You’d think as a keeper for the number one team in the world would teach me how to waste time in all those one sided games, but I am _really_ bad at this.

I finally decide to flip on the TV and it just so happens to be on the tail end of breaking news apparently.

_“A deadly attack at the Seattle Annex leaves one dead and three injured, more after we come back.”_

“Fuck” I hear Kelley suddenly say. I wish I could say she didn’t startle me seeing as the hallway to her room is right next to the TV so I should’ve already seen her there, but in reality, I sent the remote somewhere off behind me and tried to cover the noise of it smashing into the floor with a cough.

I am a mess.

“Keepers really do just know stuff sometimes.” I say cracking a weak smile.

“But that… that could’ve been me.” She says turning to look at me. “Are you sure you’re just a goalkeeper and not some sort of superhero?”

“I wish. I had a gut feeling just like any normal human.” I answer.

She sighs deeply and drops her gaze to the floor. She almost looks ashamed. I guess because she fought me on wanting her to stay at my place? Or maybe because I was right about how dangerous it was. She’s right, that could’ve been her. I would’ve never forgiven myself if I had let her talk me out of it.

She also looks very tiny; she’s swimming in Carli’s clothes. It’s probably mostly from malnourishment, but then again, those clothes are meant for someone freakishly muscular. She’s so small and cute. I would probably go and hug the shit out of her if I didn’t find this feeling of what I think is affection so gross.

“Thanks for letting me use your shower.” She says quietly.

“Not a problem. I’ll have your clothes ready for you in the morning.”

“Wait you actually washed them? I put like ten thousand knots in the bag.” She cringes.

“Three and I hardly think knots matter when you have scissors.”

“You just have to win don’t you?”

“Well I _am_ number one.”

“And a pain in the ass.”

“How dare you,” I gasp. “I invite you to my bridge and you insult me?”

“Well, since this _is_ your bridge, I guess that would make you a tr-“

“Another syllable and I’m actually throwing you.” I cut her off with a glare. She throws her head back and laughs as I roll my eyes.

“So, when do I get your story?” She asks before yawning.

“Tomorrow. You should probably get some sleep, it’s been a long day.” I say smiling at her adorableness.

“Every day is a long day.” She says with a lazy smile.

“Ain’t that the truth.” I say getting up off the couch and walking over to stand in front of her. “But really, story time can wait until you wake up.”

“What time should I be up?” She asks.

“Sleep as long as you need. Carli and I are off tomorrow so we have all day to do whatever.”

“Are you-uh, that sounds great.” She says catching herself with a sheepish smile. God, how are people not lining up to take her in? She must have changed a lot because the person she told me about today is not who is standing in front of me, although, I feel I would’ve liked her too.

“Hope?” She asks breaking me out of my thoughts.

“Hm?”

“Can I… I’m sorry this is weird, but… is it alright if I hug you?” She asks timidly.

I have that weird fuzzy feeling in my chest again.

“Of course.” I answer and she shuffles closer to me slowly. She leans forward before hesitantly lifting her arms and wrapping them around my shoulders. I wrap my arms around her waist in kind and experience one of the most awkward hugs in my entire life. She relaxes into me for a half second before pulling away with a faint blush on her cheeks.

“Uh, thanks.” She says awkwardly.

“That was fucking weird.” We hear Carli blurt out from her position on the top stair.

“Would you go to bed?” I say turning to her and glaring daggers into her face. I hear here grumble something else about her tree legs before she disappears back into her room. How long was she even there?

“Alright, so… I should probably head to bed too. I’ll be up reading for an hour or so in my room though. Holler if you need anything.” I say as she starts to turn towards her room.

“Holler?” She asks with a smirk.

“Yes, but don’t actually holler.” I say and she arches up an eyebrow. “Carli hates loud noises and will pitch the nearest heavy item towards the sound.” She laughs and nods. If only she knew. Last time it was a lamp and it barely missed my tiny left defender. She hasn’t actually been back to our house since.

“Noted, no loud noises.” She says. After a beat or two of us just looking at each other, she speaks again. “Goodnight Hope.”

“Goodnight Kelley.” I reply as she turns and disappears down the hallway.

She really is something else. She’s a phenomenal person that had the perfect shit storm and left her with nothing. She admits that part of this could’ve been avoided if she had reached out to her family. She’s aware that she truly hurt them and the past few years have shown quite a bit of growth from that I think. I know I haven’t even known her for 24 hours, but I feel that’s a valid assumption. Carli’s definitely right, this _is_ fucking weird. Kelley is still this mystery box full of years and trials that I know nothing about, but I want to. I want to know her.

I really, _really_ do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huzzah, another update. This one was also well past my word quota, slightly bothersome, but I had a lot to cover. Things will eventually get darker I’m sure, but for now, we’ll stay relatively light and fluffy. I kind of hate this chapter because it’s so bland and slow but eh, I had to get it out. 
> 
> Don’t worry, I’m going to continue this story for quite a bit longer. I tend to update around once a week, but sometimes it’s a tad longer if it’s a longer chapter. I’m really glad you guys have been enjoying this. It makes me feel like the art of writing has not been lost to me.
> 
> Sorry I haven’t replied to any comments, I’m not used to direct contact with readers yet. I kinda feel like Bambi on ice, but I’m sure I’ll get over it soon enough.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	5. Losing Arguments

I woke up with a smile on my face.

Or… well, what I think is a smile. I don’t know, my face isn’t awake yet.

I glance at the clock and note that it’s 11AM before sitting up. I wonder if Kelley slept well. I can imagine it’s nice to be in a house with a bed and bathroom than what she’s used to. I’m also kind of excited just to talk with her again and get to know her better. I hope she felt comfortable enough to watch TV or something while she waited for Carli and me to get up.

At that I drag myself out of bed, stretching and making my way out of my room. It’s kinda quiet, maybe she’s still asleep.

I unsuccessfully stifle a yawn as I pad down the hallway across from mine to Kelley’s room. I knock once for good measure and wait a couple of seconds.

Nothing.

“Kell?” I say quietly as I crack open the door. My eyes adjust quickly to the darkness of her room to see… an empty bed that looks hardly slept in. I push the door all the way open and notice that Kelley is nowhere to be seen. She’s not in the bathroom either.

I guess… I guess she left.

I wish I could say that I’m not a little dejected, but I honestly figured she would still be here in the morning. I thought we were really connecting yesterday. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised though, this is technically cliché when dealing with anyone homeless. They leave before you tell them to, usually taking more than what they came with. To be honest, if she did take anything, I wouldn’t be mad. Whatever it was, she would need it more than I would.

“Hey”

“JESUSFUCK” I screech. I turn around with my hand over my heart and glare into Carli’s “I’ve been awake for hours you lowly peasant” face. “I _hate_ when you do that.”

“I wasn’t even trying to be quiet. How’s are little drifter?” She asks looking past me and into the room.

“Drifter, really? And she’s gone.” I say gesturing to the empty room.

“ _Bitch_ , I thought she’d stay after how much you fussed over her last night.” Carli says giving me an apologetic look.

“Who’s a bitch?”

“GAH- _fuuuck_ ” I screech yet again. Carli and I look back over towards the bed to see Kelley sitting up rubbing her eye from the floor on the other side. Carli even jumped a little.

“Are you ok?” Kelley asks with a yawn. Aw, look at her little tired adorable face.

“I’m fine, Hope however thought you left without a proper goodbye kiss.”

“Carli!”

“What?” She replies as Kelley’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Leave! I’ll give you a three second head start before I strangle you.” I say, dramatically pointing to the door.

“Keep your man hands away from my throat, Solo.” She says as she bolts from the room. I run my hand over my face before turning back to Kelley. Might I add, her cheeks are slightly tinted pink.

“I’m sorry about her. Literally, don’t take anything she says seriously.” I say.

“Uh, it’s fine.” She says letting out a nervous laugh. “I didn’t mean to startle you though.”

“It’s totally fine, I needed a good wake-me-up anyway, but why exactly are you on the floor?” I ask.

“Oh,” She says before standing up and stretching. “I guess I’m kind of just used to the ground. I couldn’t fall asleep in the bed.”

Good Kelley, tear my heart out while you’re at it.

“Oh, well did you sleep well?” I ask.

“Yeah, I slept amazing.” She says with a lazy smile. “It’s nice to be warm and not get woken up every ten minutes.”

Never mind Kelley, my heart is tearing itself out.

“Good, I’m glad. I was just coming in to see if you wanted breakfast.” I say with a slight smile. At that her eyes widen considerably.

“You don’t have to do that. I can just get my clothes and head back to-“

“Kelley, shut up and eat.” I say walking out of her room. She makes some sort of squeak of approval before I hear her bound out of her room and fall into step behind me.

When we get to the kitchen Carli is already in there nursing a cup of coffee. She lifts it in greeting to us before her eyes settle on Kelley.

“Coffee?” Carli asks Kelley.

“Uh,” She hesitates before glancing at me. I was already glaring, prepared for her to “not cause us trouble”. “I would love some.” She answers quickly.

She has such a cute smile. She’s grinning while Carli goes over to the espresso machine to make her a cup. Now that I think about it, she hasn’t really stopped smiling since we found out that she was indeed still here this morning. That’s good though, I’m glad that I can give her a few moments where she can relax and be taken care of. She practically vibrating when Carli hands her the mug of coffee and points to one of the barstools, which she hops up onto happily.

“Oh dear God mother’s milk.” She breathes after taking a sip. I’m not sure what I laughed at more, that comment or the euphoric look on her face. She blushes slightly before reaching for the cream and sugar. “So, I believe I was promised a story.”

“Ah yes, how I came to be the great Hope Solo” I laugh.

“Her parents fucked and here she is.” Carli grunts from behind her mug. That sends Kelley into a sputtering mess of giggling and coughing and I fix Carli with a look of complete betrayal.

“It’s like you want me to kill you!” I exclaim.

“It’s the truth, how the hell else would you have gotten here?” Carli argues.

“We were talking about life experiences!”

“You had to experience conception at one point!”

“ _After_ that Carli, we were talking about life AFTER that.” I say facepalming. I’m pretty sure Kelley stopped breathing.

“You’re just mad because I’m clever and thought of it first.” She says with a shrug.

“I’m not mad, I’m appalled. You realize we have a guest right?” I retort.

“Exactly, when else can I do this with someone not on the team?”

“Speaking of; Miss Clever, how about we get into who you’re sleeping with on the team?” I fire back. Kelley’s probably dead, but I have to win this argument with Carli before I check on her.

“Don’t bring her into this!”

“So you admit it’s someone on the team!”

“You color coordinate your underwear!”

“That doesn’t even-what- we aren’t even talking about that.” I sputter. I think I just heard Kelley finally inhale.

“Don’t make me go into detail about your underwear drawer in front of our “guest”.” Carli smirks.

“You wouldn’t-you know what? I’m gonna take a shower. I’m gonna shower and forget this happened and when I come back, you’ll have breakfast ready for all of us.” I seethe. “Behave.”

“Yes dear.” Carli says with a shit-eating grin. She may have won this round, but I will end her.

As I pass by Kelley I note that she is indeed alive. There are tears pouring out of her face and she’s still laughing, but she’s alive. I grumble all way to my room, into the bathroom, and all throughout my shower.

It’s true folks, no good deed goes unpunished.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

 

As I’m walking out back through the hall way I stop short, hearing Kelley and Carli talking. I hope it’s not about me.

Or my underwear drawer.

“Man, I haven’t laughed like that in a while.” Kelley says with a content sigh.

“Good. I haven’t seen Hope’s face get that red in a while either.” Carli replies with a laugh.

“So, she’s ok right? Usually when people take this much interest in a homeless person, it’s because they’re compensating for something.” Kelley asks quietly.

She’s asking if _I’m_ ok?

 “She’s… she’s Hope. The divorce kind of took a lot out of her.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right, she was married before. I remember hearing about her getting married before I was homeless.” She comments.

“Yeah they were… toxic. They loved each other, but not in a way that people should. They were a tad… rough with each other. Not like fist fights, but they definitely weren’t gentle. They were in love but they were ultimately killing each other. Neither one of them cried once throughout the whole divorce process. She still hasn’t cried and it’s been two years. _That_ is not normal.” Carli finishes.

“He didn’t cheat on her did he?” Kelley asks.

“They had a... slightly open relationship. He had a fling or two, she did too. They just kind of told each other about it and moved on. No fighting or jealously or anything.”

“Yeah, that’s definitely not normal.” Kelley agrees.

“I mean, it’s not like I had a great relationship with my ex either, but I was destroyed when I left him.” Carli sighs.

“Yeah, I heard about that. I don’t know if it helps much, but if I was around, I woulda beaten the shit outta him for you.” Kelley says. I can imagine a shy smile on her face.

“Thanks. I would’ve let you, well, providing there was anything left after Hope got ahold of him.”

“Hope got ahold of him?”

“Oh yeah, he probably still can’t walk straight. Maybe that’s where all the pain of her divorce went.” Carli ponders.

“Well then good. I don’t understand how people can have someone’s heart in their hands and not understand what that means. It’s a precious thing and your heart deserved better.” Kelley says simply.

It’s quiet for a beat before Carli speaks up. “Uh, yeah.” Her voice wavers. “You know, breakfast is done and I have a few things to do so, dig in.” She rushes out before I see her walk briskly past my hallway. Her eyes are wet and I have no doubt what Kelley just said got to her.

I probably should’ve warned Kelley not to talk about Carli’s ex. She is super sensitive about it and will shut down for days afterwards. It’ll be a miracle if she even speaks to Kelley again. Well, those two getting along was nice while it lasted.

I decide to make my appearance known as I hear Carli’s door shut.

“Hey,” I say acting as if I just walked out of my room.

“Hey, feel better?” She asks.

“Yeah, a quick shower is always a good pick-me-up.” I say making myself a cup of coffee when I get into the kitchen.

“Oh, well I’m glad the shower was good too, but I was talking about you listening to our conversation. Kelley states and I freeze.

Fuck my life and everything it stands for.

“In my defense,” I start, turning around to face her at the bar. ”Carli’s voice carries.”

“So does your breathing.” Kelley smirks.

“I don’t breathe that loud.”

“You sounded like a wind tunnel.”

“And you sound like you’re five, so I win. Let’s eat.” I say quickly. I can’t afford to lose another argument today.

Kelley simply chuckles as she loads up her plate with eggs, bacon, and toast.

“So… Carli seems… distraught.” She says after a minute or two.

“Yeah the breakup is kind of a sore spot for her. She tends to shut down pretty fast that way.” I say after shoveling an inhumane amount of food down my throat.

“Yeah I kind of figured that out after she fled like a bat outta hell.” She says with an apologetic look.

“She’ll be fine, those are the things she needs to hear. I just hope one day she learns to believe them.” I sigh. “So, I’m thinking we’ll leave around 4 to try to get you a spot at the women’s shelter.”

“Nah, you can just drop me back at the café. As long as the sun’s out, so am I.” She says after a bite of toast.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to be out in the cold again.” I say with a little worry.

“It’s fine, Hope. I can survive it like I always have.” She says with a look of gratitude.

“Fine, but I’m loading you up with food so you won’t have to do any favors for douche canoes.” I grumble.

“Sounds like a plan.” She laughs.

“So, we have a few hours till then. I say we stay in our pj’s all day, drink copious amounts of coffee, and watch trashy reality TV” I present. “I also may read… a lot.”

 “Hope, that sounds like the best idea I’ve ever heard.”

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“I don’t feel right about this.”

“Hope, you’ve already done too much. You went above and beyond the call of duty, I’ll be fine.” Kelley says slipping her backpack on.

“It still makes me nervous.”

“The great Hope Solo nervous?” She asks feigning shock.

“Very funny. I just want you to be safe.” I retort.

“And I will be, I’ve made it this far you know.” She says.

“I know…”

I hate to have to do this. I don’t wanna put her back out there but I know that I have to. Our lives have to go on. We spent the entire day lounging around while she poked fun at my “old lady habits”. Reading is not an old person thing and I will stand by that till death do us part. I’m glad she felt comfortable enough to be this relaxed and carefree with me though, I can’t imagine that happens much. It makes this part that much harder.

“You know you’ve literally known me for a day. I never took you as the “clingy” type.” She says with a teasing smirk.

“And I never  took you for a smartass.” I fire back and she laughs. “But really, be safe. I’ll be at the café a few times this week at my usual hour. You should stop in and say hi.”

“I’ll have to do that. Thanks for all of this again… you’re a really good person Hope.” She says with a small smile.

Keep it together Hope. You can deny it and cry all you want AFTER you drop her off.

I roll my eyes and pull her into me by her backpack strap before wrapping my arms around her. Her ear is to my shoulder and I lean my head on hers for a few seconds before sighing and letting go. I probably won’t get out of my car when I drop her off so now is the best time and I have to admit, that hug went much better than our first one.

“You’re leaving?” We hear Carli ask quietly from behind me.

“Yeah, I’m taking her back to the café.” I answer turning to face her. God, she looks like hell. Eyes red and features fragile.

“You should stay another night.” Carli says surprising us both.

“Oh, I couldn’t. You guys have already done so much.” Kelley is quick to reply.

“We have the room… and the weather is gonna get really nasty tonight. We can always take you where you wanna go tomorrow.” Carli says with a shrug at Kelley’s apprehensive look. “Come on Drifter, what have you got to lose?” A smile slowly makes its way onto Kelley’s face and she nods.

“Ok, one more night.” Kelley complies. Carli nods then heads back up to her room, leaving Kelley and I in different states of shock.

“So that happened.” I blurt out.

“Yeah… it did.” She says before taking her backpack back off.

To say Carli is acting weird is an understatement, but I guess now I know that she can be reached, even if not by me. Kelley got to her and maybe now she sees what I saw in Kelley. Maybe now she knows why I couldn’t just leave Kelley on the side of the road that night, maybe now she knows why I care so much. In that case, Carli would know more than I do, because I feel so incredibly drawn to Kelley.

And I don’t know why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again. 
> 
> So, I’m not too fond of this chapter, but it needed to happen. It’s pretty much the most pure form of a filler chapter. We are moving along though, so that’s good. I also didn’t really proofread it, so I apologize for any mistakes that I know are there. My mental health is being obnoxious so I didn’t work as hard as I should’ve, again, my apologies. Also, if you wanna read any more of my work in between waiting for chapters, I have two oneshots posted here as well.
> 
> Leave your thoughts.  
> A.Y.P.


	6. Sure Thing, Captain!

“Hope.”

…

“Hooooope.”

…

“HOPE!”

“BAH-oh my god!” I shriek startling awake.

“Morning, buttface.” A very smiley and very awake Kelley says whilst leaning over me.

“Seriously, what the hell is wrong with you and Carli?” I grumble sitting up.

“In my defense, it took a lot of poking, prodding, and at least nine different variations of your name first.” She’s quick to defend.

Cute. Now I have two obnoxious alarm clocks.

“I take offense to that, but it’s nice to know you think I’m cute.” Kelley says with a smirk.

Shit, did I really say that out loud?

“Yes, you did.” She replies. “Wow you really aren’t a morning person.”

“What on _earth_ could’ve given that away?” I ask sarcastically.

“The fact that you can’t control your mouth and thoughts at the same time.”

“You are such a smartass and it makes me wanna punch you.”

“Was that supposed to be another thought?”

“No, that one you were supposed to hear.” I say with a glare.

I earn a laugh from her at that and my resolve crumbles a bit. She’s a brave one, even so bold as to walk into my bedroom, the lion’s den, and wake me up.

We pretty much just ate and went to sleep after Carli’s spontaneous invitation for Kelley to stay another night. That’s also pretty much all we saw of Carli, she went back to her room and never came back out. It’s still progress though, I guess. Anyway, we turned in early in favor of Kelley wanting to get a full day out by the café. It’s probably for the best, I need a day to unwind before practice with the National Team tomorrow. It’s been nice to be off for the past few days, but I’m more than ready to be back in goal.

“What time is it?” I ask rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.

“A little after 8. It would’ve been exactly 8 if you didn’t sleep like you were damn near dead.” She jabs.

“Well then, thank you for being so gracious to make sure I’m alive.” I say flatly.

“Not a problem.”

“I’m gonna hop in the shower, you can go… do whatever you do in the mornings.” I say with a shrug.

“Well usually I feed upon the weakness in people’s hearts, but I guess I can just go for coffee.” She says as she makes her way out of my room.

This woman is gonna challenge me to my wits end, I’m calling it right now.

I get out of my bed and stretch before laughing to myself at Kelley’s antics. Who would’ve thought that in a matter of two days or so, that-

“PRESS?!” I hear Kelley screech from the living room.

“KELLEY?!” I hear a familiar screech that’s just as astonished. I bolt out of my room and down my short hallway to see Kelley’s back towards me and a slack jawed Christen press in my living room. I quickly walk to stand by Kelley, probably just as surprised as they are.

“Ok, there is way too much noise going on for someone ‘sneaking out’.” We hear, all turning to see Carli step out of her room at the top of the stairs. “Ohhhhh, shit.”

“Wait wait wait- Press is who you’re screwing?!” I exclaim.

“Wait, you’re screwing Carli?” Kelley asks Christen.

“Never mind that, what are you doing here?” Press says with a growing smile.

“Press. It’s Press. You’ve been sleeping with Press?” I blast at Carli.

“Oh my Goooooooood.” She draws out, stomping down the stairs.

“It’s a _really_ long story.” Kelley beams as Christen pulls her into a bone crushing hug.

“Wait, you two know each other?” Carli asks as they separate.

“Know each other? Kelley and I played at Stanford together. She held the all-time highest score in a season until _I_ beat her record.” She grins and Kelley rolls her eyes with a smile.

“Press was a junior when I was a senior. We were known for having quite the dynamic on the field.” Kelley says.

“Ok so this got weird.” Carli comments.

“You went to Stanford?” I ask slowly. There is no way I heard that right.

“Yup. Hard to believe, but yes Hope, I have beauty _and_ brains.” Kelley says as Christen snorts trying to contain her laughter.

“So what happened to you? You kind of just dropped off the face of the earth after the injury.” Christen asks.

“Yeah uh… things kind of went downhill from there.” Kelley mutters scratching the back of her neck.

“Downhill?” Christen questions.

“Yeah, she may or may not be homeless.” Carli blurts out.

“Carli!” I say slapping her shoulder.

“Ow, I said ‘may or may not’.” She says glaring at me.

“Are you serious?” Christen says turning to Kelley, concern written all over her face.

“Uh… yeah. Things went _really_ downhill.” Kelley says quietly. I’m gonna kill Carli.

“I knew about the scholarship falling through, but I had no idea it got that bad.” Christen says laying a hand on Kelley’s shoulder. “Why didn’t you reach out to me? I would’ve done something.”

“Between classes, call-ups, soccer, and an already crowded apartment? I’m not sure there’s much you could’ve done.” Kelley replies.

“Kell-“

“So you’ve been sleeping with Press?” I blurt out at Carli, effectively cutting off Christen.

“You know for someone who’s wicked fast and stealthy on the ball, you’d think you could’ve gotten out before they saw you.” Carli says to Christen.

“You know for someone who’s particularly dominant, you’d think you could’ve stopped cuddling me so I _could_ get out earlier.” Press fires back.

As yes, the beautiful sound of all our jaws dropping collectively.

Carli looks completely betrayed. It’s like Press literally just stabbed her in the face.

“Damn.” Kelley starts. “I always figured she was a top, but definitely not a cuddler.” Me too Kelley, that is not at all what I expected.

I see Carli’s eye twitch for a half second before she fires out her counter.

“I’m telling Dawn you ate two scoops of ice cream last night.”

“Fine, then I’m telling everyone that I ate them off of you.”

Where did the air in the room go? It’s certainly not here, not after the most intense gasp that just ripped through Carli. I’m actually kind of cringing, this is a lot of information that I never needed to hear. Kelley however, looks like she wants to get some popcorn and settle in to watch.

“I am you’re Captain!” Carli shouts in her ‘Captain Voice’.

“You know that title starts to lose its intimidation after you insist I call you that in bed.” Press retorts.

“Oh my fuck, you guys. I don’t wanna hear anymore.” I say covering my ears and fake gagging. Kelley is laughing hysterically at the look of pure horror on Carli’s face. Looks like I’m not the only one who met their match.

I can’t tell if Carli is about to cry, pee, or explode.

I’m not gonna lie, Christen Press is the last person I would’ve guessed that Carli would take to bed. Repeatedly. I knew her voice sounded familiar that one morning, but I would’ve never pegged Press. I honestly wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. Our precious little cinnamon roll being corrupted by… Carlos.

 “How…” Kelley sputters between laughter. “How did you end up with Carli? You guys- oh God my abs hurt- you guys are so opposite.”

“Oh my God, you sick fuck, you picked her because she’s so docile.” I say throwing a disgusted look towards Carli. “She’s like a fragile innocent deer and you’re the hunter with a bazooka.”

“Ok 1. Hunting with a bazooka is counterproductive and 2. Press is _not_ innocent.” Carli argues.

“You’re tellin’ me…” All our heads snap towards the source of the mumble that we were definitely not supposed to hear.

“I’ve been saying stupid shit for the past twenty minutes and **now** you guys decide to hear me.” Kelley facepalms. Press and Carli look mortified for two completely different reasons. I mostly just wanna throw up.

“Oh this is just… _wrong_.” Carli says in horror.

“Kelley, I believe we made a pact to never talk about that, a pact that is still in effect.” Christen says, her face bright red.

“Yeah so technically I owe you $1,000, but if you haven’t noticed, that probably won’t ever be paid. I have nothing to lose and this is too good to pass up.” Kelley responds with a shit eating grin.

“I feel so violated.” Carli whispers. My ears and brain feel violated.

“Oh relax it was one night.” Kelley says rolling her eyes. At that Carli relaxes a little. “Just multiple times that one night…”

“Kelley!”

“What? It was.”

I think Carli may have just stopped breathing. Like she’s not blinking or anything.

“Great, you now know I’ve been fucking and it turns out our drifter has partaken in it too. I’m gonna go drown myself.” Carli says looking rather pale before she stalks back up the stairs.

“This is not over!” I yell as she gets to her door.

“I want them gone by the time I reincarnate!” Carli yells over her shoulder.

“Sure thing, Captain!” Kelley shouts back. We see Carli freeze for a moment before shuddering and slamming her door. Press and I avoid each other’s eyes while Kelley laughs.

“No one can know about-“

“And no one ever will.” I cut Christen off.

“Good… I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” Christen says with a wince.

“You mean waking up to find that you two have been fucking above my head when I sleep, yeah, me too. Can I just ask… why?” I grimace. At that, Christen’s face burns even brighter. “Not about the sex part, ew, I mean why you and Carli? As Kelley pointed out, you guys are kind of opposites.”

“Oh, uh, I guess part of it is my docile nature you mentioned. I think she just needed to blow off some steam with someone she knew would be… discreet. Someone no one would expect or question.” She says as Kelley mutters a, “mission accomplished”.

“And you said yes?” I ask. This is still all so confusing to me. Press of all people? Really?

“Yeah. I’m docile, not a prude. Anyone would be insane to turn Carli Lloyd down.” She explains.

“I guess that makes sense, but you know she-“

“Is still recovering from her breakup, I know.” Press cuts me off. “She may be reckless, but maybe with me she’ll eventually open up. Who knows, I might just even get her to start meditating.”

“You still do that hippie mind voodoo stuff?” Kelly pipes up.

“Mediation and yes. She and I may not exactly be close, but that doesn’t mean I care any less. She didn’t deserve what she got and this way she can vent while we keep a lid on all of it.” Press finishes.

“I guess that makes sense… but it’s still really weird.” I comment.

I can’t tell if I’m more unsettled by the fact that Carli’s been with Press all this time or that Carli wouldn’t just open up to me about it. I’ve been under the impressed that she brought a different person home every time. She’s been seeing Christen consistently, but as far as I can tell, that’s all here is to it. Carli doesn’t seem like the pillow talking type and Press isn’t one to pry. If there’s nothing else going on behind the scenes then she should’ve been able to just talk to me about it.

“Sometimes even I’m surprised that this is actually happening. It doesn’t make sense, but I can’t imagine too much does to her right now. It wasn’t hard to see how much all of this had affected her, I’m glad I could do anything at all… even if that included her.” Christen mumbles out the last bit and I cringe.

“Well, thanks… I think. I’ll let her cool down while I drop Kelley off and then I’ll talk to her.” I sigh.

“Wait, are you headed north?” Christen asks turning to Kelley.

“Yeah, up to the Annex.” Kelley replies.

“Oh, well I drive right by there to get to my hotel. I could take you, it’ll give us some time to catch up.” Christen offers.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have to go out of your way.” Kelley says in her obnoxious attempt to make our lives easier. One of these days I’m gonna rip that stupid habit right out of her.

“Of course I’m sure. I want to hear a little more backstory and how the hell you ended up in Seattle.” Press says with a smile before turning to me. “You ok with that? I have a feeling the longer you wait to talk to Carli, the more she’ll shut down.”

She has a point. Although I wanna spend as much time with Kelley as possible for no apparent reason, I should go be the best friend that I should be.

“Agreed. If that’s fine with you Kell, I’m sure you guys can grab a bite to eat on the way-don’t look at me like that, Press would love you buy you breakfast.” I scowl at Kelley.

“I absolutely would love to.” Press agrees while giggling at our antics.

“Alright,” Kelley smiles. Gah, she’s so cute. “I’ll go change and grab my stuff.” We watch Kelley walk back to her room before I speak up.

“Thanks for taking her.”

“It’s no problem. I’m actually really happy I get to talk to her for a bit. She just kind of disappeared after she graduated, guess now I know why. We weren’t exactly best friends, but we knew each other well enough.” She pauses for a second. “Well enough to where we wouldn’t have let each other become homeless.”

“There’s not much you could’ve done. In the two days I’ve known her, I’ve already thoroughly learned that she refuses to reach out. She doesn’t want anyone worrying about her.” I say with a shrug.

“Sounds like Kelley, although she’s changed a lot. She’s missing her fiery temper and a bit of pride.”

“Was her temper really that bad?”

“It wasn’t bad, it was just an on field thing. She knew how to piss of a ref and the entire opposing team in less than two seconds. It was actually quite impressive.” Christen finishes. “So, I’m gonna take her to the Annex and you make sure Carli is… as ok as she can be right now. I’ll catch up with you two at practice tomorrow.”

“Sounds good. By the way, if you drove, where did you park?” I ask. Why have I never seen another car here?

“Oh… yeah… she had me park in a dark lot right off your street.” She says smiling shyly.

“Well next time you can just park in the driveway.” I smirk.

“That would be greatly appreciated… walking a quarter of a mile in the dark with what I’m pretty sure is a raccoon stalking me is not ideal.” She shudders.

Ah a raccoon.

I probably shouldn’t mention that a lone bear cub has been spotted in these parts.

............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

“So...”

“Hope, I’m trying to sleep.”

“Are we gonna talk about this?”

“You asked me that already.”

“Yeah, right after Kelley and your secret mistress left. Then you told me you were taking in a nap and then you “slept” like 10 hours and now here I am finding that you’re apparently going back to sleep. Don’t tell me Press managed to wear you out in all her vigorous youth.” I smirk.

“Ok, my brain was already shutting down so I could actually sleep and I just had to reboot the whole system just so I can glare at you.” She says flatly, her face matching her statement.

“You can sleep all you want after you talk to me.” I reason.

“Ugh,” She groans leaning up on one arm. “What do I have to tell you to make this stop?”

“Just, talk to me.” I say sitting down on the edge of her bed. “I thought we were _dear_ friends?” She laughs lightly at that.

“We are and that’s why I didn’t say anything. Hope, I’m not blind, I know you worry about me. Bringing people home is just how I wanna cope with this, I knew you wouldn’t approve.” She sighs.

“Carli, you don’t need my approval. You never did, I love you regardless of whatever stupid shit you do. It’s your life and I fully respect that. I just don’t wanna lose you to this, to _him_.”

“This has nothing to do with-“

“It does.” I cut her off. “All of this is because of him. You’re not you, you’re whatever he turned you into when he did what he did. He might not have loved you like you thought Carli, but _I_ do. I just want to be able to help. You know I’d do anything for you.” I finish.

“I know.” Carli’s voice wavers, her eyes filled with tears that I know she won’t let out till I’m gone. ”I just need time.”

“We have that. Just let me know if-“ I’m cut off abruptly by someone pounding on my front door. Carli and I look at each other in confusion. It’s like 8 at night and raining buckets, who on earth would be at the door? Oh God I hope it’s not someone coming to tell me that Press got eaten by the bear cub.

I make my way down the stairs and to the door, Carli also coming down but stopping in the living room as whoever is there pounds on the door again. I hesitantly unlock it and take a deep breath before opening it and seeing… a soaked, shivering, red eyed Kelley. Before I can even ask what’s wrong, she blurts it out.

“Jay’s dead.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi. This took entirely too long to long to get up, but here it is. 
> 
> I’m actually pleased to see that no one guessed who Carli was sleeping with, I told ya, it was random. If I hadn’t written it I would’ve never guessed either. I think it’s gonna be fun to play around with those two. I also had to throw in some O’Press because after O’Solo, I will go down with that ship.
> 
> This chapter was almost entirely dialog, but was important in its own way. How about that cliffhanger though?
> 
> More to come, leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	7. We'll Figure It Out

It took all of 2.5 seconds before I had a 5’5” mass of sobbing, soaking, Kelley in my arms.

It also took about 2.5 seconds for my brain to respond and hold her close to me.

Carli is over and shutting the door in record time to keep the terrible weather out. Kelley’s heaving out a mass of mangled words at an alarming pace. Carli shoots me a worried look from behind Kelley and I shrug slightly in return.

“Ok, Kelley-Kell, calm down, tell me what happened.” I stutter out pulling away from her but resting my hands on her shoulders.

Now that I get a good look at her… holy shit.

“What happened to you?” I ask bringing my hand to a faint bruise under her eye.

“I-he’s dead. The night you brought me here and there was a stabbing at the Annex.” She sobs. That was him? I knew I had a bad feeling that night but…if I hadn’t of stopped her that night…

“Kelley, take a breath ok, tell me what happened.” I say trying to level her with my intense eye contact.

“Your laser eyes are as scary as I thought they would be and Jay got stabbed.” She rushes out.

“Was that the same stabbing that was on the news report?” Carli asks.

“Yeah.” Kelley sniffles before finally relaxing her shoulders a bit. “There was a fight over someone stealing someone else’s shit. Randy, the guy who stabbed him, was the kind of guy you stay away from. He was kind of an outsider though he’s been living in the dwelling for years.”

“The dwelling?” Carli asks.

“It’s the place we “live” when the weather lets us. It’s under a highway near the Annex, Jay and I managed to find a spot up there a while back.” Kelley answers as a shiver runs through her.

“Car, would you mind grabbing her some clothes?” I ask. Carli nods before walking past the both of us to get to her room.

“Randy was arrested and the other two guys just got released from the hospital. One of them recognized me and told me what happened.” She says as a few more tears roll down her cheeks.

“Ok, and what happened here?” I say gesturing to her eye. At that her shoulders slump and her gaze drops from mine.

“I didn’t even have time to properly cry. The second he told me Jay had died, my minutes were numbered.” She says quietly.

“Kell… what happened?” I ask slowly. Please for the love of God, don’t let this be going where I think this is going.

“It’s not safe for a woman, especially out there. Until now, because I had Jay, no one really messed with me. At that exact moment, I became free game. I’m not close enough to anyone for them to even consider protecting me.” She says quietly.

“Did-“ The rest of my question gets stuck in my throat. I know I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my life, but I would easily find anyone who hurt Kelley and personally set them on fire.

“I ignored the obvious stares and as I cleared the entrance of the camp, I ran.” She says before meeting my gaze again. “One random guy I’ve seen maybe once tried to stop me. He threw me down and that’s where I got this.” She says pointing to her face.

“Did... he do anything” I ask hesitantly. I had to get it out, I have to know if I’m about to commit murder or not.

“No.” She says and I let out a huge sigh of relief. “It… it wasn’t for lack of trying though.” She says as her lip trembles. I quickly pull her back to my chest at the sight. I keep my arms wrapped around her tightly as I hear Carli clear her through from behind us.

I look back at Carli and her concerned features before I nod my head towards the guest room. Carli and I have always been able to understand each other to a fault without the use of words. I know she’ll go and start a hot shower for Kelley and lay out her clothes and a towel. Hell, she might go start _me_ a hot shower after this. I have no idea how Kelley managed to stay alive being this cold and wet. That actually reminds me…

“Not that I’m upset about it in any way, but how did you get here?” I ask.

“When you live like this you have to be aware of your surroundings. You have to remember exactly how to get somewhere and back on the first try. I just… I ran. I ran and I ran until I got here. A residual perk of soccer after all these years.” She says before shivering again.

“Well I’m glad you did, you’re always safe here.” I reply trying to simmer my urge to go kill this guy down.

“What am I gonna do? I can’t just bitchslap every guy I come across like Carli.” She says pulling back to look up at me.

Dear god her eyes are stunning with the shine from tears. It sounds odd, but there’s some sort of clarity that comes from crying eyes. If you’ve ever really looked into someone’s eyes during that, you’d know what I’m talking about. The clarity, the extra shine in their eyes… there’s this vulnerability to it. Unfiltered emotion, it’s like staring into the naked soul. There’s nothing to cloud or distort what’s warring within them. In that moment you are seeing something so delicate, so precious, and it is a privilege to be trusted with that.

And she trusts _me_ with that.

“We’ll figure it out, right now Carli started up the shower for you and you need to get warm. We’ll talk about it more when you’re done.” I say cracking a small smile. “And if it helps, _only_ Carli can bitchslap anyone into submission.”

She lets out a watery laugh before nodding. “Um… I got tears and snot all over your shoulder.” She says as her cheeks tinge pink.

At that my smile completely slides off my face. I chance a glance down to my left shoulder and sure enough- “JESUS-FUCKING“

So… I may or may not be a _slight_ germaphobe.

“BALLS-SHIT-“

And I may or may not be currently ripping my shirt off in a panicked frenzy.

“FUCK!” I finish finally getting my shirt off and rifling it across the room. I let out a huge breath and rub my shoulder a few times before cringing.

“You let me sit in your fucking car and hug you after being disgusting, yet you practically lose a tit trying to get your shirt off because I cried on it?” She deadpans.

“I’m a complicated person.” I deadpan right back.

“Right… well as much as I’m enjoying the show,” She says glancing down to my abs. Thank God I put on a sports bra today. “A warm shower sounds great about now.”

I nod and step back, allowing her to get past me… while also fighting the blush creeping its way to my face.

Ok so that was embarrassing, but ultimately she was right earlier.

What the hell are we gonna do?

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

“She’s not going back there.”

“BAH-Jesus shit fuck Carli! It is not hard to announce your presence so you don’t scare the shit out of someone.” I say leaning heavily against the dryer.

“Not when I get a reaction like this.”

“I literally almost threw up.” I say placing a hand on my stomach and rubbing it slightly.

“Neat. You know we can’t let her go back right?” Carli continues.

“Back to the Annex?” I ask as I start Kelley’s clothes (and my shirt that she leaked her emotions on) in the wash.

“Yeah, you heard her, it’s not safe there. Hell, she barely had ten seconds before some guy tried anything.” She says leaning against the doorframe.

“I know. It’s times like this I wish she wasn’t so cute. Or I wish she had some sort of horrible defect so men wouldn’t look at her like that.”

“You think she’s cute?” Carli asks with a smirk.

Something is seriously wrong with me. Maybe I have some sort of subconscious hate for myself that causes me to shoot myself in the foot at every possible chance.

Yeah, that’s gotta be it.

“A word of this to anyone and you’ll regret it, _Captain._ ” I quip. Carli’s smirk drops and her jaw clenches.

“That’s low.”

“According to Press, you like it like that.”

“OK- we are off topic. The point is, we can’t let her go back out there. Next time she might not get so lucky and get away.” Carli sighs.

She’s right. I know Kelley can take care of herself to an extent, but we can’t chance that she’ll be able to fight off every John she comes across. I’m also not gonna just armor her up with pepper spray and a chastity belt and send her back out either. I can’t even imagine what she would’ve been put through had she not managed to get away. I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night if something happened to her, hell, I’ll probably be awake _tonight_ mulling all of this over. To be honest, the only thing that’s kept me from driving myself to the Annex and kicking this guy’s teeth in is that Kelley hasn’t told me who he is or what he looks like.

“I guess we could-“

“Keep her.” Carli finishes for me.

“Keep her? Carli, she’s not our pet.” I reason.

“I meant we should… let her stay. Why not keep her around? She’s not hurting anything and this way she’ll be safe and-“

“Oh my god.” I cut her off as my jaw drops.

“What?”

“You like her.”

“Like her?”

“You want to be her friend. You literally want to be friends with someone other than me. Holy fuck… you have it too.” I squeak out.

“Friends? Have what? What do I have?!” Carli panics.

“The _plague_.” I whisper. “The one she infected me with. You’re… you’re growing a heart.”

Carli looks mortified.

“I don’t know what’s worse… the fact that you’re right or that I actually do want to be her friend.” She rasps out.

“You wanna be whose friend?”

“FUCK- _me_. Will you two stop doing that?” I say placing a hand over my racing heart. Kelley walks up behind Carli all bright eyed and holding a towel.

“Well I mean, if you’re offering...” Kelley smirks and there is an unnatural amount of heat rushing to my cheeks.

“Ok, I’ve decided to kill Carli and then kill you using Carli’s dead body as a weapon.” I say as Carli turns towards Kelley.

“Hope and I were just talking about… bowling? Yeah, whatever. Are you feeling alright?” Carli asks.

“I’m ok I guess. I’m sure I’ll cry some more later on, but I’m ok as I can be for now.” She answers with a shrug.

“Do you want me to sleep with you?” I blurt out and at that, it’s Kelley’s turn to blush… profusely. Carli just looks like she’s holding in a cackle. “Jesus you guys, not like that. I meant like, do you want me to stay with you… during sleep… and… how do I make this uncreepy?”

“Don’t know, but you made it unsexual pretty fast, so you have that going for you.” Carli replies. Remind me to send out some applications for a new best friend later.

“Uh, well, either way I’m fine by myself Hope. I’m just gonna head to bed.” Kelley says and I nod.

“Yeah you’re gonna need to go to bed early anyway, we have practice tomorrow.” Carli states.

“Oh, ok. What time are you gonna drop me off?” Kelley asks.

“We’re not, Hope over here is gonna take you to practice with us. Goodnight!” Carli rushes out before bolting from the kitchen and to her room. Oh my God Carli, fuck you and everything you stand for with a cold spoon.

“Surprise…?” I say to Kelley who looks like she’s just seen a ghost.

“You’re taking me to practice with you… to see the national team… the one’s that won the world cup... the ones you play with…” She gets out agonizingly slow.

“I guess so… I mean hey, Christen will be there, so you’ll know her too. You’ll get to see what you missed out on and maybe even kick around a bit… or something.” I say hesitantly. Carli really threw me under the bus on this one.

“I can’t tell if I wanna throw up or orgasm.”

“You can do both if you want.”

“At the same time?”

“Orgasm first, then the vomiting won’t be so bad.”

“You sound like you have personal experience with that.”

“I have plenty of experience orgasming, I just figure it’ll dull out the vomit.” I blurt out, yet again. Her eyes widen slightly and her lips pull into a small smile. I really need to check my brain filter and find out why the hell I keep saying shit like this. “You have no idea how badly I wanna stab myself in the face right now.”

“I tend to bring out the dirty in you.”

“And the violent apparently.” I finish off and she laughs. “But really, are you ok for the night?”

“I will be. I just have to process this some more. It’s not like he was family to me, but he was important, not just for survival.” She says before turning to walk back to her room. I follow her but stop when she reaches the hallway.

“Alright, just let me know if there’s something I can do.” I say and she nods before yawning. “Holler if you need anything.”

“Will do.” She says with a small smile. “And uh, thanks for all of this. I didn’t know where to go.”

“Of course.” I say before stepping close and pulling her into my arms. She lets out a deep sigh and seems to sink into me. “I know Jay’s gone now, but for what it’s worth Kell, you’ve got me.” She holds onto me tighter and buries her face into my shoulder at that.

And for what it’s worth, I have a feeling I’ve got her too.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“I can almost hear you thinking of ways to get out of this.”

“Well can you blame me? It’s not like you’re just introducing me to your friends, this is _The National Team._ ”

“You realize the national team _are_ my friends right? And what are you so afraid of? It’s not like they’re gonna eat you.”

“Although I wouldn’t mind it from a few of them…”

“Oh my god, you did not just say that.”

“I make innuendos when I’m nervous!”

“You make innuendos all the time…”

“I’m a nervous person.”

“God I wanna punch you.” I mumble and she laughs.

As much as I wanna punch her, it’s nice to have someone to banter with before practice. I’m usually stone cold and won’t smile until someone trips on a ball or something. Kelley however, had me smiling from the moment she got in my car this morning. She managed to talk me into getting bagels and “a fuck-ton of cream cheese”. I almost drove into a light pole because of how concentrated she was when procuring her bagel. She actually just started on the last half of the stupid thing.

“So… I’m open to suggestions on what I should do after practice.” She says and I shoot her a confused look. “I mean where I should go. I honestly have no idea what to do now.”

“It’s ok Kell, we’ll figure something out.” I say and she nods.

“I’m not sure how. I mean, we were supposed to raise this baby together, how am I gonna do that without the father?” She replies while patting her belly affectionately.

My body reacted to this bit of new information much faster than my brain does. By that, I mean that I stomped on the breaks whilst letting out an incredibly loud, “WHAT?!” In response to our sudden stop, we are both thrown forward violently and Kelley’s bagel ends up splatted against the windshield, the generous amount of cream cheese she lathered on it keeping it stuck to the window.

Thank fuck there weren’t any cars behind me.

“Jesus, Hope! If you’re trying to prove that women are bad drivers, congrats, mission accomplished.” Kelley says rubbing her chest where I’m assuming her seatbelt dug in.

“Bad driving? When the hell were you gonna tell me you were pregnant?! You said you and Jay weren’t ‘a thing’. Where the hell would I even put a crib?!” I shout.

“You realize people don’t have to be ‘a thing’ to get prego right? And besides, I…” Kelley freezes.

“What?” I ask referring to her eyebrows clearing her hairline. Seriously? In all this time she never like, stole a box of condoms or something?

“A crib?” She asks.

“Yeah, it’s that thing that babies sleep in.” I deadpan, slightly fuming.

“You said, ‘Where would _I_ even put a crib’.” She says.

“And?” What the hell is she even getting at? If you have a baby, you get a crib, that’s kind of how it works. I just have no idea where I would put it and-… oh… _oh_ fuck.

“I’m going to guess by the mortified look on your face that you now realize what I was getting at.” She says. I don’t usually sweat **before** practice, but hey, extra conditioning I guess. “Hope… is this you asking to be my official baby daddy?” She finishes with a shit eating grin.

“We are not talking about this right now.” I rush out through my teeth.

“There’s no need to talk about it at all, I was kidding, I’m not actually pregnant.” She says with a laugh.

And then like some weird paranormal creepy shit, my head turns to her unnaturally fast and her laugh dies almost instantly.

“Heh… Hope, it was a joke. Why are you looking at me like that…? Hope?” She says shrinking into herself a bit more. We stare at each other for a few beats in dead silence before she launches out a defense. “You can’t kill me! You already punished my bagel, anything more would be premeditated and then you would go to jail for like… a long time.” She rambles.

I slowly turn from her and back to the road before finally continuing our drive to the stadium.

In complete silence.

The only noise that was made for the remaining five minutes of our drive was her peeling her bagel off the windshield and saying what I think was a prayer for the fucking thing.

When we park I quickly exit my car dragging my bag with me and Kelley runs to catch up to me.

“Come on Hope, you have to admit I got you good.” She tries.

“Yeah, you got me good, but you also may have just signed your own death certificate.” I say glancing at her.

“Ok, but can I be honest about something?” She asks. I look over at her fully, a hint of concern in my eyes. “I could probably get used to calling you Daddy.”

And then she laughs.

And then I chase her.

And then she sees how fast I am.

And then she’s tearing through the gate to the field with me hot on her heels.

And then her nervousness from earlier is clearly forgotten as she barrels past a bunch of my teammates, sees Carli, and bolts behind her to use her as a shield.

This girl, I swear…

She is somethin’ else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I took so long to update. Sometimes sexual assault/attempted rape happens and you’re left in a puddle of depression.
> 
> Anyway, I actually kind of like this chapter though not much happened. It might be because I’ve been thinking about it for a month or so. Things are starting to progress though and I feel a darker shade of all of this is gonna start to fade in soon.
> 
> In other news, I saw “Jay” again the other day. I hadn’t seen him in weeks and started to get worried that something had happened to him. He’s largely the inspiration for this entire story. His eyes have changed. They’re not bright like they were… they’re sad now, pained. 
> 
> Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now, the next chapter will be our little idiots at practice, that one I’m excited to write. And thank you for sticking around during this ridiculous hiatus, my apologies.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	8. She Is Something Else

To say that people were surprised to see me chasing down a small human upon entering the stadium is an understatement.

I stopped short of barreling into Carli because… well… you don’t just run into Carli Lloyd. Well played Kelley, well played.

“Do I even wanna know?” Carli asks as Kelley peeks up over her shoulder.

“No, but you can blame her when I’m in jail for murder.” I say as Kelley grins from behind Carli.

“And who is this?” I hear one of my fellow keepers ask. I didn’t even realize that she had been talking to Carli when we ran up.

“That would be Kelley, a… friend of Carli and I’s and a royal pain in the ass.” I answer her. If Kelley wants people to know about who she actually is to us, then I’ll let her tell them.

“Ah, I didn’t even know you guys had friends. I’m Ashlyn.” She says sticking her hand out to Kelley… who looks like she’s just seen a ghost.

“Hi…” Kelley replies cracking an awkward smile.

“Is she uh, is she ok?” Ashlyn says retracting her hand that Kelley definitely didn’t shake.

“Yeah, she’s a little star truck.” Carli answers with a smirk.

“Yeah uh… excuse us.” I say gently turning Kelley around and pushing her away from Carli and Ashlyn.

I spot Christen out of the corner of my eye talking to one of my middy’s and decide to steer Kelley that way. I swear, if I don’t get this girl around something familiar soon, she may actually have a heart attack. Kelley seems to realize where we’re going and her shoulders relax a bit.

“Speak of the dev-what the hell happened to your face?” Christen asks Kelley when we get over to them.

“Long story…” I answer for Kelley as she seems to freeze yet again, in front of another player.

“Later, got it.” Christen nods before shooting Kelley a concerned glance. “Well, since you’re here, Kelley this is Tobin Heath. Tobin, this is Kelley O’Hara.”

“Nice to meet you.” Tobin says sticking her hand out, this one Kelley actually shakes. “How do you two know each other?”

“Oh, uh, we went to college together.” Kelley answers shyly.

“Wait… college Kelley? The one you had that one weird night with where you were bent over tha-“

“YES- that Kelley.” Press shoots out cutting Tobin off. At that Kelley’s jaw drops, her previous shyness lost, and she looks at Christen with complete betrayal.

“You told her?! You said-and the other day-what-YOU OWE ME $1,000!” Kelley blasts. “How _dare_ you accuse me of betrayal when you were the one who broke the pact first! You were going to let me believe that you had stayed loyal and that I owed you money?!”

“Oh come on Kelley, You and I both know we never thought we’d collect on that anyway, I figured-“

“SAVE IT JUDAS!” Kelley exclaims before crossing her arms and glaring at Press.

“Well, it’s nice to put a face to the name… I think. I promise Christen only had good intentions when she told me.” Tobin reasons.

“Good intentions for what?”

“For… yeah never mind, you’re on your own for this one Christen.” Tobin gives up and Christen rolls her eyes. “You wanna kick the ball around with me?” She then asks Kelley.

“Y-uh… you want me to kick the ball around… with you…” Kelley stammers. I have to admit, seeing someone usually so composed and witty stammer is quite amusing.

Especially when said person is a little shit.

“Yeah, Alex will probably join in a minute, let’s see if you’ve still got some moves.” Tobin says with a smile as she starts to lead Kelley onto the field.

“Alex? As in Morgan? As in Baby Horse? As in The Keeper Killer?” Kelley asks. The Keeper killer? Haven’t heard that one before.

“The one and only.” Tobin laughs. “I have spare boots in my bag you can suit up in.”

“Hope!” Kelley whisper-yells, drawing all of our attentions. “I’m going to be wearing Tobin Heath’s boots.” She finishes with a dramatic inhale. Tobin laughs again and I shake my head at Kelley’s antics.

“I know, better get out there and make it look like you know what you’re doing before Alex gets there.” I quip. She turns back to Tobin wide eyed and they immediately launch into a conversation about how cool it is that Tobin is actually that “chill”.

“So now that those two idiots are occupied…” Christen trails off.

“What did Kelley have you bent ove-“

“We are definitely not talking about that.” Christen cuts me off. “What happened to her face?”

“Ah. I don’t know what all she told you of her situation, but the guy she travels with, Jay, died a few nights ago.” I explain.

“Oh, wow. Did he do that to her?” She asks, eyes full of concern.

“No no, after she found out that he was dead, well… some guy attacked her. There wasn’t anyone there to protect her anymore, so he tried to take advantage of that.” I finish, scratching the back of my neck. God, explaining it again just shoots me back to when she showed up on my doorstep. To think that anyone would try to put their hands on her…

“Did… did anything happen to her?” Christen asks. She looks like she’s half way to either crying, or dragging Kelley off of the field and stuffing her into a wad of bubble wrap.

“Just the eye, she got away before anything worse could happen. She ran all the way to my house and after that, Carli and I weren’t gonna let her go back, so here she is.” I say glancing back over to Kelley and Tobin. They’re one touch juggling back and forth and I have never seen Kelley smile that big. Must be great to feel her foot against a ball again, you know she missed it.

“Thank God. I shouldn’t have even dropped her off up there. Hope, if I had known-“

“It’s not your fault.” I say quieting her. “No one could’ve guessed that that would happen. Carli and I are gonna keep her for a while until we can figure something out.”

“Ok, good. Wait, ‘keep her’?” Press asks arching up a perfect eyebrow. She is literally perfect.

“Around. Keep her around… blame Carli for the terminology.”

“Carli wants to keep her? Should I be worried?” She asks with a smirk.

“If anything _Carli_ should be worried about the infamous Christen Not-So-Innocent Press. First Kelley, then Carli, and don’t think I didn’t see you making heart eyes at Tobin over there.” I tease.

“THOSE WERE-“ Christen quickly lowers her voice after seeing more than a few heads turn towards us. “Those were _not_ heart eyes. I don’t look at Tobin _nearly_ the way you look at Kelley.”

“Woah, ok, back it up there Press Release, I do _not_ give Kelley heart eyes.”

“Fine, bedroom eyes.”

“I’m going to ‘gouge out’ your eyes if you keep going.”

“There will be no gouging of eyes, Hope.” Carli says stepping up next to me, effectively ending Press and I’s bickering.

“That’s not fair, you’re biased to Press’s eyes.”

“I’m biased to everyone’s eyes seeing as we need them to do our job.” Carli parries. “Which leads me to my next point, go start warming up, Dawn will be out in a minute and she’ll kick your ass if she sees you just standing here.”

“Yeah yeah, would you mind grabbing Hinkle from that one place she hides before practices and send her my way?” I ask Carli as I head towards my goal. She nods and turns to leave as Press makes her way to midfield… where Kelley and Tobin are leg wrestling.

This is gonna be one hell of a practice.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

I know we’re not supposed to bring just anyone to our camps. Usually the only people we’re allowed to bring are our kids, if we have any.  I mean, Kelley is basically five so she should get a free pass.

I couldn’t really explain the situation while Jill was glaring me, but Carli shot her a look and suddenly Jill was at the opposite end of the field paying no mind to me or Kelley who was Dawn’s ‘assistant’ for the day. Speaking of, Kelley really seems to be fitting in with the girls. She had a slight hiccup when she met Ali Krieger and I was actually afraid she was going to jump her bones, but that feeling quickly passed… I think. She, Tobin, and Alex seem to be getting along quite well. She’s also been embarrassing the absolute shit out of Mallory by talking about how “adorable” she is and the rest of us are LIVING for that. HAO seems to like her a lot too. This honestly couldn’t have gone better.

She actually got a little timid around Carli at one point, she’s never seen Carli in, “Captain Mode”. She got over it quickly though when Tobin took a PK to the upper V and *I* saved it. She went from timid to shock and awe and my ego soared at that.

Until the next shot went directly into my gut and Ashlyn had to drag me from the goal so she could get on the line.

Short lived, but worth it.

Kelley even got to take a few shots and after a few absolutely horrid misses, we started to see why she was a star striker at Stanford. While most of us were surprised or impressed, Christen just looked like a proud Dad.

Gah, could you imagine if Kelley had actually been able to be here with us ON the team all those years ago?

Dawn also used Kelley in some sort of new “drill” where she strapped shin guards over about 90% of her body and sent her sprinting down the field. The object of the drill was to hit a moving and unpredictable target, like in a game with good coverage. I would’ve probably seen it as degrading, but Kelley was over the moon to have such an “important duty to our country”. Her words not mine. Anyway, we didn’t hit her that much, there was actually only one person that managed to beam her in the spine with a well-aimed ball…

 Who then almost burst into tears directly afterword.

“No, really, I’m fine! It just knocked the wind outta me.” I hear Kelley say for a millionth time trying to comfort the poor kid that did it.

“Ok Solo, where on earth have you been hiding her?” Ashlyn says coming to stand next to me. Everyone’s either been cooling down or watching Kelley attempt to comfort someone for the past 20 minutes.

“I haven’t been hiding her anywhere, she kinda found me. She’s great isn’t she?” I ask, my eyes still trained on Kelley.

“Absolutely. I thought having the babies called up would brighten things up around here, but she is something else. She’s been trying to console Rose for like a half hour. Do you think Jill will let us keep her?” She asks.

What is it with people and that?

“You’d have to ask Jill. Lord knows I am not in her good graces.”

“Yeah but, it’s not like she can get rid of you. Besides, she’s great for morale. I would’ve never guessed that you were the one that brought her.” She says smiling at the scene in front of us.

“Me neither.” I reply.

“… Some pretty intense heart eyes going on over there.”

“Zip it Krashlyn, like you have any room to talk.” I deadpan. She laughs loudly at that.

“Well, whatever you have to do to keep her around, I say do it. She’s good for… you. All of us, but specifically you.” She says drawing my attention.

“How do you mean?” I ask.

“I don’t really know yet, but I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” She says before clapping a hand on my shoulder and heading off to the locker room.

What is that, like the eighth person who recognized that about her?

“Hey Hope.”  

“FUCK… would you stop it!” I whip around to glare at a grinning Kelley.

“No and this was probably the best day of my life.” She says with a light I have never seen before in her eyes.

“Well good. You needed it.” I say letting a smile play on my lips.

“Yeah, especially as of late. This makes it a lot easier to handle. I don’t know how to thank you for this.” Kelley says looking at me like… like in a way that makes me feel that heart that she made me grow.

“You can thank me by keeping that extra room at my place warm for a while.” I say and her smile drops from her face.

“Wha-Hope, no, I can’t do that. You’ve already done so much and whether you like it or not, I’m still a homeless stranger. I’m not gonna mooch off of you and Carli because you feel bad about my situation.” She says firmly.

“You’re not, there’s plenty of shit we can find for you to do to earn your keep. We’re not sending you back out there, at least not until we can find something better. Plus, you kinda screwed yourself over.” I say with a grimace.

“How so?”

“Take a look around. Do you really think these girls are gonna let you go that easily?” I ask as she glances around the field and then back to me.

“It’s been one day.” She says rolling her eyes.

“Which is more than enough time for everyone to fall in love with you. Come on Kell, you’ve got nothing to lose. You might not think that you deserve some peace of mind, but I can count about 25 people within this vicinity who will tell you otherwise.” I finish.

Her eyes are doing that thing again, shining with tears and magnifying everything she’s feeling right now.

“More than enough time to fall in love with me huh?” She sniffles. “Why Ms. Solo, is that foreshadowing I hear?”

“Very funny, but I’m serious, stay for a while. Let us work something out.” I say as Tobin walks up to us, thankfully not mentioning Kelley’s current emotional state.

“Hey so, we’re going out for drinks tonight. I know it’s not really your thing Hope, but Kelley, if you wanna come I can drop you off wherever you live after if that’s cool?” Tobin asks.

Kelley looks at me for a half second before turning back to Tobin.

“Are you sure?” She asks. Oh my fuck, this again.

“Positively. The rest of the girls were hoping to hang out with you more.” Tobin finishes with a smile.

“Then I would be honored. I uh, I’m actually renting a room at Hope’s place, so you can just drop me there.” She says before nodding to me as a form of goodbye. A smile spreads across my face at her answer and I wink back at her in recognition. Tobin immediately launches into how awesome it was that she was brave enough to be a human target as they walk back towards the locker room.

Good, I’m glad she gets to do this.

And no, I wasn’t trying to foreshadow earlier about one day being more than enough time to fall in love with her, but to be honest…

It wouldn’t be hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone. 
> 
> I’m not even really sure what I just wrote, but things happened and that was the aim.   
> Life has just been going to absolute sh** lately and I’m trying not to let it affect my writing negatively. That; is difficult. I don’t wanna treat this like a support group, but I just want you guys to know that there are legitimate reasons behind the delays and whatnot.
> 
> Anyway, things are moving right along. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts.  
> A.Y.P.


	9. No Kelley Does Not

So, I was relaxing as one does after an intense soccer practice and I only worried about Kelley twice.

But each time lasted about a half hour.

Fine, like an hour.

I’m not worried about her being safe, she’s got Tobin and Alex and whoever the hell else with her. I’m just worried she may get cornered into a conversation she’s not ready to have with the girls yet. Like, “Where are you from?”, “How did you end up in Seattle?”, “How did you meet Hope?” and so on. I mean, she’s an adult (sort of), she should be fine right?

I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear a knock on my front door. I totally don’t panic and hit my shin on the coffee table whilst scrambling to the door. I also don’t give myself a heart attack thinking that it’s going to be a police officer telling me that on their way to drop Kelley off, they were all eaten by the rogue bear cub either.

“Hopey!” I hear as I open the door before, for a second time in two days, a 5’5” mass of Kelley latches onto me. I give a slight “oof” when she collides with me and gingerly wrap my arms around her.

Oh thank God.

“So apparently Kelley’s a lightweight.” I hear Tobin say as I look up to see her and Press in the doorway.

“She had a jager bomb.” Press says sheepishly.

“How many?” I ask as something akin to a purr emits from Kelley.

“No that was it. She had _one_ lager bomb. Not even a beer or anything else.” Press answers.

“I’m also pretty sure Kling wants to marry her now. Apparently Kelley really likes to complement people when she’s intoxicated and the way to Kling’s heart is through her hair so…” Tobin trails off with a grimace.

“I’ll keep that in mind.” I retort as Kelley snuggles into me further.

So, it’s come to my attention that Kelley does this thing when she hugs people. This horribly cute thing where she burrows her face into your neck and it’s like you become her center gravity. She’s currently doing that now and it’s taking everything in me not to explode in a fury of… of… I don’t even know. What do people even do when they feel all… fuzzy and… cuddly and… tingly? Whatever, that warm feeling in my chest is back and Kelley refusing to let go of me is not helping.

I mean… I haven’t exactly let go of her either but…

“Oh, but you haven’t even heard the best part.” Tobin starts. “She made sure we all knew just how beautiful your eyes are.”

The heat in my chest has moved to my face and if I could throw Kelley across the room at the moment, I would.

“And her jaw-clenchy-ness.” Kelley cuts in, her words muffled by my neck. “And her abs of chiseled golden wonder. And her face. Her scary, kissable face.”

Fuck it. I can’t handle the cute. I’m going to become a human trebuchet and launch her into my-HER bedroom. Her bedroom.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you with this much color.” Tobin says with a smirk.

“A word of this to anyone and I’ll throw you further than last time, Heath.” I deadpan.

“Nooooooo Kelley doesn’t want you to throw Tobin.” Kelley says into my neck.

“Yeah Hope, Kelley doesn’t want you to throw Tobin.” Tobin says with a laugh.

“Kelley like’s Tobin’s smile. Tobin is also Daddy, but not as Daddy as you, Hope.” Kelley pipes up yet again.

“Fuck me.” I grumble as Tobin bursts out into one of those disgusting laughs where you can’t breathe.

“Kelley would love to.” Kelley says as the rest of the blood in my body rushes to my face and Tobin’s laugh morphs into one of those disgusting laughs where you can’t breathe or make any noise and start to drool a little.

Christen just has the most pitiful apologetic look on her face.

“She is never going out with you idiots again.” I say as I start to pry Kelley off of me.

“Yeah, she mentioned she hadn’t had alcohol in a while, but this was… unexpected. She used to drink people under the table in college, I figured she had some residual tolerance from that. I was so, _so_ wrong.” Christen grimaces.

“This is-” Tobin coughs a hacks a few times. “the best night of my life!”

“Well if you don’t want your life to end prematurely, you’ll stop drooling on my welcome mat and leave.” I say finally detaching Kelley from me. She pouts slightly at first, but then grins as she reattaches herself to my arm and rests her head against it.

Oh my God, resistance is futile.

“Good idea, sorry, she gets really cuddly when she’s drunk.” Christen says while trying to return Tobin to a proper standing position.

“Lies and slander, Kelley is always cuddly.” Kelley says hugging my arm tighter.

“Kelley also talks in third person when she’s drunk.” Christen says with a laugh.

“No Kelley does not!” Kelley shouts heatedly, a look of pure confusion on her face a second later. “Oh.”

“Who the fuck is making this much noise at ten at fucking night.” We hear an angry Carli say as she throws open her door and stomps down the stairs.

I tense immediately tense and gulp. Oh god… oh no… we’ve evoked the wrath of Tired Carli.

“I swear to fu-“

“Oh heyyyyy, Underappreciated Jawline.” Kelley says, very effectively cutting off Carli’s slew of whatever witchcraft she uses when she’s tired.

“Ok… what did you do to Driftwood over here?” Carli says eyeing me before glancing to Press and Tobin.

“They didn’t do anything… yet.” Kelley says wiggling her eyebrows at Carli.

“Yeah no, I’m leaving.” Carli says immediately after Kelley’s unsettling facial expression. And boy was she, literally turned on her heel and walked back up to her room. There was no yelling or throwing or anyone being harmed. Huh.

“Right… well, I’m gonna try to put this one to bed. I have a feeling things are only gonna get weirder from here.” I say with a timid smile.

“Good idea, we made her pound like a gallon of water on the way here, hangover shouldn’t be bad at all.” Tobin says with a nod.

“How considerate.” I deadpan.

“Not a problem, we’ll see you tomorrow.” Tobin says before reaching out to pull Christen along.

“Actually, I think I’m gonna stay and make sure Kelley survives. It’s kind of unfair to dump her on them after we got her this way.” Christen says with a nervous smile.

“Oh, are you sure? I don’t wanna leave you stranded without a car.” Tobin says. Because I’m me, I can see Press racking her brain for some other excuse to stay. Ok, time to do my thing and save the day.

“We can take her to practice and wherever else. Since Christen seems to have some experience with drunk Kelley, I would appreciate all the help I can get.” I say trying and failing to pry Kelley off my arm again for emphasis.

“Alright, well if you’re sure, I will take my leave. You should bring her again tomorrow, I think Dawn actually enjoyed having someone to do the grunt work for a change.” Tobin says before turning and walking out towards my driveway.

“I’ll just have Carli glare Jill into submission again!” I yell after her. She gives a slight wave from over her shoulder before my attention is pulled back to a very thankful looking Christen.

“Thanks… I wasn’t really sure what other excuse I could use without making it weird.” She says shyly as Kelley, I kid you not, starts purring again.

“Don’t worry about it, as utterly hurt as I am that you weren’t actually offering to help with Kelley, I think Carli would enjoy your company more.” I say with a smile.

“Thanks.” Press breathes out with a smile to match. As she sidles past Kelley and I after closing the door, her smile only gets bigger.

“Wait,” I say stopping her before she reaches the stairs. “What exactly am I supposed to do with this?” I gesture to Kelley.

“Oh, uh…I don’t know, cover yourself in hot sauce, maybe it will ward her off.” She shrugs.

“Mmmm, Spicy Solo.” Kelley murmurs. Seriously, fuck. Everything.

“Ooook, well, good luck.” Press finishes before bolting up the stairs and into Carli’s room, leaving me in a state of betrayal. Fucking really? She gets Kelley completely smashed and leaves her with me to pick up the pieces?

“Ok Kell, time for bed.” I grunt practically dragging her into the living room.

“Can Kelley sleep in your bed?” She asks nuzzling my shoulder.

Thank God she’s too drunk to see my face right now. It’s like a perfect mix of horrified, embarrassed, and kind of content.

“Kell, you have your own bed.” I try to reason.

“Kelley knows but Kelley wants sleep with you.” She says looking up and me innocently.

“I-God I wish you were aware of what you’re saying. Kell, we’re gonna sleep in our own separate beds.” Honestly, I feel like she may jump me if we sleep in the same bed. I mean, it’s not the worst thing that could happen, but I’d want her to be sober. No wait, not like, sober when she jumps me, just sober in general. She doesn’t need to be drunk to jump me… or sober… there will be no jumping I mean…

Oh my fuck, nevermind.

“But why? You wanted to sleep with me last night.” She says again oh so innocently.

“I know, but that was because I was worried about you. You’re ok right now and looking at me with that stupid innocent-yup that look right there, isn’t gonna change that.” I finish off with a state of finality.

She’s not stopping the look.

She’s holding onto my arm tighter.

Gahmygod-that warm fuzzy feeling is in my chest again.

It hurts.

It’s spreading.

“Fuck, fine go put on something to sleep in.” I grumble as Kelley let’s out an adorable victory yelp. She squeezes my arm just a bit tighter before hopping up (literally hopping) to press a quick kiss to my cheek and then stumbles away to her room.

And then I let out a groan/cringe/grunt/convulsion/I don’t even know, and end up with my hands on my knees whilst staring at the floor. Nope. Hope doesn’t like this feeling. Hope thinks it feels really good, but also like it’s killing her. Hope can feel her heartbeat in her fingertips. Hope is thinking in third person and kind of understands why Kelley does it. Hope is in deep shit.

Hope thinks Kelley is cute.

“Ok that was really cute.” I hear before snapping my attention (and a nasty glare) to the top of the stairs where Press is peeking out of Carli’s door.

“Go to bed!” I yell as she laughs and closes the door.

“Fucking Press fucking Carli and getting Kelley drunk with her stupid fucking adorable face-.“ I grumble incessantly for literally ten minutes. I roughly pull on a sleep shirt and shorts when I get back to my room, yes, grumbling the whole time. I sit on the edge of my bed take a deep breath… which is short lived because Kelley comes sliding into the room a half second later.

“Who’s ready for a sleepover?” Kelley says, barely regaining her balance.

“Kelley, just get in the bed.” I say through my teeth.

“Ooooh, she’s a top, I like it.” She says before clambering over me and onto the unoccupied side of the bed.

I take another deep breath before hitting the switch on my lamp and laying down next to her. This is so fucking awkward.

I close my eyes and ‘try’ to fall asleep when I feel a poke to my shoulder.

“Hope.” Kelley whispers, turning on her side to face me I assume. Ignore it Hope, ignore it and she’ll think you’re asleep.

“Hoooooooopey.” She drawls out poking my shoulder again.

Deep breaths Hope, in and out.

“Hopesicle.”

In.

“Hope-apotomus”

Out.

“Hopeypoozle”

“FUCK- what Kelley?!” I blast turning my head to look at her.

“You’re a good person.” She says wish a sheepish smile.

“Thank you Kelley. Go to sleep.” I sigh.

“No I mean really.” She says leaning a bit closer to me. “You’re a good person.”

“Yeah well, not everyone would agree with you.” I say turning my head to glare at the ceiling.

“I know that, but they don’t see you the way that the people that love you see you.” She says.

“The people that don’t love me far outweigh that people that do Kell.” I say.

“But the people that love you are the only ones that matter.” She argues.

“Kelley, when you’re me, you lie to the people that love you and hope that it works out anyway. The ones that matter don’t even know what they got into. Their love comes at the price of true honesty. Does that sound like a good person to you?” I snap looking back to her.

“We all lie to protect the people we love, Hope.” She says like it’s obvious.

“And that’s selfless in a twisted way, but I don’t lie to protect people, I lie to protect that image of myself. I’d lie myself into a grave if it kept that appearance alive. I don’t do it so people think that I’m better than what I am, I do it so that maybe if I can cover up enough fuck ups, I might actually be able to be that person. If I can make the slate look clean, then I can secretly start over and no one would know the wiser. The ones that matter will believe me, that’s what’s important.”

This should hurt-this is _supposed_ to hurt, what I’m saying. I should be a mess when explaining part of one of my darker philosophies.

But I feel nothing.

I feel apathetic, nonchalant. What I’m saying isn’t a revelation, it’s a reality. It’s just what I do and anyone who doesn’t see that is naive as far as I’m concerned. I know when I lie, I know why I lie, and I know that most people will know that I’m lying.

But that sure as hell won’t stop me from lying.

“Where is all this coming from, Hope?” She asks.

“You!” I exasperate.

“Would you shut the hell up?!” The both of us hear Carli shout from somewhere above us.

“Fucking-Carli-shit with her loud noises.” I seethe pinching the bridge of, my nose. “You. All of this is coming from you insisting that I’m a good person.”

“Hope, none of us think that we’re good people, someone else is supposed to help show us that.” She says furrowing her eyebrows.

“No one can show me that because it’s not there.” I say leveling her with my eyes. “Kelley, I am _not_ a good person; I do good things. _That_ is the difference.”

She’s silent for a while, holding intense eye contact with me. It’s like she’s studying me, trying to find the truth in my words.  She only knows the Hope Solo that the media blasts, that her family protects, that her teammates love, the Hope Solo that picked her up off the side of the road. Well this is me too, the rest of me. Anyone can claim that I’m a good person and I’ll let them believe that, but Kelley is taking it a step too far. She wants _me_ to believe it.

But I’m not that naive.

I am not a good person, I just do good things.

“What’s something you lied about?” She asks quietly.

“I don’t wanna ruin that image of me.” I whisper back. “Not for you, for me. I don’t wanna ruin that image for me.”

“Fine, you can be whatever the hell you think you are. You can lie and swear that you’re not a good person, but the only person you aren’t good enough for is you.” She spits. “You know what, maybe you aren’t good enough for most people and maybe you’re right in that respect, but don’t you dare tell me that I have to believe that. You’re good enough to me, Hope. You’re a good person to me and that might not be enough for _your_ standards, but **I** don’t live by **your** standards. I live by **mine** and by my standards, you are good, Hope. You don’t have to believe that you are, but you have to accept that _I_ believe that you are.

And a weakness I’ve never felt before swallows me.

I don’t lose at anything, I win even if I have to force it, but there is no fight in me. There’s nothing I can parry her with, nothing solid that I can argue.

Because she’s right. Fuck, she is right.

I hate that I can’t force her to see how self-aware I am and that the way I view things is just. I can control what I see and I can control what other’s see, but I can’t control what she believes. I can’t manipulate what she feels. I’m a good person by her standards and I hate that. I shouldn’t be, I swear I don’t deserve it, but it doesn’t matter. What makes us human is our individuality. The difference in the way that we think, feel, and process. You can’t take that from someone.

I can’t take that from Kelley.

“You’re not that drunk are you?” I whisper. If I knew how to cry, I would be by now.

“I was, but I started sobering up an hour ago. Am I drunk? Yes. _That_ drunk? No.” She whispers in return as a sleepy smile crawls its way to her face.

“So what was with all the theatrics earlier then?”

“Well how else was I gonna shamelessly hit on you without drawing too much attention?” She mumbles before drifting off. I give a small smile at that and watch and she slips further and further into unconsciousness.

 Well fuck. No matter what I say, I’m what Kelley would call “good”.

And I can’t do anything about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got around to that bit of darkness I mentioned a while back. Not a lot actually happened in this chapter. It was a tad rushed, but I feel like most people can relate to a slow burn of irritation and then having it just explode. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative.
> 
> I had to throw in a bunch of K’O cuteness though, I couldn’t resist.
> 
> I also appreciate the support I’ve been receiving in the comments. I think we’re all in different stages of falling apart, some of us more put together than others, but I’ve been doing better.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	10. That Conversation

I can definitely say that seeing Kelley, Press, and Carli in my kitchen with their forms of breakfast like some sort of fucked up dysfunctional family made everything a little weird this morning. Carli is nursing a cup of coffee while Kelley is eating what looks to be our entire kitchen, Press however is eating a mixture of fruit like the healthy little monk that she is.

It's also dead silent.

I know why Kelley and I may be a little awkward towards each other, but did Carli and Press get into some kink shaming or something last night? You know what, never mind, I don't actually wanna know.

"So this isn't weird." I say walking past Kelley on one side of the bar, then passed christen on the other side as I get to the coffee maker.

"Yeah, did Press finally get too freaky with you or something, Carli?" Kelley asks.

I didn't think the house could get any more quiet, but Kelley just proved me wrong. Even with my back turned, I know that Carli is hardcore glaring at Kelley, who probably has a shit eating grin on her face, and Christen is probably blushing. I'll admit, I'm glad Carli can't see my face because that made me smile.

"Hope, wipe that smirk of your stupid face." Carli seethes.

Whelp, never mind.

"I have to agree with Kelley, it was pretty quiet last night, was she too much for you?" I ask Carli as I turn around, bringing my cup to my lips. And as I figured, Carli is glaring, Kelley is grinning, and you can't actually make out any of Press's facial features because she is so red.

"I know how to use a gag, Hope." Carli says.

And then I choke on scalding coffee that I inhaled.

Carli smirks and Kelley giggles as I hack and sputter. I could literally be fucking dying and they're both too smug to save me.

"Although I'm not sure how you would gag me when both or your hands were tied." Christen mumbles.

I would throw up if I wasn't choking harder than before now.

But on the bright side, Carli seems to have also inhaled coffee and is bent over trying to dislodge a lung. Kelley however, is just outright cackling.

"Oh my-" One deep inhale later. "god. You are fucking disgusting." I wheeze.

"Oh please Hope, like you've never gotten freaky or wanted to. I'm just surprised that Carli's such a… sub." Kelley says as Carli shoots her another solid glare.

"Oh eat a dick." Carli says finally having regained some oxygen.

"Not really my style." Kelley says before I see the wheels turn in her head for a moment. "Speaking of… when did that _stop_ being your style?"

"When she got drunk with me." Press mumbles into a strawberry.

And then Carli facepalms.

Hard.

"Wait, _that's_ how all this started?" I ask after a particularly hard cough.

"Fuck, fine. Yes, that's how it started." Carli says reluctantly.

"Just couldn't hit it and quit it?" Kelley asks. Christen smacks her shoulder as I turn my attention fully to Carli.

"So you got drunk, had sex, and then just kept doing it? I thought it was some elaborate Carli Carnivore hunting down a lonely Christen Fawn and then ripping said Fawn to shreds after she played with it first." I say as Carli rolls her eyes.

"For lack of a better analogy, that's exactly how it happened… the first time." Carli says.

"Because we all know Press can go more than once." Kelley says before Christen smacks her shoulder again.

"I could have literally gone my whole life without knowing that, Kelley." I cringe.

"Jealous?"

"Of what?"

"The fact that Press can go more than once."

"OK" Christen interjects between Kelley and I's bickering. "Let's not talk about how many times Christen can go. Let's move on."

"You have no idea how many times I can go, why would I be jealous?" I say ignoring Press.

"Because you're old, vigorous activity might be a little too much for you." Kelley shoots back.

"Vigorous activi-you realize I'm a professional athlete right?" I say, putting my cup of half choked on coffee on the counter. I don't want the temptation of "accidently" throwing it at her face as an option.

"And?"

"And that means I have _great_ stamina."

"Stamina for?" Kelley drawls out.

"Sex!" I shout irritated.

And then all three of the idiots are smirking at me.

"Wait-no- I meant for games. Games. Stamina for training and… fuck you Kelley." I grumble the last bit.

"Wow you walked right in to that." Carli says shaking her head. "I'm gonna go get ready to go."

As Carli walks out of the kitchen and over to the stairs, Christen chips in some sort of excuse to go with her and scurries off shortly after.

I'm such an idiot. I wonder if she pities how much of an idiot I am.

"So, is it your thing?" Kelley says as her smirk finally leaves her face.

"Is what my thing?" I sigh.

"Eating a dick." She says tilting her head to a side a bit.

Wat.

"Uh… well it was." I answer.

"Is it still?"

"Why is that important?"

"I'm just wondering. I mean, you're the odd one out now." She says before dropping her eyes to her empty-wait empty? Holy shit she actually ate all that food?

"Well, it's kind of always been my thing." This is a weird ass conversation. I know what we're referencing, but we're literally talking about eating dicks.

"Would it ever… not be?" She asks, I wanna say, shyly?

"Um, well I gave it a shot, but it didn't really do anything for me."

"Hm. Maybe it wasn't the right person."

"Is there a wrong person?" I laugh and she smiles.

"No no, I mean, sometimes the absence of a… dick, isn't the problem. Maybe you have to fall for the person first. Maybe you're one of those personality people." She explains.

"Ok, so maybe I am, maybe I haven't had the right experience yet. I guess I'd be open to it." I say the last part quietly. Kelley looks up and me, eyes hopeful and slightly playful.

"Are… we having **that** conversation right now?" She asks with a slight upturn of her lips.

" **That** conversation?" I question.

"The con-"

"Hey look, I'm ruining your moment." Carli cuts Kelley off as she and Press pass through the living room and to the front door. "You're gonna be late if you don't leave in the next fifteen minutes."

I can't even yell at her about the monumental moment she just destroyed before she and Press are out the door. Fuck you and your kinky sex, Carli.

"So that sucked." Kelley says with a deflated tone.

"Yeah… although she was right, we do actually have to get ready." I say with an apologetic smile. She nods before hopping off the barstool and heading back to her room.

Ok Carli, you can fuck up that moment for the sake of soccer.

But Kelley and I are sure as hell returning to **that** conversation.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

“Left! Whit, left! Stay right, Jul-HUGH”

And that was the last thing I got out before a ball that I’m 90% sure was supposed to kill me was blasted directly into my gut.

Side note: Why am I always hit in the gut?

 It has also come to my attention that I’m on the ground and not breathing. In a matter of seconds, my entire defensive line plus Alex Morgan are huddled around me with varying looks of concern.

“And that Jules, is why we stay right.” Becky says as she pats Julie on the back.

I need oxygen.

“Do you think she’s ok? I kicked that really hard.” Alex says glancing down at me.

NO I AM NOT OK.

“Eh, do you remember that time she hit her head off the post? She was fine then.” Ali chips in.

I had a fucking concussion Ali, I was not ‘fine’.

“Yeah, but that’s not even as bad as the time Tanc went cleats up square into her lady parts.” Kling adds.

Yeah that was probably the worst. I honestly thought my ability to have kids was literally kicked out of me, thank God I was (mostly) fine. I doubt I could’ve gotten my insurance to pay for vaginal reconstruction anyway.

“You ok, Hope?” I hear Kelley ask as she wedges her way into the circle.

Finally, someone actually concerned about the fact that I still haven’t inhaled.

Ball still clutched to my gut, I try to answer her, but just end up coughing violently and rolling onto my side. Ashlyn is probably going to have to drag me off the field again.

Good job, Hope.

“See, I told you she’d be fine.” I hear Ali say.

“Fuck… you guys.” I say in between gasps.

“You would probably like that. Oh look, Jill’s signaling the end of practice.” Alex says as she turns and leads the rest of the team off the field.

“No no, I’m fine guys, just leave me out here! Thanks assholes!” I yell as I sit up.

“Hope, there’s no “asshole” in team.”

“Don’t defend them.”

“I’m not. They’re defenders, they don’t need any defending.”

“Kelley, I swear to God-“

“I’m kidding!” Kelley laughs. “But really, are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Like they all mentioned, I’ve survived worse.” I say with a sigh as Kelley helps me up.

Ugh, my spleen.

“Well, at least it wasn’t your face.” She says with a shrug.

“I would rather it not be any part of my body.” I say noticing that the team and trainers are heading into the locker room.

“Well yeah, but… I mean… I like your face the way it is.”

“Are you trying to flirt with me?”

“Yes.”

“I think it was better when you were pretend drunk.”

“Everything is better when I’m pretend drunk.” Kelley smirks.

…

“You probably shouldn’t go around saying that.”

“Yeah I immediately regret that statement.” She says running her hand over her face. “So… about that though...”

“About you being pretend drunk?” I ask as I unstrap my gloves.

“No, well, sort of. I meant about the conversation we had earlier.” She says timidly. I arch an eyebrow up at her. “You know, **that** conversation.”

Oh!

_Oh_.

“Right, yeah. Um, what about it?” I say taking my gloves off awkwardly.

I have no idea how this is going to go. You don’t think she like… likes me do you? What if she wants to go on a date…? Do I even still remember how to date? Do I even like her like that? I mean yeah, she’s cute. Really cute. Super cute. I haven’t really been in to women though. I don’t want her to get her hopes up about me, thinking I’m something I’m not. I am _not_ an easy person to be with and my failed marriage can attest to that.

And we don’t even know each other that well! It’s barely been a week, although I guess that’s the point of all this, we’re supposed to be getting to know each other. It doesn’t even really bother me that she’s homeless. Yeah, it will cause a ton of speculation, but I’d like to think that I know Kelley enough to know that she’s a genuine person.

But she doesn’t know enough about me.

She doesn’t know about the monster I am. The monster I try to hide, but everyone knows is lurking just under the surface. She doesn’t know about how I operate, why my relationships failed...

She doesn’t know why I am the way I am, why I do the things I do. She doesn’t know enough about me to get into this.

Not yet.

“So, can I kiss you?”

“Kelley, maybe you shou-FUCK what?” I cut myself off, staring at her wide eyed and mouth agape.

“Can I kiss you?” She asks again with a slight tilt of her head.

“I heard you… I meant… we… what is happening?” I blurt out.

I however did not expect that.

“You think too much, that’s what happening.” Kelley answers simply.

“I think plenty! We’re not even talking about-“

I would’ve loved to continue my rant, but I was cut short, by Kelley and her surprisingly strong grip on the collar of my shirt.

And then her lips are colliding with mine and holy shit this is happening.

This perfectness should not exist on the first try like this, she is not supposed to feel _this_ good.

She has perfectly captured my bottom lip and is lightly running her tongue over it. I will admit that I am absolutely melting into her and my dominate demeanor is absolute putty in her hands. I will also admit that I may or may not have just let out a slight whimper because her teeth just grazed my lip.

And then just like that, she pulls away.

Her hands are still tight on my collar and we just stare at each other. I wanna say I’m breathing heavy from taking that ball to the gut, but we both know I’d be lying.

That… was amazing.

“So that’s what that feels like.” Kelley says just as surprised as I feel. I probably look like a love struck kitten, but I am so far beyond caring right now.

So I dive back in.

I slip my hand to the back of her neck and bring her mouth back to mine. Her mouth instantly opens and our tongues are battling like our lives depend on it.

I honestly would’ve thrown my earlier argument out the winder and taken her right on this field if it hadn’t been for the throat clearing right behind me.

Kelley and I jump apart (she actually kind of bit my lip when we were startled) and I quickly whip around to possibly defend what they no doubt just saw, but the words die on my lips.

“Hope…” They address.

“Jeremy…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m sure plenty of you saw that coming, but it had to be done regardless. 
> 
> Anyway, hello. Sorry it’s been 9 years since my last update, life is doing its thing and I have no idea where I even stand anymore, if at all.
> 
> So, anywhere I’ve ever posted anything, I’m notorious for my chapter 10’s. This one fell short of my expectations, but eh, I’ll make it up in the next chapter. Hopefully.
> 
> I'm also thinking of releasing a few one shots.
> 
> Thank you for all of the encouraging words, they do make a difference. I encourage the continuation of prayers.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	11. Angry Lamb

“Hi…”

“Hi…”

What the actual fuck does anyone do in this type of situation?!

“What are… uh… what are you doing here?” I ask, realizing that I’m holding on to Kelley’s arms from when we parted. I quickly let go and fully face my… ex-husband.

“I heard you were in town for camp, I thought it would be weird to stop by the house so… I didn’t realize you were busy.” He says awkwardly.

Neither did I about ten seconds ago.

“No, here is fine.” I scramble to say. “This is just… unexpected.” I finish, chancing a glance at Kelley.

Boy, she does no look happy.

She kind of looks like a really angry lamb.

“I thought about calling, but I came up with too many reasons not to. Nut up or shut up right?” He says cracking one of his nervous smiles. One of those adorable nervous smiles he had our entire first date, the night he asked me to marry him, and every anniversary after that. Hell, I think he even had one when we were signing the divorce papers.

That actually gets a laugh out of me and I smile back at him.

God, he looks good. He looks like he’s genuinely been taking care of himself. It really makes me realize how fucked we were before the divorce. I mean, I’m practically looking at a different man. He’d probably say the same about me, we were a wreck together, but it looks like time and the right help really changed us for the better. We haven’t talked in so long, I was kind of worried that something had happened to him.

“You look good.” I say after a moment.

“Finally started getting my life together. Guess you’ve been staying outta trouble too.” He says with a less nervous smile.

And then our little bubble of… whatever the hell that was is violently popped when Kelley (who I totally didn’t forget is standing here) clears her throat loudly.

I actually kind of jumped.

“Oh, right. Uh, Kelley, this is Jeremy… my ex-husband.” I struggle to get out, glancing between them both. “And Jeremy this is-“

“Kelley,” Kelley says cutting me off and extending her hand to Jeremy. “Hope’s girlfriend.”

“Ke-hwaaaa-my what?” I stutter out. Jeremy’s eyes widen slightly and his nervous smile is back.

“You know, girl that’s a friend, live-in gal pal, your sis-tress.” She explains.

“Ok that last one isn’t even a real thing.” I grumble.

“Friends? I figured because you were kissing-“

“Yupp, just friends. Friend girls. Hopey here is just going through her experimental phase.” Kelley says, effectively cutting Jeremy off.

“Again? What about that French-” Jeremy asks turning his attention to me.

“Woah there was a French girl involved?” Kelley exclaims.

“No-yes, WE MADE OUT.” I exasperate. “You two are acting like I shaved my head and started flying a plaid flag.”

“We’ll that’s stereotypically offensive.”

“She lashes out when she’s angry.” Jeremy consoles Kelley.

“And when she’s wrong.”

“Or if she panics.”

Oh my fuck.

“If you two don’t stop getting along, I’m gonna murder the both of you.” I deadpan.

“She’s all three, what do we do?” Kelley asks.

“Nothing, we’re already dead.” He finishes.

“I swear to God, didn’t you come here for a reason?” I ask, changing the subject before I actually do kill someone.

“I was gonna see if you wanted to grab lunch before I head back east.” He says with a laugh.

“Oh, yeah I would love to, but I’m pretty slammed all week with practice and whatever other useless shit Jill has for us.” I say as he nods and Kelley… gets a murderous look in her eye.

“Alright, well how about dinner tonight then? I leave in two days and besides tonight, lunch is all I have open.” He says.

“Yeah, that’ll work. Just text me a time and place and I’ll be there.” I respond. Kelley’s got that angry lamb face going again.

“Alright cool, I guess I’ll see you tonight.” He says before leaning in for a hug, which I happily return. As tall as I am I’ve always had to get on my toes to hug him, he makes _me_ look miniscule.

“It was nice meeting you, Kelley.” He says as he pulls away from me.

“Likewise.” She answers as he turns to walk back to the parking lot.

“So…” I start. Seriously, what the hell are we supposed to say right now? My face was on Kelley’s face after what I think was weeks of flirting (?), only to have my ex-husband walk on to the field to ask me to dinner tonight.

This is totally karma for the shitty person I’ve been in the past isn’t it?

“So you’re gonna go to dinner with him tonight?” Kelley asks.

“Yeah. We’ve both been stupidly busy lately so I think it’ll be good to catch up face to face.” I say as Jeremy finally makes it out of sight.

“Right, well, I’m gonna go hang out with Tobin tonight, so have fun.” Kelley snaps before rushing off to the locker rooms.

Wait, what? What just happened?

What even….

I have a feeling I have a whole boatload of bad karma coming my way, this is just the start of it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sigh as I walk through my front door and take off my coat.

That was one hell of a dinner.

I’m not at all surprised at how much I missed him. He was the only person I could be completely myself around. Jeremy and I, our brains work on the same wavelength. We see almost everything the exact same way and think the same thoughts. We didn’t need to lie to each other in our marriage for that reason, we always knew what the other was doing. We had the same strengths and highlights.

But we also had the same weaknesses and lows.

There was never an accountable one in the relationship, never a voice of reason. We were virtually the same person, so we were never wrong, but we were never right either.

To this day he’s really the only one that knows the darkest parts of me, especially seeing as they reside in him as well. It gave us a strong sense of security in each other though. We both thought the same thoughts, felt the same emotions, and made the same bad decisions.

There was never any judgement because we are the same.

And I missed that. I missed that security of not having to put on a face and fight my natural disposition. He would see right through it anyway. I could just sit and not lie for a while and it was great.

Let me give you a small snippet of our night:

.

_“So, you and Kelley…” Jeremy starts with an amused smile._

_“Have no idea what we’re doing.” I finish for him._

_“You don’t like her?” He asks._

_“It’s not that I don’t, but it’s not that I do either. I haven’t really had a chance to even think about it yet. She just kind of… kissed me.” I answer with a shrug._

_“Well she seems to like you, even though she tried to deflect it.”_

_“I guess so, but I have no idea how I feel about it, about her. I mean, she is so easy to fall in love with, but that part is practically uncharted territory for me. That and…” I trail off._

_“You’re you.” He finishes for me._

_“Exactly.”_

_“She doesn’t know what she’s getting in to, I get that, but the only way to know if she wants that is to show her.” He shrugs._

_“I know that, but Jeremy, she is the best thing to happen to me since the divorce. It was like life was finally throwing me a bone after all this shit I’ve put myself though. Like the universe was recognizing that I’m really trying to change. After all the lies and cover-ups and… whatever the hell else happened, I’m finally getting a reward for my efforts.” I vent._

_“And now you’re wondering if she’s a reward or another reprimand.” He adds._

_“Exactly. Is she my motivation or my punishment? If she gets to those parts of me, she’ll either stay and want me or run away screaming “monster” at the top of her lungs.” I sigh. I don’t think I could handle the latter option, not again, not when I’m finally starting to get better._

_“We are what we are, Hope. When threatened, we’re gonna fall back into our natural defenses. We may be monsters, but some people will identify with it. The only way to find out what Kelley will do is if she sees that monster.” He says._

_And dammit I know that. I needed to officially hear it said, but I already knew that._

_“I know.” I voice my thoughts. “I know.”_

_Ultimately, Jeremy and I being the same (monsters, if you will) is what killed us in the end, but I will forever be thankful for knowing that kind of relief. He is something I will never regret, regardless of what we put each other through._

.

“How was your date?”

“FU-uuuck.” I start with a yelp but silence it quickly (I don’t want the nearest blunt object thrown at my head by Carli). “You’re an asshole and it wasn’t a date.”

“It’s not my fault you startle easily and do you have any idea what time it is?” Kelley questions. As I pass by the kitchen on the way to the living room I glance at the stove clock.

 Huh, 11pm. I was out much later than I thought.

“It’s not like I have school in the morning, Kelley.” I say as I sit down on the couch next to her. She’s so adorable, all curled up in a blanket.

“What did you guys do?” She asks, dropping her gaze to the floor.

“Nothing, hung out, talked. It was good, I needed it.” I say with a shrug. Kelley’s eyebrows furrow and she tenses a bit. What is going on with her?

“So… are you guys like, a thing again?” She mumbles.

“What?” I ask monotone.

“Are you guys a th-“

“No, I heard you.” I cut her off. “I meant… you realize he’s my _ex_ -husband right? Like, you got that part, right?”

Kelley whips her head around to stare at me like _I’m_ the idiot here.

“And Carli’s your roommate… why are we stating the obvious?” Asshole.

“We’re stating the obvious _because_ it’s the obvious. Why the hell would my _ex_ -husband and I be a thing?” I ask slowly.

“Don’t look at me like that, you’re the one who came home glowing after a date with their ex.” She quips, tearing her eyes away from me and back to the floor.

“It wasn’t a date!” I exasperate.

Oh.

_Oh._

Fuck, maybe I _am_ the idiot here.

 “Ok, I get it now.” I say running a hand over my face. “Kelley, Jeremy and I are _not_ getting back together. Ever.”

“Get what? You literally acted like a nervous school girl around him.” She pouts.

“I don’t really know what that means, but I _act_ like he’s my best friend.” I say, causing her to whip back around to me, eyes scanning mine. “Jeremy and I are literally the same person. He was my best friend before he was my husband and that aspect of our relationship never really left. I may love him, but not romantically, I don’t have a death wish.” I finish with a laugh.

At that her expression changes to that of skepticism.

And then she punches me in the shoulder with the power of someone at least twice her size.

“You asshole!” She shouts as I clutch my right shoulder making what can only be described as a sound that a dying seal would make.

“Fuck, I didn’t even do anything.” I say with a glare.

“You let me think that you are your ex were getting back together!”

“I don’t even know how the hell you thought that! I was literally kissing you two seconds before he popped up. How did you go from that to positive that I was getting back together with him?!”

“I don’t know! I’m female, I fit in with the stereotype of reading into shit like this!”

“OH MY GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP!”  We hear a livid Carli as she practically kicks her own door open. Kelley and I grimace and slowly turn our attention to the top of the stairs where Carli stands, jaw clenched so tight she may actually break a tooth. “Kelley, Hope and Jeremy are NOT getting back together, Hope, you are an oblivious asshole. Now that that’s settled, will you two idiots kiss and makeup or fuck or whatever you have to do and shut the hell up?!”

I can literally see Satan in her eyes.

“Sorry… we’ll be quiet.” Kelley says cowering a little.

Carli looks back and forth between the both of a few times before slowly turning back to her room. We hear a, “That was kinda hot”, before her door shuts, then we let out a breath I don’t think either one of us knew we were holding.

We almost lost our lives today.

“Oh my God, I almost threw up.” Kelley says holding her stomach.

Me too Kelley, me too.

Well actually I would’ve probably experienced all the bodily functions before passing out, but she doesn’t need to know that.

“So, as Carli so delicately put it, Jeremy and I aren’t getting back together. Ever. We’re best friends Kell, that’s all.” I say.

“Oh…” She says as the most intense blush I have ever seen crawls its way onto her cheeks.

“So are you done being mad at me for no actual reason?” I ask with a smirk.

“I had a reason!” She interjects.

“Shhhhh!” I shush her before taking a nervous glance at Carli’s door. “And what reason was that?”

“As Carli so delicately put it, you’re an oblivious asshole. I thought I kinda made things obvious before…” She trails off.

“Made what obvious?” I tease.

“Hope, I fucking swear to Miley-“

“Miley?”

“Cyrus. If you are actually _that_ dense to not know what I was making so obvious-“

“That you like me, I know. I was just messing with you.” I cut her off. Oh, angry lamb is back.

“Oh my Jonas, are you serious?” She snaps.

“Yes, and please stop with the celebrity curse words, our age gap is showing.” I grimace and she rolls her eyes. “That’s actually some of what Jeremy and I talked about though, all these… _feelings_ and whatnot.”

“And what was your conclusion?” She asks, perking up a little.

“The conclusion was that I don’t know how I feel yet. I have a lot going on right now and there are things we need to talk about on top of all of it.” I answer.

“Things?”

“Things.” I nod. “There are a lot of things you don’t know or haven’t had to deal with yet from these past few weeks. As hectic as all this has been, this is actually the easier part of the year for me. Actually, it’s almost been the easiest time of my career. It’s also probably been the best time for me personally too, what with being in the right mental state and temperament. You’ve caught me at my best. We have the Canada game this weekend, so I’m hoping after the train wreck that will be that game, maybe then we could talk about it?”

“Ok. I definitely think there are things we need to talk about too, on both ends. I think after the Canada game is probably best, the gals seemed a little… tense at dinner tonight. Do you really think it’ll be that bad?” She asks.

“Worse, Kelley, definitely worse, but after a long shower and the staff tape me back together, I’m all yours. Sound good?” I say and she grins.

“Yeah… I like the sound of that.” She says, causing a grin of my own to form.

You know what Kelley?

I kind of like the sound of that too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful People.
> 
> I am so sorry it took me nineteen years to update, life is… doing things. Good or bad? Don’t know yet. But alas, after sitting on this chapter that was ½ written for so long, I finally finished it. Hope it did something for your expectations. I already have part of the next one written as well, so there’s that.
> 
> We’re also picking up a bit of speed here. For those of you wondering, yes I’m upset about Hope’s suspension, and no, I’m not going to stop writing this because of that. My thoughts about it will more than likely bleed into my writing (it already has).
> 
> Alright, that’s all I’ve got for now. I would say I’ll try to update soon, but we all know that that is unpredictable.
> 
> (But I really will try.) 
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	12. The Half is Starting Soon

People are going to die today.

Or well, at least get close.

Kelley was attached to me all morning claiming, “This might be the last time I ever see you.” She may not be wrong. The second we stepped on the field to warm up, tension had filled the stadium. The kind of tension that has you walking on eggshells, yet ready to tear someone’s face off at the slightest misstep.

Kick-off is seconds away and I’m 127% sure that the safest place to be is at least three cities over. It’s supposed to be a friendly match. **FRIENDLY**. Apparently even the announcers are nervous and the refs; they’re trembling. Even Kelley (whom Dawn has grown exceptionally fond of) looks nervous from her spot on the bench.

Yes, Kelley is on the bench. She claimed that she is just as important to our training as the actual staff (Dawn agreed). So they gave her a training staff jacket, handed her a rack of water bottles, and told her not to break anything.

Alex also may have referred to her as the team’s favorite training dummy.

I think it made Jill laugh, so she approved it.

That brings us to now, Alex just passed the ball to Christen and now she’s dribbling-FUCK Sinc just stole it and she is tearing past our entire team.

What the fuck is our defense even doing? Wait, is Julie playing midfield…?

“HUGHH” is violently forced from my body as a wicked hard shot leaves Sinc’s foot from just outside the 18. I mean, I stopped it (albeit with my solar-plexus), but I think I can taste my lungs.

This is not going to end well.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So, some stuff happened.

It’s currently half time and we’re down 2 – 1. I don’t really wanna talk about it because I’m already fuming, but we are playing like absolute shit. It’s like no one knows what the hell they’re even doing out there.

So there’s that, but also… Christen.

Just before the halftime whistle, a Canadian player who may or may not be Tanc, gave a cleats up tackle right into her favorite midfielder.

If you haven’t guessed that it’s Carli, than I don’t even know why you’re here.

Even I was tempted to leave the box and hurl a few “recommendations” to the center official. Long story short, Carli went down right in front of Christen, Carli was bleeding from her calf, and Carli didn’t get back up. Christen was not happy, Christen was angry, and the second Tanc popped back up off the turf Christen shoved her so hard it made _me_ flinch.

That, is **very** not Christen Press.

Christen Press does not get angry on the field, Christen Press does not avenge teammates, Christen Press does not make sloppy mistakes, Christen Press does not get yellow cards, and Christen Press most certainly does _not_ get violent.

So after the entire team, crowd, and probably Barrack Obama lifted their jaws from the ground, the yellows were given to Press and Tanc and the whistle blew.

No one walked within two yards of Christen on the way to the locker room and Carli limped in with a disappointed look on her face.

That brings us to now.

Jill just “gently” ripped Christen a new one for her unprofessionalism. Jill put Christen in because she trusted she would play well and do what she’s supposed to do and set a golden example and blah blah blah.

Christen looks defeated.

Julie looks almost offended.

Becky is barely keeping her mouth shut.

They know Christen, hell, we _all_ know Christen. She doesn’t do shit like this for no reason. She’s not acting out, something’s wrong and for some stupid reason, we’re the only ones that can see that.

Apparently she is “letting the team down”.

Bullshit. She did what anyone else would’ve done in that situation, probably even better to be honest. If it was me, I would’ve gotten arrested again, Becky would’ve ripped the fabric of time, Kling would’ve broken someone’s neck; we all would’ve done **much** worse.

Christen is a blessing compared to the rest of us.

The staff and the majority of players start to funnel back out to the field, some stopping to console Christen (Kelley hugged her). I notice that Carli sits back with her wrapped calf, because apparently not even that is gonna stop her from playing Canada, and the rest of us take that as our cue to leave. She probably needs to go all “captain mode” because Becky is too angry at the staff to do so.

I almost step completely outside the locker room when I remember that I wanted to change gloves. One had effectively been torn open and the other is begging me to put it out of its misery. Poor things, they never deserved Canada.

I quickly turn on my heel to head back to my locker when I hear Carli start talking to Press.

I mean, I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but Press was literally sitting in front of my locker that I need to get to. Fuck.

“What happened out there?” Carli asks softly. Well that’s not the tone I was expecting. She was in captain mode 10 seconds ago when we all walked out.

“Carli, that tackle was bullshit, it was intentional. You’re _lucky_ you got away with a nasty scratch.” Press argues clearly distraught.

“Christen, you don’t do that. You don’t have a temper on the field, you don’t get in shoving matches, and you don’t get carded over stupid things.” Carli says. “You didn’t do it because it was a dirty tackle, you did it because it was _me_. We’ve talked about this. The second we start letting anything in our personal lives affect us on the field-“

“It’s far too late for that, Carli. Have you seen the way we play together? It’s the way Alex and Tobin used to be. An unstoppable partnership and bleeds into every pass.” Press tries.

“Great! So we have chemistry, what just happened out there was not chemistry, it was collateral. It was collateral damage from this shit we’ve been doing.” She says gesturing between herself and Christen.

“Collateral?” Christen scoffs. “Carli, collateral damage is someone shooting you in the fucking eye with an arrow when there was an apple sitting on top of your head. This is not collateral.”

“Then what, Christen? How the hell are you gonna explain this to the team, to Jill?” Carli exasperates.

“I’m not. I don’t owe anyone an explanation except for you. You want the truth? Fine.” Christen’s voice starting wavering about half way through that statement. “What happened out there was a result of me being pathetic. Me failing at something so simple that I thought I had control of.”

“Ok then, what has you feeling like that? Let’s talk it out and fix-

“I’m in love with you.”

It echoes off the locker room walls. Carli is effectively cut off and my jaw has completely dropped.

“There is no “fixing” that. It was fun and freeing and then somewhere something went wrong.” Christen is openly crying now. “My only argument is that I’m not Bryan. That’s it, that’s all I have. I mean, you suck at friends with benefits anyway. You like the pillow talk, you like to cuddle, you always ask if I’m ok, you let me hold you, you cry in front of me, you…you made me fall before I had the chance to stop it... before I even had the slightest idea that that was what was happening. I love every broken, brittle, and hidden part of you.” She finishes.

Silence. She’s met with nothing but utter silence. I know Carli, I know she feels completely blindsided, I know she wants to ignore this and run away, but-

“Well?” Christen cuts off my thoughts. “Say something, anything. Tell me that you want to end this, tell me that you don’t feel the same, just… say _something_ , Carli.” She practically begs.

After a few more beats of silence, I hear Carli take a deep shuddering breath.

“We should get back out there, the half is starting soon.” Carli says before I hear her footsteps come closer to me.

When she turns the corner, she hesitates for a second at seeing me standing here. Her eyes barely meet mine before her gaze drops to the floor. She swallows hard before moving past me and out of the locker room. I stand there for a few moments trying to process what just happened to the sounds of Christen’s sniffling also getting closer. When she rounds the corner and sees me, sees the sympathetic (almost apologetic) look on my face, she gives a slight nod of acknowledgement and makes her way out of the locker room as well.

Oh Press…

All this time I’ve been warning her to be gentle with Carli, be careful with Carli. I never even thought that it might backfire on her. I was so worried about Carli getting hurt that I didn’t even bother to worry about her. Carli is a mess that Christen didn’t deserve to be pulled in to. Carli treated her like a lover, not like a fuckbuddy.

Christen looked so broken, so defeated. Like she didn’t even bother fighting because she knew she had already lost. She put her trust in Carli, her captain, and Carli failed her. I mean, in Carli’s defense, she made it clear that there were no strings attached, no matter what, but I can’t help but hurt for the girl. By that simple rule, Carli isn’t at fault here. She made her intentions clear, Christen is the one that broke that, but Carli handled that beyond poorly.

Carli looked as distraught as I would’ve expected, but not in the _way_ I expected. She looked lost and broken. I figured she would be angry, confused, and maybe a little sad, but not this. It was almost like she had been spooked. I’ve only ever seen her like that one other time;

When she found out what Bryan was doing.

We can’t go back to that, we cannot go backwards.

I won’t let her.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two minutes of extra time left and we’re tied 2 – 2.

“Tense” doesn’t even begin to describe the mood in the stadium.

I’m bruised and battered, Moe got sent off because her nose “spontaneously” started bleeding horrendously, Diana Matheson sprained her ankle, Kelley hasn’t stopped screaming from the bench, Alex is exhausted, Jill is writing in her diary, Sinc is limping, Dawn keeps threatening Kelley to shut her up, I don’t even know what position Tobin is playing (plot twist; I don’t think _she_ even knows), and Carli and Christen can’t connect passes to save their lives.

It is a fucking disaster.

I don’t even think Kling knows where she is and Ali Krieger has managed to make a black eye look Vogue.

One minute left.

Christen gets the ball at midfield and glances up to see Carli headed into the box. She brings her foot back to strike what I know is **finally** gonna be the perfect ball into the box when a sudden flash of red knocks her off balance.

No, not just knocks, full on jumps into her and racks her knee right into Christen’s ribs. She didn’t even try to touch the ball. Christen hits the ground, hard, and doesn’t move an inch. I’m screaming at the top of my lungs and sprinting down the field before the ref can even blow the whistle. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Dawn physically restraining Kelley from tearing down the field and kicking someone’s ass.

As I get to Christen a majority of our team mates are already huddled around her. I think I actually shoved Horan out of the way so I could kneel down next to her.

And it is not good.

She’s trembling, clutching her stomach, breathing labored, and tears are pouring down her face. Ali is holding the hand not on her ribs and even Sinc is down here with wide eyes trying to see if she’s ok. We briefly make eye contact, with similar expressions I’m guessing, before she jumps up and starts yelling for help and an ambulance.

My attention is pulled away from Sinc and to Carli, who just muscled her way through everyone to find Christen. Her mouth slightly agape, breathing hard, but no other signs of emotion on her face. She’s quickly distracted by the ever growing shoving that seems to be going on between our two teams.

I look back down to Christen and realize that I’ve been rubbing her back this whole time. I guess the mom in me comes out naturally in situations like this. Ali is practically laying on the ground with her, whispering what I can only assume are comforting words. I don’t think I’ve ever seen everyone so distraught.

My eyes leave Christen again to find a lot of our teams trying to stop the shoving matches going on.

And that’s when I see it.

That flash of red I saw earlier, I was too focused on Christen to confront her aggressor, but there she is, in the mix of players staring down at Christen. My jaw clenches in that famous Hope Solo way and I fix a hard glare on her.

And then… she smirks.

This naive new player they yanked out of amateur league play just used Christen as a stepping stone to “better” herself with her national team. I understand more than anyone how important it is to truly be a part of a team in every aspect, but there are some lines you just don’t cross.

Cleats up tackle? Fine. Elbow in the back? Sure. Sucker punch to the face? Okay. Getting back at a player who messed with one of your own? I get that.

But _this_ , this was not deserved or payback.

This was a brat thinking she is God’s undiscovered gift to her team. She thinks she did her team a favor by deliberately seriously injuring another player.

You wanna know what Tanc did when we came back out for the second half? She checked on Carli. She at least had some sort of decency and conscience to know that she fucked up. Sure, she didn’t apologize, but she respected the game of soccer and did the proper thing to do in the name of sportsmanship.

She at least respected the ethic of her team.

This chick though, I’m gonna beat her face in. I’ll probably get suspended, but hell, that’s nothing new to me. I will be worth every minute that I can’t play.

As the medical staff finally gets to us, pushing quite a few people out of the way, I see the official take out a red Card for the Canadian player. No, that is _not_ enough.

I’m about to stand and tell the ref just where he can stick that card when I see another flash of color.

But this one is white.

In the time it took me to stand up, the Canadian player is laid out on the turf and Carli is standing over her, clenching and unclenching her right fist.

The sucker punch.

All at once the crowd goes absolutely nuts and our entire team (including everyone on the bench… and Kelley) quickly form a protective wall around Carli to keep any more fights at bay. The official is practically choking on his whistle as he whips the red card around to Carli.

Suddenly, both team’s staffs are on the field and tearing players off the field and back to the locker rooms. I barely catch a glance at Carli, but that millisecond was enough.

She, is livid.

Her jaw clench could almost rival mine and the fire in her eyes is practically blazing through the stadium.

We’re all eventually pulled back to our respective locker room doors and there are reporters _everywhere_. Carli just barrels right through them of course, most of the team going right after her when I get a mic shoved in my face.

“Hope, what do you think about Canada’s dirty style of play?” A random reporter rushes out.

“What do I think? I think that they can’t call themselves true soccer players when they pull stunts like that. True soccer players respect the game, they play the game, and they win based on skill. They didn’t play like soccer players today, they played like cowards and passed it off as brute strength.” I seethe before shoving the mic away from me and stalking my way into the locker room.

That girl is lucky Carli got there first.

I wouldn’t have been so gentle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoop , there it is.
> 
> Hello Beautiful People. 
> 
> Look an update in a reasonable amount of time. This was actually mostly written directly after I posted the last one, so I got a good head start.
> 
> Things are definitely starting to heat up now and it’s only gonna heat up more from here. Everyone’s emotional or injured or both. Not too much really happened in the O’Solo realm, but this was a HUGE stepping stone for the story. I’m also notorious for my chapter 12’s. My 10’s and 12’s always seem to be significant. 
> 
> On the bright side, I think I’m also finally finding a direction for this fic. I literally started writing this spontaneously one night after meeting Jay and it’s just been touch and go ever since. This is the first fic I’ve ever written that I didn’t already know the ending to when I started it. I ALWAYS know the final line before I even write the first word, so this was quite the challenge when I started it. But yay, direction.
> 
> By the way, no, I don’t hate the CANWNT, we just seem to have the biggest rivalry with them.
> 
> And I wasn’t too far off.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	13. Becky is High and I Think I'm Attractive

“Would you sit down please?”

“What if she’s dead?”

“I highly doubt she’s dead, it was a hit to the ribs-“

“What if a broken rib JFK’d its way into her heart?”( **A/N If you don’t know what the “magic bullet” in JFK is, look it up.)**

“I highly doubt-“

"Hope, you didn't see her on the ground all crying-"

"Kelley, I was literally kneeling over her."

"-tears in her precious little eyes, trembling-"

"I was actually rubbing her back the whole time."

"-little ball of sunshine stomped into the ground by-"

"Kelley, I swear to God…" I mumble as she continues to rant.

 We've barely been here an hour and Kelley hasn't stopped pacing in the waiting room. Most of us are simply sitting here, well, besides Tobin who managed somehow smuggle in a soccer ball and is currently juggling. Between the constant worry of Tobin breaking something and the consistent rambling from Kelley, I'm not sure who the team is gonna want to strangle first.

They haven't told us anything about Christen yet. All we know is that she was admitted and they took her for x-rays. The entire team came straight from the field and we haven't moved since. Granted, we had to talk the staff into driving the bus to the hospital, but we got here none the less.

And by talk, I mean I've never seen J.J. yell at someone ever and I've also seen the wrath of Becky twice today. She literally just stood behind Julie and glared at the bus driver and he was already en route before the staff actually said yes. I didn't even get the chance to scare anyone.

Carli… well, Carli has been quiet. Her jaw has been locked and she's been burning holes into whatever she looks at. A doctor looked at her hand to make sure nothing was broken and ended up telling her that it was just bruised. I almost scoffed at that, Carli knows how to punch someone without breaking her hand. She probably knows how to completely decimate someone without actually touching them. Anyway, she's been sitting quietly in a corner of the waiting room and no one is brave enough to approach her. Personally, I don't blame them.

"Tobin, would you knock that off? You two are going to break something." Becky finally snaps.

Two? Oh, looks like Mal has joined her in this terrible idea.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing." Tobin parries.

"Yeah, Christen wouldn't want that." Mal adds continuing her back and forth with Tobin.

"She's not dead Mal, just injured." I smirk and she smiles at me shyly. "Although they have a point Becky, we're all slowly going insane in here without anything to do. Kelley has already gone insane and I'm pretty sure Jill has rewritten our formation six times."

Becky eyes me for a second before taking a look around the room. She deflates a little at seeing how drained everyone is. We're all so exhausted and most of us here are pretty close with Christen, she's one of those people that everyone loves. We're all feeling it differently and we should probably let everyone deal with it how they need to. For Tobin that just happens to be an activity that keeps getting dangerously close to a lamp.

"I know, you're right." Becky sighs. "I'm pretty sure the last formation had Kling at center mid, Ashlyn playing forward, and got rid of the keeper altogether."

"Yeah, but I can't tell if that was actually brought on by Christen getting injured…" I mumble and Becky holds back a laugh.

"Jill just asked if I had any experience playing at right back." Ali says sitting down next to me.

"Wait…" I start.

"Yeah, it's that bad. I think she feels bad about what happened with Christen before the second half." Ali sniffles.

"Wow. How are you holding up?" I ask. I know Press and Ali are close. Playing overseas together brought them closer than almost anyone else on the team.

"I'm fine because I know that she'll be fine. She can come back from this." She answers.

"She'd better, she has an entire team waiting to kick her ass back into shape." I say, getting a smile out of Becky and Ali.

"Press family?" We all hear a pale lanky doctor say as he enters the waiting room. We're all immediately standing and crowding around him with baited breath. Wow, he looks terrified of every single one of us.

"I'm Dawn Scott, you should be able to legally release her status to me." Dawn says pushing her way to the front.

"Ah, yes… do you want to go somewhere more private?" He asks, cowering when a few players scoff at his comment.

"Here is fine, they can hear it." She says and he nods with a nervous smile.

"Well, I'm Doctor Parrot-" I cut him off with a more than inappropriate laugh and hear Morgan and Alex snickering as well. Seriously? Doctor Parrot? Oh God, Dawn's glaring at me.

"I'm sorry, continue." I say after clearing my throat.

"Anyway… Ms. Press is doing fine. She has no internal damage, but she fractured three ribs. They're small fractures, but she'll feel them for a few weeks. I'm going to recommend that she doesn't play for at least two weeks and gets plenty of rest." He finishes.

"Oh thank God." Someone says as we all collectively let out the breath we were holding.

"I’m going to recommend-"

"Other doctor words," Mal interrupts him. "Where is she?" Wow, she's so small and adorable I didn't even see here get to the front of us.

"Uh, she's in a room-"

"Which one?" I interject.

"304, but you can only send in-"

There's a loud crash behind us before Tobin pops up and confronts the doctor as well.

"That lamp was like that when I got here, is she awake?" She asks.

"Tobin, why wouldn't she be? It's not like they put her out for an x-ray." I say as she waves me off.

"She's awake, but she's on pain med-"

"So she's high, someone get their phone, let's go!" Lindsey says as we all move as a herd to the elevators.

"Ma'am, you can't all go in there." I hear Dr. Parakeet say to Dawn.

"Can and will, unless you wanna go tell all those giant professional athletes that they can't." Dawn says. Dr. Pigeon looks from Dawn to all of us a few times before shaking his head and walking over to the admittance desk. He is totally gonna call security on us.

On the bright side, we managed to cram all of us into only two elevators uncomfortably.

The second the doors open Crystal and Kling are out the door and "racing" to Christen's room. I say "racing" because Crystal is literally the equivalent to a speeding bullet and Kling looks like a bag of sand next to her. Then there's Tobin, Mal, and Alex next to Becky and I who have some sort of odd game of pinching each other going on. Tobin keeps bumping into Becky and there's this vein in her forehead that is becoming more and more visible.

"Children, we work with children. Racing and roughhousing in a damn hospital." She seethes.

"Found it!" We hear Kling shout ahead of us.

And suddenly, Tobin is violently shoved into a wall and Becky is already opening Press's door in the time it took me to blink.

This woman is an enigma.

I ignore the scene of Tobin rubbing her forehead while Mal laughs and Alex fusses over her and make my way back next to Becky at the door.

"You know you could've given her a heads up before making her eat sterilized drywall." I say as Becky smirks.

Cheeky devil.

"Ok everyone, we need to be sensitive." Becky says getting everyone's attention. "She's in pain and she's probably upset. So no pinching, teasing, juggling, hugging, and only minimal recording." She finishes in Captain Mode. There's a chorus of "okay's" and "fine's" and she takes that as the cue to open the door.

We all slowly shuffle in behind Becky, but she and I get the first look.

Annnnnnd I'm dying on the inside.

This tiny, little, precious, cinnamon roll in an oversized gown and a giant hospital bed is hooked up to an IV and a heartbeat monitor. She looks so small and fragile and the lazy smile she gets when she sees Becky and I makes me want to find that Canadian prick and end her.

Her smile gets a little wider as the entire team filters in and Crystal gently asks how she's doing.

"Girl, you ate it out there."

See how gentle Crystal was? Fuck this team's inability to be mature adults.

"I did." Christen slurs slightly. "But I'm ok now."

"Oh my God this is so cute." Lindsey says capturing this precious moment on her phone.

"How are you feeling? Are you in pain?" Pinoe asks. Finally, someone actually acting like we're adults. "Because if you are we can ask for more pain meds and get you trippin out!"

Oh my fuck.

"Guys, can we pretend to be concerned for like two minutes please?" I ask shooting everyone a glare.

"Well I care, I thought she was dead." Kelley pipes up.

"Which was ridiculous." Julie adds. Oh thank God, she finally spoke. She's been looking like she was about to cry or explode until now. She's probably stupidly relieved at seeing that Christen's alright.

"I cared too." Mal says. "I've never seen you in pain before."

"Aww, it wasn't that bad Malamute, you had nothing to worry about." Christen says with another smile.

"What did she just call me?"

"It's a dog breed."

"Leave it to Press to cave in the front of her body and still be thinking about dogs."

"Please don't start calling me Malamute."

"Too late, it's on video."

"No!"

"I brought you the game ball." Tobin says effectively cutting of the teams agonizing banter… although I have to admit, "Malamute" is hilarious.

"Aww Toby, you didn't have to do that." Christen coos.

"I know, but I thought it would maybe make you feel better… that and I may have damaged property with it and need to hide the evidence." Tobin finishes quickly.

"Alright, everyone out." I snap pointing to the door. I get quite a few looks from the team for ending their fun, but holy shit, Christen is literally in a hospital bed with an injury and no one has even tried to comfort her.

When the numbers dwindle down to Becky, Kelley, and I, I notice that Carli has also remained in the room.

"Dawn will be here in a minute, she's getting a copy of Christens report." Carli says quietly. Becky nods then turns her attention back to Press.

"Now that the children have gone out to play, how are you doing?" She asks.

"I'm ok. They said it could've been a lot worse at the angle I was hit. It hurt a lot at first, but now I don't even feel it." She sighs.

"That would be the pain meds." I say.

"And I'm also suddenly very violently attracted to all of you." She says with another lazy smile.

"That would also be the pain meds." I repeat, rubbing my forehead.

"Well we all know she's already attracted to me." Kelley says with a smirk.

"There's at least one person here that didn't know that Kelley, but thank you for sharing." I say through my teeth. "Anyway, is there anything we can do?"

"Staple my ribs back together." She says completely serious.

"That's not quite how it works, Press." I say with a laugh.

"Oh… then maybe a decent bed… and a cupcake." She slurs with an even bigger smile.

"My god she is so high…" I mumble and Becky laughs.

"And maybe that one magazine you hide in your underwear drawer, Hope-"

"HIGH AND-incredibly delirious, look at her, she has no idea what she's saying." I violently cut Christen off. I quickly shoot a glare towards Carli, because that's the only way Press would know anything about that and Carli simply shrugs while fighting off a smirk.

"There are so many things I'm going to pretend I didn't hear today." Becky grumbles. Thank God.

"Magazine?" Kelley asks. "I didn't see one when I looked. I thought it would be something way worse like a d-"

"You went through my underwear drawer?!" I screech at Kelley.

"In my defense, you left it open and it's not like I touched anything, just a quick glance." She waves me off.

"Oh my God, ok we're leaving." Becky says pushing me towards the door with Kelley. "We'll let Dawn and Jill talk to in peace."

"I'm actually gonna stay for a minute." Carli says as we get to her. At this point Becky is so done with this team that she just nods at Carli, not willing to even bother asking why.

"Guard the door, Lieutenant Hope!" Press shouts just as we step out.

"She is never allowed to get hurt ever again." I say and Kelley nods.

"I've never seen everyone so distraught… and idiotic." Kelley says as she turns towards the 3rd floor waiting room.

So, we can barely see into a corner of the waiting room from where we're standing, but it's enough to see Sonnet and Tobin trying to lift Sam Mewis for whatever reason.

"I'm going to murder every single one of them." Becky says pinching the bridge of her nose. "Hope, you stay and guard the door, Kelley help me try to civilize them."

"I don't think Christen was serious." I say as they stalk off.

"She's not, but I am." Becky replies as Kelley beams at her. Literally every time Kelley is given an "official" job from someone on the team she acts like she was born for it. It's actually kinda cute.

Ugh.

I lean back against the door and breathe out a healthy sigh.

"You're dumb." I hear Christen say from the room behind me. Oh good, I get a front row seat to whatever other insensitivity Carli can lay on Press today.

"You're literally so high you just told Becky you were attracted to her."

" _You_ just told Becky that you were attracted to her."

"Yeah, you're high."

" _You're_ high."

"Christen…"

"Carlos…"

"Oh my god…" I hear Carli exasperate. Ok, but this is entertaining.

"Shhhhh Carli…" Press slurs with a laugh.

"What?" She asks flatly.

"I love you."

Whoop there it is…

_Fuck_ she is bold.

"I know." Carli sighs.

"Do you? Because earlier it didn't seem like you did."

"I did then and I do now." She replies.

"But it's been like… a whole three hours. How can we be sure?"

"Because," Carli says with a clear smile in her voice. "I have a good memory." Christen makes some sort of astonished exhale and even I smile at that. Almost as cute as Kelley. Almost. I hear a bit of shuffling where I assume Carli sits on the edge of the bed next to Christen.

"But how do you know that you know?" Christen then asks with an extreme amount of skepticism.

"I know because I love you too."

"What the fuck?" I blurt out loud.

NOT THE RESPONSE I WAS EXPECTING.

What happened to the robotic, mysterious, hard to get, terrifying, ball of steel Carli from earlier?! The Carli that ignores her feelings and would rather die than admit that she misses her ex. The Carli that I've grown to love because someone other than me finally became an emotional train wreck. The Carli that understood me on a level than I don't think anyone else is even capable of.

 Wow, that was oddly deep and informative about my situation.

I mean I'm stupidly happy for Carli, but… now this means that's I'm alone.

Again.

"Are you just saying that because Becky is high and I think I'm attractive?" Christen asks.

What?

I hear Carli let out a loud laugh at that.

"No, I'm not saying that because you're high and think that Becky's attractive. I'm saying it because it's the truth. Granted, it took me punching another player in the face, but it made me realize that we were in the same boat." Carli explains.

"This boat sucks." Christen pouts and Carli laughs again. "But how did you get in it?"

"You pointed it out in the locker room. After you fouled that girl in a very un-Christen like manor, you mentioned that I was terrible at friends with benefits and you were right. I called it collateral and you called me out. Love is one hell of a driving force, it made you shove that girl, it made me punch the other." Carli takes a deep breath before continuing. "And the only argument you could give me, is the only argument I need, you're not Bryan. However, I'm still Carli and I am going to still be every bit as frustrating to deal with regardless of how we feel about each other." I can hear Carli smiling again.

"That's ok. You're gonna have to be around a just as irritating Christen Press when I make you buy at least 50 dogs." Press says and I smile again.

"We are definitely talking about that more at another time, but I meant that it's not gonna be easy. Soccer comes first, no matter what and that is just the first of many." Carli says.

"Ok, I _may_ let you talk me down to 30 dogs. The rest can wait, now will you cuddle me?" Christen asks and Carli laughs for the millionth time. Let's be real, we're _all_ weak to Christen Press.

"Seriously Christen, we have a lot to talk about. If this is gonna work, then it has to be more than-"

"Mind blowing sex?"

"I was gonna say dogs… but yeah, that too I guess."

"Ok. Don't tell yourself, but we have great sex."

Oh my fuck, I do not need to hear this.

"We do."

"God we would get pregnant so hard."

"Uh… what?" I agree Carli, what?

"That's how good at it we are at sex. We could make babies without a pe-"

"Ok, why don't we just chill with the sex part. We'll cover all of this when you're… sober." Carli says awkwardly. Really Carli? You couldn't have said that the second she started with sex?

"Ok. So now will you cuddle me?" Christen tries again.

"Jill and Dawn still have to come in and talk with you."

"So is that a yes?"

"It's a, "maybe when we aren't in danger of the staff seeing us". We can get you back to Hope's place and-are you asleep?" Carli cuts herself off. "Press...? Christen...? Oh my God, you're asleep."

As much as this is probably my favorite time to ever be around Press, she is still never allowed to get hurt ever again. At this rate if she does get hurt again, besides the entire team falling apart even worse, Carli might just propose.

"Hope?" I hear jostling me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I answer Dawn and Jill. Wow, they don't look happy.

"We're gonna need you to help convince everyone to go back to the hotel. Security was called about a noise disturbance and apparently damaged property." Jill says. Ah, that's why.

"Yeah I'll get Becky and we'll get right on it." I answer with a sheepish smile. It was probably Dr. Tweety down there on the ground level, finally getting the courage to call security. Jill and Dawn nod to me before I straighten up off the door and turn to walk down into what I can only assume will be the pit of hell.

"Oh and Hope?" I turn around when Jill speaks. "We need to see you in conference room  one tomorrow morning at eight."

"Yeah, I'll be there." I say before continuing to the waiting room. Oh god, Kelley is on Tobin's back.

This day has been nothing but a giant cluster-fuck of a train wreck. I knew shit would go down facing Canada, it always does, but this was beyond unexpected. Now I have to go wrangle the equivalent of 60 caffeinated toddlers with Becky and somehow return them to their hotel in their current pristine condition. I also have no idea what U.S. Soccer is gonna do with Carli, but I can't imagine it will be anything favorable. Hell, with how things are going, Moe might be playing keeper in the next game if Jill doesn't find Christen's condition up to par.

In conclusion, I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I have a feeling it's about to get worse.

A lot worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful People,
> 
> I know, it's been like a month. This is the part where I apologize and tell you I had a perfectly good reason. I also added an extra almost 2k words to make up for it.
> 
> I do indeed apologize for my absence and yes, I had a good reason. School, school, more school, filming, family, and then to top it all off; school. It's been a ride. I feel nothing.
> 
> Anyway, here's the long awaited chapter. This one is really Christen/Carli… Carlsten? Yeah, let's go with that. This one is really Carlsten heavy and there's very little O'Solo interaction, but I wanted to give them some solid closure before the next adventure. I also wanted to get a little more of the team's banter and chemistry going.
> 
> Also, my lord, over 400 kudos. I'm honored that you all think I make words sound so pretty. Thank you. I should write a book.  
> It's also been difficult for me to find where in time this fic takes place. Originally it was suppose to be between the end of the victory tour and the beginning of Olympics, but I was not about to even go near the disaster that was the Olympics. So I put a bit of a twist on it and was kind of ignoring that the Olympics and destruction of the team happened until the next chapter. Granted this is already a slight AU, but I wanted to stick as close to reality as possible. Meh, I'll figure it out.
> 
> Until then, leave your thoughts.  
> A.Y.P.


	14. You're Finished

Do you know that place, that beautiful precious place, when you're coming out of a good night's sleep?

It feels like…

It's like consciousness is lightly kissing you awake and the sweet-wait someone is actually kissing me awake.

They're soft kisses, little pecks on the lips. I believe they're also laying on me.

Maybe I'm dead… yeah, maybe I'm dead and this is what heaven feels like. Like perfect little kisses whilst coming out of my dead stupor and in to the arms of an angel-

"Hope."

Oh my God, this angel knows my name. This is the best place ever, I don't even know how the hell I got in! Wait, can I can say "hell" here? Well, I'm not burning, so I guess I can. Wait… can a female angel be kissing another female in heaven…? How does this even work?

"Hoooope."

Yes my beautiful angel, I'm here. I'm just pondering how all this is even possible. I've never died before, so this is all very new to me. I assume you'll be taking on my majestic tour of heaven, if you want, we can head back to my mansion when we're done and-

"Hopey Bear."

Well that's a new one. Maybe not call me that in my king size mansion bed though, it's a little too cutesy.

"Hopesicle."

Maybe not that one either, that's-

Wait.

There is only **one** person in Heaven, Hell, or Tatooine that would ever even consider calling me that.

"Hope-apotomus."

Yupp, I'm not dead.

"Hopeypoozle.”

“Use that one again and I’m kicking you out from under my bridge.” I mumble as she pecks me again.

“How ever will I survive?” She asks before kissing me again. ”Do you know what day it is?”

“Monday?” I answer cracking an eye open.

“Not just any Monday, it’s the day after the weekend.”

“Kelley, Monday is always after the weekend.”

“Not this weekend, not this _specific_ weekend.”

“Ok,” I say before stretching slightly and wrapping my arms around her. “What exactly _is_ this Monday after this specific weekend?” I finish with a lazy smile.

“It’s **the** Monday, the beginning of the week, day after the weekend, Monday.”

“Kelley, I swear to God-“

“It’s the Monday after the Canada game weekend…” She rushes out. “The day after the Canada game to be exact.”

“Kelley, I’m not any less confused than I was two seconds ago,” I sigh.

“It’s the day after the Canada game weekend when we were… supposed to… talk about… us,” She trails off.

Oh.

_Oh._

“Ahhh, I did say after the Canada game, didn’t I?” I say, causing her to smile back at me. “I mean, I was hoping I could at least make coffee first before we just dive in.”

“You can still make coffee,” She says. “Then you’re mine.”

“Yeah… about that…” I trail off with a shy smile.

 “No,”

“Kelley-,”

“No,”

“Jill already called me in for a meeting.”

“Nooooooo,” She whines burying her face into my neck.

“It’s just for an hour or so, Carli should already be there to see what they’re gonna do with her,” I laugh while running a hand up and down her back.

“So you guys are just gonna leave me all alone?” she asks with what I’m sure is an adorable pout.

“Technically you won’t be alone. Someone has to watch Christen while we’re gone.”

Kelley gasps, bolting off of me and fixing me with a glare. “You’re leaving me with that high hornball while you go out and get to be safe from her?

“Look at it like this, if she hits on you, you’ll have something to do while we’re gone,” I say sitting up.

“You’re funny,” she says monotone. “You think I’m an aggressive cuddler when I’m drunk? Christen is like that on steroids. I woke up at3 AM this morning to her crawling into my bed and wrapping herself completely around me.”

“Coulda been worse.”

“She was whispering, “I may not be a tree, but you can climb me anytime.” repeatedly in my ear.”

“Wow, it was worse.”

“Then she burst into tears because, “deforestation cuts down millions of trees every year.””

“Wait, what?”

“Then Carli came in, tired and confused, and managed to pry Christen off of me.” She shivers at the memory.

“So it all worked out then?” I comment with a trying smile.

“She made Carli call her Tree Queen and promise to make tree babies with her before she would go back to bed.”

“Oh my god, it got even worse.” I cringe.

“Yupp,” She sighs.

“How did she even get down the stairs?”

“I have no idea. I think- “

Kelley is cut off by a violent frantic knocking at our front door. Oh god, the lone bear cub totally ate a neighbor in my front yard.

I quickly scramble out of bed and dart to my front door with Kelley in tow. The knocking persists and I barely get the door unlocked before a 5’4” mass of panicked forward practically lands in my arms. Well, not quite a bear cub… but close enough in this state.

“WhereissheIthoughtyouweren’thomeissheok?!?!” spews from a rabid Mallory Pugh.

“Uh… what?” I ask.

“I thought you guys weren’t home! Is Christen ok?” Mallory exclaims as she backs away from me enough to give me air.

“Mal, Christen’s fine. She hasn’t been alone at all since we got back from the hospital,” I explain slowly, trying to calm her down.

“Yeah, why are you freaking out?” Kelley asks, coming to stand next to me.

“I… I got a call ten minutes ago. She was sobbing and saying she needed help and that no one was with her,” she explains.

Kelley and I look at each other for a moment, confused beyond belief. I mean, I know Christen is upstairs in Carli’s room, but she should still be passed out. That and she didn’t even know where her hands were yesterday, I doubt she managed to actually work her phone.

“Malamute!” We hear from behind us, causing Kelley and I to turn around.

And there she is, right at the bottom of the stairs. Swimming in one of Carli’s shirts and pajama pants with an adorably dazed smile on her face.

Carli needs to stop training her to be so stealthy.

“Christen? I thought you were hurt,” Mal says with a shocked look on her face.

“I _am_ hurt,” Christen replies.

“I meant more hurt than you were. You called me crying, said you were alone, said you needed help…” she trails off.

“I was crying, I was alone, and I did need help,” Christen says as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“But you’re fine and Kelley and Hope are here.”

“But they weren’t with me, I was all alone up there, and I _did_ need your help. I couldn’t work my phone.”

“Then how did you call me?

“I don’t know,” Press answers legitimately confused.

“Oh my God, you called me for no reason,” Mal says pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Yeah, she’s been a little-why are you all wet?” Kelley cuts herself off.

Huh, I didn’t even notice when she was panicking earlier but Kelley’s right. Mal’s clothes are clinging to her skin and she’s practically dripping.

“I was in the shower when she called,” she replies, burying her face in her hands. “I thought she was dying.”

“That reminds me,” I start. “How did you get here?”

And as if on cue, another rabid soccer player tears though my front door and almost destroys Mal in the process.

“Is she ok?! What happened?” Tobin shouts out of breath.

“She’s fine, Tobin, false alarm,” Mal answers finally lifting her head from her hands.

“It wasn’t false, I missed you!” Christen says waddling over to us and violently pulling Mal into a bone-crushing hug.

Wouldn’t that hurt?

“Wait… you had me run three red lights, hit a family of squirrels- “

“No!” Kelley exclaims.

“And then jump out of the car a mile away to run the rest of the way, causing me to panic and pull over, then sprint all the way here with what I think was a large cat chasing me because of a false alarm?” Tobin asks looking slightly livid.

So that’s why she was so out of breath... remind me to also drive them back to their car, you know, just in case the “cat” comes back.

“Tobin!” Christen gasps. “Don’t talk to our son like that!”

“What?” I ask completely stricken by surprise.

“I second that,” Kelley chirps.

“And Malamute,” Christen says finally releasing her with an impressive inhale from Mal. “Don’t scare your father like that.”

“She’s not serious,” Tobin says glancing back and forth between Kelley and me.

“Oh, but she is and she will keep being that serious until the rest of the heavy medication is out of her system,” I smile. “So, while you deal with that, I have a meeting to get to,” I finish before walking past Christen, who has taken back to hugging the absolute shit out of Mal, and then into my room to get ready.

Thank God Kelley has help now, it’s confirmed that if she was alone either she or Christen would probably be dead when Carli and I got back.

“She’s squeezing tighter!” I hear Mal rasp as some intense shuffling can be heard.

They’ll be fine.

“I can taste my lungs!”

Totally fine.

“My spine!”

Yupp, they’re all gonna die.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Carli’s probably home by now, I wonder how they’re doing…

I shouldn’t think about that, I don’t want to have a nervous breakdown here of all places.

I’m currently walking down the team hotel hallway to meet with Jill for whatever she wants. Probably wondering if I can revert back to playing forward for the next game.

It’s sad how possible that is.

I turn the corner at the end of the hallway and almost run into Dan Flynn, who seems to be standing in front of Jill right outside the conference room. Jeeze, this must be important for a U.S. Soccer rep to be here.  

They both nod at me in greeting and I return it awkwardly. Dan then opens the door and ushers Jill and I in.

“Thanks for meeting with us, Hope,” Jill says as Dan shuts the door to the conference room and they make their way to sit down.

“Yeah, of course. Is something wrong?” I ask as I sit at the opposite side of the table.

“Not exactly wrong, but something has been brought to our attention and we feel that we need to address it properly,” Dan says.

“Alright, what is it?” I ask looking back and forth between them. They look at each other for a moment before resuming their attention to me.

“Hope,” Dan swallows. “The federation has been looking into you for a while and we believe after careful consideration that you need some time off to re-evaluate your position on the team.”

What?

“I’m sorry… what?” I voice my thought.

“We just think that you’ve been more of a distraction than a teammate for a while and that needs to change,” Jill cuts in.

Ok Hope, relax, breathe. You are not about to start screaming and throwing chairs, you are not that person anymore.

“Ok… some time off. How much time are talking?” I breathe out.

“A six month suspension,” Dan answers.

S… six month suspension?

Hope… breathe…

“And… we think it’s best to terminate your contract as well.”

Not… that… person… any… mo-

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” I snap. A six month suspension _and_ a terminated contract?! For what?!”

“Hope, please calm-“

“Don’t you **dare** tell me to calm down, what you can tell me is what this _bullshit_ is about!” I yell standing up from my chair and leaning forward onto the table.

“Hope, you have been on the wrong end of every media outlet, every team meeting, and every interview. Your recklessness is pulling the team down and we can’t have you here as long as you do that. It’s time to do what’s best for the team and right now, that means taking you off of it,” Jill says calmly.

There’s a hint of fear in her eyes. Oh, she thinks I’m reckless?

She hasn’t seen **anything** yet.

“So what? The media hates me and you jump ship? The media has always hated me. I’ve been women’s soccer’s dart board since I can remember and all you did was look the other way. You let me take every shot, and I happily allowed it, for every stupid mistake made on this team. So I know it’s not that, there’s no way you would be willing to get rid of your scapegoat so easily. So, what is it? Is it being the literal best in the world at my job? Is it all the championship titles? Is it the gold medals? Please, feel free to tell me how I’m slacking off,” I seethe.

"It's not your performance, you're a good keeper, Hope."

"I'm not just a "good keeper", I'm the best. I am the best that anyone has ever seen and I have proved that again and again. I have kept this team from drowning for 17 fucking years and now you're telling me that after all of it, you're throwing me away?!" I yell.

"We aren't throwing you away. You did that yourself-"

"Did that myself?! Really? Did I do that myself when I saved our asses in the World Cup? Did I throw my career away when I won 2 golden gloves back to back? Did I throw myself away when the only reason you even have the ability to sit here and tell me I'm terminated is because I put you in that chair?!"

"Enough!" Dan shouts. "It's this right here, this is why you're being terminated, this behavior. You are not God's gift to the world, Hope. You are replaceable, replaceable with someone people can actually respect. Someone that doesn't make our federation look like a joke."

"Really? That's how you feel?" My voice wavers. "Let's get one thing straight, you're right, I'm not God's gift to the world, but I'm sure as hell God's gift to _you_. People respect me because I currently hold every record a goal keeper could possibly have. I speak out, I’m loud, I won’t let people invalidate me. Your federation is a joke because of your piss poor ethics. Go ahead, try to replace me, show the entire world just who you are without Hope Solo," I say alarmingly calm.

"Hope, you're a distraction. You think the team _likes_ having to put up with you and your reckless behavior? Do you really think you're helping them win games when off the field you use the same golden glove hands to beat minors? Your family? Drunkenly stumble into the driver's seat?" Dan spits.

 "You know damn well that's not what happened! I have given you everything. I have given you the Olympics, World Cups, and more and you have the _nerve_ to bring all of this back up when it’s been dealt with. So what, the latest gossip is that I called a team cowards? I wasn't wrong and multiple people will tell you that. So what is it? Retaliation for the "War on Equal Pay"? Did I step on someone's toes? Are you terrified because I am as every bit of dangerous as you think I am?" I exasperate.

"Does it matter? Sure Hope, all of those reasons, or maybe none of them at all. You've done your job and now we longer require your services." Dan matches my intensity.

"Really? So what you're saying is that because there isn't any major tournaments for another few years, I'm no longer of any worth? You just ignored all of my reckless mistakes because I was still needed to win tournaments? Guess what? That's the fucking job! I fuck up, you ignore it, and I keep filling your pockets. There have been athletes that have fucking murdered people in the men's leagues and they get a $4,000 fine, but I get this? I'm trying to fix this, I'm trying to fix me. You _know_ that, you _see_ that. I have been doing so much better, but you're just going to ignore that too?" I ramble as tears fill my eyes.

"We're not talking about any other athlete except for you. _You_ are the one with the negative attention, _you_ are the one killing this team. You're an embarrassment to everything that we stand for." Jill states.

"Then you're an embarrassment to every medal, every trophy, and _every_ award we've ever won. You were given a perfect team and you rode on our backs through it all. 17 fucking years and it was all for someone like _you._ You're gonna sink us, all of us, and it starts with me." I say finally letting the angry tears fall from my eyes.

"The decision has been made." Jill cuts in. "I think we're done here."

"No," I snap. " _I'm_ done here, but you, you're _finished_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Beautiful People,
> 
> Yes, I know it’s been like 9 years. My apologies. School was kicking me in the face and between that and breathing, this had to take an unplanned hiatus. But look, an update.
> 
> Yay for FINALLY getting to this part of the story. So, the last half of this chapter was actually written just after the last update, it was mostly me getting out my frustrations, but I felt it was accurate enough. Things are finally getting serious and I can’t wait to break out the angst. Heh.
> 
> By the way, am I the only one who misses Baby Mal?
> 
> Alright, that’s all for this one, I will TRY to get the next one up sooner.
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


	15. Rise and Shine

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I don’t remember getting home, I don’t remember getting in my car, I don’t even remember leaving the hotel. Yet, here I am staring blankly at my front door, and I feel absolutely nothing. I know there are tear tracks dried on my face, no idea when I stopped crying, and I have no idea what happens next.

I sniffle before finally pushing my front door open. I also have no idea how long I’ve been standing here.

The first thing I see when I step inside is Carli and Christen on the couch. I can’t see much from this angle, but what I can see is Christen buried into the far side of Carli. Her head is resting on Carli’s shoulder and Carli looks like she was made to hold her. She’s got an arm around Christen and her feet up on the coffee table. I’m not sure what they’re watching, but they look like a couple who’s been doing this for years.

A couple, is that what they are now?

I close the door behind me and the sound grabs their attention.

“Hey Hope, Man-U’s playing. There’s also a-you look like someone just killed your mom,” Carli cuts herself off, looking over at me with concerned eyes.

“Not quite,” I rasp throwing my keys and coat on the floor.

“What happened?” she asks muting the tv.

“I uh… I got fired,” I say choking on the last word.

“What?!” Carli blasts sitting up suddenly.

Christen groans at being jostled and sends Carli a sleepy glare. I would comment on how cute it was if I hadn’t have just gotten my heart torn out.

“They fired me. Terminated my contract and suspended me for six months,” I say. I don’t even know how to feel right now. Initially I was angry and hurt, but somewhere along the drive home I feel like I just gave up. I just feel so numb, drained. I can feel the tear tracks on my face, but it’s almost like I don’t know why they’re there.

“Are you-they can’t-they can’t just fire you! And for what?” Carli shouts standing up.

“Apparently, they can. I’m a disgrace to the team and everything it stands for, I’m a distraction, my comments towards Canada were inappropriate, the war on wages, take your pick,” I answer monotone.

“They-you’re not-I punched a girl in the face!” Carli blasts, that giant vein in her neck making a pulsing appearance. “I got a three-game suspension and a fine for **punching** someone in the **face**. How the hell-” she cuts herself off again looking bewildered beyond belief.

“Wow, I’ve never heard you so speechless before,” I hear Kelley say as she comes out of her room. “Or loud, did you finally-what the hell happened?” she asks seeing my face.

“They fucking fired her,” Carly fumes.

“They what?!”

“I’m not remotely high enough to ignore that this is bullshit.”

“Why are we yelling?”

The last comment actually startles me a little. From what I know, none of the girls are ventriloquists, so who the hell just said-

And Mal’s head just popped up from the space between the couch and the coffee table. She looks incredibly tired and almost like she was buried alive at one point.

“How long have you been down there?” I ask.

“I don’t know. I think I blacked out the last time Christen hugged me.” She says staring off into space.

“She’s only been out for about an hour but never mind that, they fired you?” Kelley answers.

“Yeah, they did.” I sigh as I step into the living room.

“They can’t just do this. They can’t,” Carli says as she brushes past me.

“Car, what are you doing?” I ask as she grabs her keys.

“I’m gonna go punch them, or threaten them, or… I don’t know, quit? I’m not just gonna let them do this.”

My ride or die. She’s gonna go give up her job or end up in the same spot as I am because of me. She’s ready to throw everything away if she has to. She’s already reached down to hell to pull me back up multiple times and here she is again. It makes me wanna cry again. She’s still willing to defend me, to stay on my side, even after all of this.

Even when I’m wrong.

Dear God, I don’t deserve someone like her. I can’t say for certain I’d do it for her. I probably wouldn’t have done even half the stuff she did for me for her. I’m selfish. I protect myself and refuse to change that. And the worst part about all of this?

She **knows** that.

Carli knows that I wouldn’t go up to bat for her is so many situations. There are times where I would let her fall to save my own skin. I want nothing more to be what she is for me to her. I would give anything to have that ability, anything to be even a fraction of how she is to me. She’s the other half of my soul and I don’t show her that enough. I don’t save her like she’s saved me in the past. I can’t so that. I might never be able to do that…

But I can save her from this.

“Yes, you are.” I say quietly.

“No I am not.”

“Carli,”

She stops and turns to face me again. I can’t help the defeated look on my face. That’s exactly how I feel, defeated. I hope to God she can hear me, really hear what I’m trying to say.

“Let this go. I am not gonna pull you down into this mess, not again,” I start.

“You’re not pulling me, I’m going-”

“For the love of God Carli, let me do this for you,” I cut her off sternly. “Enough.”

Carli stares at me for a moment, working her jaw back and forth. Her grip on her keys tightens a little before relaxing. She drops her eyes to the ground for a moment longer then drops her keys back on the hall table.

So she does get it.

This is me fighting for you. This is me staying on **your** side.

“Ok well you two can have your weird silent conversation, I’m gonna go torch Jill’s car.” Kelley say as she walks by me.

I tug on the back of her shirt lightly to keep her from going too far and she tries to struggle out of it.

“Kelley, what have we said about my skills as a keeper? You’re not gonna get out of my grip.” I smile slightly.

She physically deflates a little and turns around slowly to face me.

“I don’t have a torch anyway,” She says with a huff. “But I’m torching it in my mind.”

That gets another small smile out of me.

“I’m actually kind of surprised _you_ aren’t torching a car right about now, Hope.” I hear Press chip in behind me.

“I know. Hell, if this had been even a year ago I probably would’ve.” I take a deep shuddering breath. “I think I’m just done. I’m done fighting this darkness around me. I can’t keep doing this.”

“Don’t say that. You’ll get back up just like you always do.” Mal pipes up coming to stand next to Kelley, Christen following her. “I mean, I assume. I haven’t been here that long.”

“I don’t know, kid. I’m not sure I have that much fight left in me. I may have six months to rally, but I don’t even feel like six years would be enough time. I’m just tired,” I say.

“You’ll come back. They won’t get away with this shit-OW!” Mal blasts as Christen flicks her forehead. Quite hard might I add.

“Malamute, you are not allowed to use those words,” Christen scolds as Mallory rubs her forehead.

“Since when? I’m 18 and even then I’ve being using them since-“

“You’re 17 and just wait till your father hears about this.” Christen cuts Mal off again.

“I thought the heavy drugs were supposed to be out of her system by now,” I say to Carli.

“They are. She took a half an oxy and she still ended up like this. At least she knows her middle name now. Before they wore off she cried because she had an “old lady middle name”,” Carli says with an eye roll.

“Tobin left shortly after that. Christen hugged me again and tried to tell me about how she met my father and she bolted,” Mal says.

“Yeah, that’s gonna be a hard one to live down,” Christen says. “Anyway, as much as I agree with Mal, you should probably let this settle a little before we go on a crazy warpath. Feel it out a few days, let us know what we can do.”

“I will never understand how you ended up with Carli.”

“Hope, this is not how we’re nice to our dearest friends,” Carly grits out.

“Eh, I need a sense of normalcy. But you’re definitely right, Christen. I’m gonna go… stare at a wall or something. I don’t think the full effect has hit me yet,” I say rubbing the back of my neck.

“Sounds good. Come on pup, let’s go to bed,” Christen says before grabbing Mal and almost dragging her to the stairs.

“I should probably make sure she doesn’t accidently kill Mal,” Carli sighs. “I’m really sorry, Hope. If there’s anything…”

“I’ll let you know,” I finish for her.

She nods and sighs once more before walking after Christen and Mal. My attention is then drawn to Kelley, who almost looks shy. She looks a little smaller than usual and wont quite meet my eyes.

“Everything ok?” I ask.

“I should be asking you that.”

“Yeah, but you already know how I am.”

“I know,” she says, finally meeting my eyes. “I know what it’s like to have your dreams ripped from you in 2.5 seconds, but nothing on this scale. I’m sorry, I’m not really sure what to say.”

I smile at that. I know there’s a part of her that gets it, a part of her that knows the pain I’m in. She may think that I have it worse, but mine didn’t leave me without a home or family. I know I feel like I lost everything, but she truly lost _everything_. As dead as I feel on the inside, I can at least acknowledge that.

“Come here,” I say reaching for her.

She eagerly launches herself into my arms and holds on like she’s afraid to let go. She of course, burrows her face into my neck, and it makes the pain of all of this that much lighter. I am falling apart, but maybe I finally have arms to fall apart in.

“I know this is terrible timing,” she starts, voice muffled by my neck. “But about that thing we were supposed to talk about…”

Oh.

“How much would you hate me if I asked if we could put that on hold for a while? Just until I get myself figured out.” The worst part about holding her, I can feel her physically deflate.

“Ok. As long as you’re ok, I can wait,” she says.

I hate how understanding she is. She has no idea what’s about to happen to her. Hope Solo is backed into a corner, so Hope Solo is gonna do what Hope Solo does best.

Bring out the monster.

Today, I’m gonna hold onto her like I’m afraid to let go too, because this might be the last time I get to. The darkness in me, the darkness I’ve managed to keep at bay for the past year, is unsettled. It’s been disturbed and is starting to wake. I think I’m just about at the point where I’m going to let it.

Rise and shine, we have work to do.

“Can I at least cuddle you for the rest of the day?” Kelley asks interrupting my thoughts.

An odd sense of calmness washes over me. “Of course.”

Kelley makes some sort of high pitched sound of approval and pries herself out of my arms before sprinting off to my room. I laugh to myself at her antics. How on earth did someone like me end up around someone like her?

I turn to follow her when a heavy knock sounds at the door. I swear to God, if a reporter managed to find my house, I’m taking Kelley’s “torching Jill’s car” idea.

I open the door slowly to reveal… two large policemen. What the fuck did I do now?

“Can I help you?” I ask slowly.

“Yes, we received a tip that a fugitive on the run is in this area, we’ve been asking if anyone has any information or seen them at all,” the first cop says.

“Oh, wow.” I say leaning against the door. “Do you have a picture?”

“Unfortunately no, we only have a description and a name. Name’s Kelley O’Hara, five foot-”

My brain immediately stalls at the name, nothing else he’s saying making any sort of impact. A criminal? On the run? Kelley?

What the hell did she steal before she met me?

“Can I ask what she’s wanted for?” I cut off the officer.

“Yes Ma’am, it’s really the only reason we have to be so thorough, otherwise we wouldn’t be knocking on doors.” The first cop stops speaking and his partner picks up from there.

“She’s wanted for murder.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This, was obnoxious. 
> 
> Anyway, hello beautiful people. I know, I’ve been gone for forever, blah blah blah, I’m sorry, life, dead inside, school, blah blah. It’s not been an easy past few months by any means, but hey, I’m alive.
> 
> Mostly.
> 
> This chapter sat at 1,500 words for the past three months and I could not for the life of me finish it (my minimum word count for chapters is 2k). Alas, the feeling of needing to write struck me in the face and I got it out. HOWEVER, you may be pleased to know that this hiatus brought a slight bonus. I have a one-shot counterpart that was also written and is being published with this chapter that’s about how Carli and Press got together. It’s titled “Call if You Need Me”. You guys have been VERY interested in their relationship and oddly enough really like it. I’ve had their backstory in the back of my head since I started this fic and finally decided to write it out. If you want to check it out you’ll find it in my works or down in the series. 
> 
> Anyway, that’s all I have for now. 
> 
> Leave your thoughts,  
> A.Y.P.


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